dementia care

[bloaterbum]

Is it wrong to want to care for your mom when she has dementia.I ask this cus no one else in the family give a flying ****

[ummmm]

Of course it's not wrong.

It can be very impracticable though.

[boxtops]

Certainly not wrong, but it can be extremely demanding. I heard a talk by Barbara Pointon recently, if you google her name it will come up - she cared for her husband Malcolm with Alzheimer's. She describes how you have to try to put yourself in the mind of the sufferer - they really believe they live in past times, and can be scared by things which we take for granted. Good luck to you - if you do become her primary carer, make sure you secure as much support for yourself as you possibly can.

[welshlibranr]

no not wrong at all bloaterbum, but I hope you realise that it's going to be hard work for you, and will get lots harder!.............

[Ann]

You sound a very caring person bloater - you obviously love your Mum and want to look after her yourself but do ask for some professional help too, they won't expect you to struggle on all on your own.

[starone]

To look after someone with dementia is a major job and you would need to spend all your time doing it. And this means twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. One person would break down under the load of responsibility. It requires several people taking their turn, but it would be very difficult to organise. Although you would not like it, it would be better if she was being looked after by professionals in a care home.

[bloaterbum]

I'll say it is, but having seen her in the home for respite in amongst a very sleepy crowd ,the poor thing cried her eyes out .Even the manager phoned expressing her concerns. Ihave always been close even when Iam tearing my hair out at times

[ummmm]

Like Star says....it's a full time job. They cannot be left alone.

[nungate]

Not wrong at all. My mum has it and my brother has moved in with her now and is there with her most of the time. She comes to my house a few times a week and we take her on outings, and I see to all her appointments, and paperwork etc. If your mum has just been diagnosed, get yourself and her along to a solicitor and have a power of attorney drawn up to enable you to look after her affairs. Mine refused saying she would do it when she lost her marbles (her words) and her doc told by then it would be too late! She still refused and it has been difficult but it is do-able. Make sure you have all the benefits to which she is entitled, and if you are to become her main carer make sure you have the same. There is a lot of help and so forth out there be sure to draw on it as it's going to be a long hard road. Good luck.

[bloaterbum]

In reply to ANN 86 yes Iam very caring and Ido have help certain times when Iwork but honstly it isn't that bad yet Iam just annoyed that the immediate family want to pack her off cus it isn't right

[Mamyalynne]

It is most definitely not wrong to want to, but as others have stated the stress and continual nature of the care is hard - if however you are able to get a good support network up around you (not always easy or possible) then by all means try. But never ever beat yourself up if it becomes too difficult. I wish you great luck with this very tough time.

[bloaterbum]

The power of attorney was sorted out years back her biggesst problem is the old alcohol and Iam rationing that too

[TOWIE]

I would reiterate what others have said, bloaterbum - its a 24/7 job looking after a loved one with dementia. My Dad cared for my Mum for 18 months at home with my back up help 3 days a week - it was very demanding and emotional. If you have a good back up service from a caring agency (which we didn't) then this can help.

My description of a dementia sufferer is like looking after a toddler but with an adult's strength and determination.

[brenda]

It is not wrong to want to care for someone with dementia, but you need to understand what you are taking on.It is 24/7, and the situation gets progressively worse. cared for my partner for 7 years, he had dementia , and at the end I had a stroke.I always thought I could beat his disease, although I knew in reality I wouldn't,but it was called hope
Just make sure that you have all the support available to you , sitters , respite and so on including day centres, social workers, GP and so on.
Never be hesitant to ask for or receive help.
All the best to you , if I can help further with any thing , you know where I am , don't hesitate to leave a message Brenda

[DTCwordfan]

It depends what stage she is at - my mother is at mid and she needs cover most of the time....routine is enormously important....

[bloaterbum]

Thank you all for your input in particular Brenda who has obviously suffered as a result of caring.. bless