Quandry about inviting people in

[Eve]

Been pondering this a bit lately. I have recently (few months ago) had some new neighbours move in.

They are lovely and have been great helping me when I had a boiler leak and part of the bathroom ceiling fell in and usually when I knock on I'm invited in for a cuppa and often cake and they've brought me leftover food round before now.

I feel bad that I don't feel quite so open about my place. They have obviously been in for the ceiling (landlord paying for him to do the work), but usually both him and his wife, but at other times when it's just him that knocks on I feel a bit mean not inviting him in.

I think part of the problem is he tends to knock on later at night, as late as after 10pm with some of the ceiling work, and by that point I'm usually in my night stuff and I'd feel uncomfortable sitting with a guy I actually don't know very well in my nightstuff at that time. I obviously put a dressing gown on to answer the door.

He just knocked on not long ago and I felt really bad him standing there as it was raining but would have felt awkward inviting him in at this time of night in my nightwear. I'm also not keen on answering the door later evening as I live on my own and in a not great area though at least I can usually see who it is else I wouldn't open it.

So I was looking for views really, whether I'm being rude/mean by not inviting him in when they've been so nice to me or whether it's justified. I'm going to get some nice cake/biscuits to take round generally or when next invited in for a cuppa at least.

[Prudie]

i completely understand while you feel uncomfortable, what exactly are his reasons for knocking so late, just now for example?

[sara3]

trust your instincts. if you're not comfortable with it, don't do it.

in future tell him "this is quite late to be knocking, I don't usually open the door after 9pm".

don't feel bad about it!

[Ebaby]

Could you not tell him that your not keen on answering the door later evening, and why did does he keep knocking?

[boxtops]

No, you are not unreasonable. I don't answer the door after 10pm unless I am absolutely certainly who it is, and I know they are coming.

Why does he come so late? - if I were you I would go round, and drop into the conversation that you go to bed early and late night visits are difficult for you - it's quite inappropriate for you to invite him if you are in your nightwear. IMO it's quite inappropriate to make visits at that time of night anyway - you are not being rude, I see this as an intrusion on your privacy.

[cazzz1975]

I agree with the above, some people are in bed at 10pm so it is an unreasonable time to call.

[pamredboots]

simply say 'i can't ask you in - i'm in my nighty'. 'what would the neighbours think?'

[boxtops]

I wouldn't say that, pam, you don't want to get the conversation round to that line of thought - it might not have occurred to him....

[237SJ]

Something about the fact that the husband is knocking on my door late at night (without the wife) would make me feel quite uncomfortable. I dont think you should feel guilty about not asking him in. I (personally) think it is quite unreasonable for him to expect you to answer the door to him after 10pm (what is so urgent that he needs to contact you at that time of night)?

[sherrardk]

How about next time you see his wife you just say something like 'oh, I'm sorry I didn't ask x in on Friday, but it was a bit late and I was in my pyjamas'?

[Ebaby]

I wouldn't answer my door to anyone at anytime unless they rang me first to say they'ed be calling.

[sara3]

and put the chain on the door, even if you know it's him. and don't take it off!

[Eve]

Just now it was to see when I was in for papering over the plastering he did a few weeks ago. He tends to come round later if anything. Not sure why, maybe they are just staying up late people.

I tried to hint a bit about trying to rest and take it easy evenings with my arthritis and gallbladder playing up when a lot of the bathroom work was done after 10pm but just wanted to get it sorted. I keep thinking that me opening the door in my nightware is a clue but obviously not.

I didn't go to the door at first earlier as it as late but he kept knocking. It's obvious I'm in though as lights on and window open for fresh air and cats to come and go.

He said to knock on for a cuppa so I might try and say something then, if his wife's there I'm sure she would understand. Could put it that if I don't answer don't be offended as I'm not answering the door to anyone after such a time to be safe. Mind you I've had a text before now when they've knocked on and had no reply.

Maybe I just need to be upfront with them, I'm just rubbish at it.

[sherrardk]

Could it be their cack handed wt of making sure you are ok/not lonely in some way? Maybe they think they are being thoughtful?

[cazzz1975]

why not say you need to get some early nights in and that you will be going to bed earlier?

[Ebaby]

Are you on your own Jenna? and seen as they are new to the area maybe you shouldn't be too quick to trust them.

[Prudie]

Can I add a funny story to this (although it certainly wasn't funny at the time), years back not long after my divorce I used to knock on my neighbour's quite lateish to get him to come and kill spiders that terrified me on my way to bed. After a few times his wife went for me and said I always called round when he was in his pyjamas and accused me of being after him!
I never dared ask again.

[Ebaby]

Prudi, you're a big flirt.

[rsvp]

there is absolutely no ways I'd even answer the door at that time of night - I think it's fraught with danger.

[Prudie]

LOL ebaby but it really was the spiders!

[wolf63]

Some guys can be incredibly dense in such things.

He is either a total creep looking for a 'friend'.

or

He just doesn't consider fully the situation and the implications.

I am not very good at answering the door. :-)