How do you tell someone, kindly, and politely, they are immature and/or need to grow up?

[katara11111]

I have been dating my girlfriend for two years. When we first met we were probably around the same maturity level, or me a bit less, truthfully. I was a fairly immature kid. I grew up, and to me, it feels as if she didn't. She has a bit, in some areas, she has much better spelling skills, that's for sure. But sometimes, when I'm around her, I really want to tell her she needs to start growing up.
I'm one of those people who thinks about the future, I know what I plan to do. I'm working to get my doctorate in psychology someday (it will be some years from now) to be a clinical psychologist. She switches what she wants to do all the time, which I don't mind at all, sometimes she wants to work at an amusement park, some times a photographer, others an actress, or a hairdresser. I have no problem with her doing anything she wants with her life, if she wanted to stay at home all day that would be fine with me too. Its just sometimes it worries me that she never will grow up. She dyes her hair wild colors from teal to pink, when I met her her hair was black and was for a while, 6 months after we started dating was when the wild hair started, which I don't mind, we are still young enough to do stuff like that. Yet when we talk about the future shes says maybe she will work at hot topic, just so she can keep her hair. Now to say, I am a hypocrite as my hair is always slicked back on one side and long on the other, so I can wear it down when I sing in concerts. However when my hair is down it looks nice, and formal. It's how I know in a few years I will be wearing my hair.
She doesn't want to grow up it seems. She is content to stay a teen all of her life. I can't say I'm in a hurry to grow up, but I also know that I need to.

[jackthehat]

Before I type out a long answer, may I ask, how old are you both?

[NOX]

Dear God, I'm 51 and believe me my friend you are on the road to being the most boring person in the world at this rate. She doesn't need to grow up, you need to chill out. She can have wild hair- women in the 40's + do- it's up to them, she can change her mind about things as many times as she wants to and let me tell you someone who manages to hang onto their youth is charming, someone who is old before their time is a bore- so relax- it's nice you know how you think your life will pan out, but it's not a necessary thing for everyone.

[Voulez-vous]

Duh! Do you love her or not? End of story.

[cazzz1975]

are you a singer katara?

[sara3]

shave your head. both of you should do it.

it will be a bonding exercise.

[daffy654]

I'm 43 and love to dye my hair all different colours, it was metallic pink recently, followed a few weeks later by purple, shortly after that it was (and still is) red. Hair colour choice has nothing to do with maturity. :)

[Nini74]

Please tell us how old you both are - this will really have a bearing on things. However, from what you've said, and please don't take offence, but you sound like a bit of a control freak, having already planned how you will be wearing your hair in future etc. Its great that you've decided on a future career, but bear in mind, you may change your mind too. When I was in school I wanted to be a teacher, as a teenager I had no idea what I wanted to be and focused on having fun and being a teenager - I later became a Solicitor. And if you need to know, I wear my hair shoulder length. I don't colour it outrageous colours because of my job, but I never really did that much as a teen - wish I had though. Please tell us your ages though, as its difficult to answer our question or give you advice otherwise...

[woofgang]

Okay I need to tell your girlfriend to dump you fast whatever ages you two are!

[rojash]

I'm 60 next month and still wondering what to do when I grow up. All I can say for sure, katara11111 is I don't want to grow up to be like you...

[starone]

I am bad tempered, really cross and haven't got the patience to answer such a silly question.

[karenmac60]

Part of being 'grown up' is accepting that not everyone thinks the same way you do or wants to behave the same as you. Methinks you're not as mature as you'd like to think - more like you're following the 'rules' of what you think mature people do. If you think it's grown up to be a boring old fart then go ahead, but it's not up to you to change your girlfriend into a clone of you - if she's too 'wild' for you then let her go so she can find someone more like-minded.

[joko]

im sorry to say, but i think maybe its you that needs to grow up...

the fact that you think you have your life mapped out and look down on others for not being the same - and now feel its your place to judge and become impatient with your girfriend because she is not behaving the way you expect her too - actually just demonstrates that it is you who is the immature one...

the fact that she is undecided on her future actually shows some degree of maturity in that she is aware that she is young and things change... what we want in our youth is very often not what we want as an adult.

you sound kind of like a precocious teen.

the fact that you commented on her spelling as though thats a sign of maturity is laughable

and the fact that you think that in TWO years she should have her life sorted and mapped out already...

its so generous of you to "be okay" with her hair and that she wants to do all sorts of stuff (especially given how you describe your own EMO hairdo) - but you are clearly not 'okay' with it at all

as nox said - you are in danger of becoming old before your time and an extreme bore...

[missprim]

This is how I would do it,
katara..........GROW UP!

[joko]

by the way...what do you hope to gain from it? what do you actually expect her to do when you say this?
say "oh, ok then" and instantly just do as she is told?

telling someone to grow up is almost always meant, and taken as, an insult ... because as we all know, its not something you consciously just 'do' ... it just happens over time...

[DSJ]

She's not the girl for you. Let her down gently but after Christmas.

[jason.p]

Anyone else think this is a wind-up? This person can't be for real.

[Mamyalynne]

I do.

[cathfromsaron]

you have outgrown each other! x

[cupid04]

perhaps we can hear your girlfriend's side of the story.What does she think of
you?