A Bit Of A Moan

[gness]

Visited my mother today. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's eight years ago and we looked after her at home until eighteen months ago.
The place she is in is lovely but she is hoisted out of bed in the morning, dozes all day and is hoisted into bed at night.
When she woke up today she asked me the one same question over and over again until I could take it no more and left...now I feel guilty of course.
I have mulled over the question of euthanasia time and time again but today I could have put a pillow over her face quite easily...not for me...for her. And of course the question of what if it's me in thirty years time pops into my head....so that's my moan..because I feel guilty I suppose and now I shall open some wine and cheer myself up.
Alzheimer's is a bitch.

[Psybbo]

NO, sit down, have a glass of wine, relax. You must not feel guilty, love and hugs

[tonyav]

You shouldn't feel guilty gness, after all were all only human.

[EcclesCake]

I quite understand your frustration and despair, not that I have had experience of Alzheimers.

My father ended his life living in a no man's land, neither the current nor the past. He couldn't remember eating an ice cream when he still had some on his lips and he couldn't look at photos of the past and recollect the memories.

He didn't know if he was coming or going and was so frustrated towards the end it was painful to see. His confusion was difficult for me to deal with and I can only imagine how hard it was for him.

Given the choice I'd certainly want a bog bottle of bubbles and an equally large pill to send me off when the time comes.

[ummmm]

It's a horrible illness and you can't be expected to not have the occasional negative thought.

[boxtops]

gness, it is. I heard a wonderful lecture a couple of years ago from a woman who had cared for her husband, all through - and if one thing stuck in my mind, it is that people regress, and the best way to deal with it is to put your mind into theirs so that you are realising they are back in childhood, and respond accordingly. Of course one size doesn't fit all - but it's a pig of a condition for everyone else to try to cope with... xx

[craft1948]

Okay, I give in..................((((gness))))

[Ann]

So sorry for you Gness, bless you, it is really hard for me to imagine how dreadful it must be to see her like that...... as my Mum gets on my nerves sometimes, she is 89, quite active and still looks after herself but we take her shopping etc. You have made me feel guilty now as I call her for being obstinate and wanting things just so. I should appreciate her, I know I really should. Love to you and lots of ((hugs))

[nannybooby]

Gness - dont know whats worse body gone and brain sharp as a tack or your mum's dilema , don't get down I'm sure on some level she knew you , have a drink calm down and dont feel guilty you have nothing to be guilty for xxx

[gness]

Thank you..... I never liked her nor she me but it's not how a person should live is it? It's not living...just lying over the arm of a chair day after day. I do get so frustrated because I can't change anything...so I have opened the wine. :-)

[katburd]

please don't feel guilty, pray for the strength to get you through, a cross to bear, try to accept the things you cannot change, I know it's hard, life is a bitch at times I say that phrase quite often these days too.God Bless.x

[carolegif]

My mother died last year. I remember her saying to me before she 'went through the looking glass' as I heard it said, that she would hope I would do the right thing! I never did, I don't regret not doing it, but I sometimes feel guilty that I didn't. I think it is just the way we are made.
I don't know what I will do if I suffer the same fate, bottle of gin (if I could open it) and some pills probably.

[gness]

Wow!!! I have a hug with Crafty!!!! Wahaaaaay!
Thanks for all your words. They do help. In the beginning there were funny moments but even they have gone now. You are so right Boxy...I have pretended to be her sister out in the bogs with her footing turf and speaking in Irish but even that is going now. She knows there are two boys in the family somewhere...my nephews...and that is the extent of her conversation. So sad isn't it.

[DTCwordfan]

Enjoy your wine.

It's a normal reaction, gness, and I may surprise you hear, one of love, a love that may be deep in you and having been suppressed by your mother from truly showing, a love that you have experienced the other way around for your kids.

Sure we become frustrated and can have negative thoughts, even become terse with them quite often, though one does try to hold back expressing the really negative "why" questions. So that pent-up feeling has to come out.

So don't feel guilty, you softie.........enjoy the wine.

Similarly related, I am all in favour of having euthanasia available as the Neths and Switzerland do, the decision and paperwork to set this all up having to be done in controlled legal and psychological conditions when compos mentis.

When I look at my mother and how she had slipped back with this terrible degenerative disease (also Alzheimers and Vascular known as Mixed Dementia to thos eof you unaware), I hope that I never have to undergo this. More positively, big strides are being made on the drug front so that is encouraging for we the next generation.

[Jeza]

Gness. When I am struggling I recite this to myself.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Enjoy your drink. You did the right thing by walking away.

[DTCwordfan]

This is not mine:

"I am a human being
Though I am old and still.
Even though I never speak
Does not mean I cannot feel.

I am not an empty shell
My heart still beats within.
I am simply waiting here
For my new life to begin.

We are on this earth
For his job we must complete.
When that job is finished
The Lord and I will meet.

So don’t begrudge me
My silent stay.
For I could be you
On some future day."

(and hopefully not ré the last two lines)

[DTCwordfan]

Should have seen the discussion here this afternoon

"What time is it?"
"Three twenty-five"
"Three twenty-five?"
"Yes"
"I don't believe it."
"Well, my watch says it and so does my computer."
"Is it three twenty-five in the afternoon."
"Well, if it was three twenty-five in the morning it would be bloody dark!"
"Oh yes."

Five minutes later, a repetition of this.

And then that finished, ever so frustratingly;

"Oh, three twenty-five in the afternoon and it's Monday." (Normally she can't even remember the day!)

[gness]

For the words and the poem, Jezza and DT, thank you and for the smile DT.
Which is worse Nannybooby, brain or body? God knows, but having had both in my life I can only say that a physical illness was slightly easier if only because there was always hope of getting better even if it was a false hope.
We thought we were lucky in getting the best of the new drugs for Mum's condition...but I now have to ask why. That sounds cruel I know but it just seems to have prolonged the agony of the disease.

[DTCwordfan]

I often have that latter thought too.

One of her friends was diagnosed at the same time and has been off the Donepezil (don't know the reason why) and her slippage was a shock to see at Christmas.....even though I know you can't compare two patients.

[gness]

Having said that DT, I don't know enough to know what kills the majority of Alzheimer's patients....how much does the disease contribute to death. Do they just live their normal life span but with Alzheimer's?
Getting a bee in my bonnet about this today aren't I? Just seeing all the residents I suppose and really the lack of dignity in the last years of life.
I'll go with the gin and pills too I think Carol....x

[lady-janine]

gness (((((xxx)))))