Old age approaching, would you rather lose your mind or your body?

[RATTER15]

Im talking "Senile Dementia" not other kinds of brain damage.

With old age approaching, if you had a choice, do you think you would rather hold on to your sanity or you physical abilities.

As some of you know I work in a severe Dementia unit.

Personally I think I would hold on to my body. Whilst the early stages of dementia can be frightening, frustrating and very upsetting for all concerned, as it progresses and you no longer are aware of your illness it is not such a problem for the sufferer but would be still very upsetting for their loved ones. I dont think I would want to live if I was unable to move around, walk out into my garden, go shopping etc and end up spending my life in a wheel chair.

Im basing my views on the Dementia sufferers I work with, they are generally speaking very happy people, they are still communicating their wishes (generally speaking) not always verbally but you get to know the individual and what they are communicating. My work is a very happy place and all the staff and residents are mostly enjoying everyday as it comes. I accept that this is not always the case, we have one or two very sad cases where their life is a turmoil but this can usually be controlled with medication if required.

What are your thoughts?

[DEN53]

My Mum, as you know, has dementia, she seems happy in herself and her own muddled world, but getting to this stage has been very distressing to watch. Physically she is fine, but some poor souls in the Care Home are not so lucky, they scream out, one lady shuffles along on her bottom, some are aggressive. I comforted a lady called Dawn the other week, who is just going through the early stages, she was screaming and crying and begging her husband to take her home, I cuddled her and consoled her until he left, the care workers said it was a regular occurrence. It was heartbreaking to witness, even Mr. Den had a tear in his eye.

I am terrified this will happen to me, and at the first signs I was going down this road, I would take my own life, before I slipped too far.

[RATTER15]

Yes Mike, this is by far the worst part of dementia, the not knowing what way it will go and how it will take over your life.

The mind is still very functional and these people still are filled with so many emotions, like love, hate, happy and sad they still have memories, many of these memories from childhood many of their most recent memories are unfortunately lost.

[cazzz1975]

I would rather lose my body, losing my mind would make life intolerable and the benefit of having a working body would be lost if I did not have a properly working mind in which to use the working body!

I hope I just get craggier without one or the other suddenly seizing up

[joko]

i dont think theyre happy really....even though they arent 'all there' they must sense the fear, anger, frustration, irritation etc from those around them...and perhaps becasue they feel they are fine, they just become confused anxious and upset that their family are treating them that way....

my dad has very mild form, where hes just become forgettful and a bit daft...but hes convinced now everyones against him even my mum and hes consumed with suspicion, jealousy, anger, fear, etc... he thinks everyone thinks hes stupid...hes also angry and suspicious and hateful at anyone outside the family, even to some extended family members...

he is not senile though, just old...

[RATTER15]

Yes Den all these things can and do happen, these are certainly the more unfortunate, maybe these individuals are not responding to medication or not found the balance of the right medication.

Generally the medication that is used will target the negative side of the condition to enable these people to cope without putting them in a vegetative state, some really do need to be subdued for everybodies safety, though these are rare.

[joko]

i think i would keep my mind...id prefer to occupy my time with mental activities ...though obviously id hate to be totally immobile to the point of needing my bum wiped

[mike11111]

Judging by your avatar, Cazzz, I don't think you could get any craggier!

By the way, have you thought what AB will be like in a few years when we all succumb? Probably a lot more sane than at present!

[DEN53]

Ratter - I admire you for working with dementia residents - I have helped out on a few occasions at the care home, feeding and chatting to residents. I come out emotionally drained. I have cut down on my regular visits to my Mum for the time being as I am suffering from depression, brought about by the strain of the last year and a half.

To be dependant upon a total stranger, to wash/bath/shower you, in some cases feed, clean your mess up if you poo yourself, and live with others, who you will never form a relationship with, when all you really want, is to be in your own home, to me, is a living nightmare.

[redman41]

Maybe it is just as well that none of us know what is ahead of us in old age.
I am of the opinion that once I am incapable of looking after myself then it is time to depart these shores. Once you get to the stage where you cannot wipe your own ar*e then it would be the end of things for me as I don't want to be a burden on others.
Quality of life has gone for good.

[LoftyLottie]

Absolutely DEN. As you know, I have been in the same position myself with my mother. It was just dreadful. I still get flashbacks and feelings of guilt that she was in a care home. The second one she was in was wonderful, but she still hated it. My mum had vascular dementia but she still wanted to participate in meaningful and intelligent discussions and, being a highly intelligent woman with a really full and interesting life behind her, it was heartbreaking to have to witness her decline, especially for her! She knew her mind was going.

Hope you feel better soon DEN. It will take a while xx

[pa___ul3]

neither, it'd be a case of "I'm an old fogey, get me out of here!" for me. While I'm sure there'd be plenty wiling to help me in my old age, I really couldn't stand becoming a burden on anyones life.

[Euphemia]

Ditto!

[RATTER15]

Den53, I agree with all you say, fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your views and which side of the fence you are on, most of the residents I work with really wouldn't know if I was their Mother, father or a total stranger. Some residents will very openly defecate on the floor in the lounge for all and sundry to see, fortunately this will rarely happen due to close monitoring, this is totally normal behavior in their eyes and the problems start when a member of staff reprimands them for doing something that is perfectly acceptable in their minds.

Out of the 35 residents I work with 6 days a week, only about 5 would now my name but all will welcome me with a big smile.

[DEN53]

Thank you Lottie. xx

I can even remember my Mum saying those immortal words 'if I get that bad, shoot me', before any of this set in, upon seeing an elderly neighbour or relative in a poor state - unfortunately, in most circumstances, when that time comes, it gets taken out of our hands.

[redman41]

Hi DEN ! Keep your spirits up xx

[DEN53]

Afternoon Redman - I always feel lifted when I see you. (:o) xx

[LoftyLottie]

I found a huge store of valium hidden cupboard at my mothers after she had passed away, DEN She had always said to me I have it planned what to do if I need to. Unfortunately, it was taken out of her hands, and in the end mine. She died in a geriatric ward in dreadful circumstances.

[Eastender]

I also work in a care home with demetia and also watched my mother in law pass away with this cruel disease. I have also said that I would rather be out of my misery than suffer. How can you say they are happy, when they come into a home with just a suitcase with their belongings in! One day they like you the next swearing at you lol. Sitting in a chair day after day, not even knowing who this person is that has come into see you, a son a daughter a husband, who is this person talking to me! I do the best I can while working, but you have to switch of when you leave. Live life to the full while you can, and thank god for all you are blessed with.

[emmie]

i would rather keep my brain intact, then i might live long enough for someone to come up with medication that can alleviate the physical problems of dementia.

[RATTER15]

Eastender, I can say it very easily, these people are happy, its a jolly place to work, we have a laugh with them (not at them) all homes are different, maybe our home is different because all our staff are trained and it is a specialised unit.

I know there are also dreadful cases, i also deal with them and with the right care and treatment these are often turned around.

Please don't think im trying to say this is in anyway a nice or pleasant illness, it is dreadful but there are worse, im only speaking from my experience working with these lovely folk everyday.

I think it is more tragic to see a person with a fully active mind that is physically incapable of moving or communicating, that is even more difficult for the sufferer, I know where I want to be.