So Want A Cigarette

[ferlew]

Four years ago, I stopped smoking.
Has such a stressy day today, and I am desperate for a cigarette.
Managed to resist so far, but I am glowingly aware that I could still buy some.
I haven't eaten, 2 cuppas, and my only thoughts are about cigarettes.
Can anyone advise, comment?

[Prudie]

Well if it helps I used to smoke Consulate and they're as rare as hen's teeth to find these days. Have you got any sweets or mints?

[237SJ]

You need to eat something. That is why you want a cigarette.

[ferlew]

Ok, youngest lad suffering severe mental problems after 2 relationship breakdowns.
Pals have deserted him, I am all he has.
Have just got him CBT therapy.
He is ultra OCD, and takes up to 6 hours to be able to leave his flat.
Called him this AM, to remind of appt, no reply for 3 hours.
Drove to his place, and finally raised him.
Because I dragged him out, without him being able to do his 'routines' he was so horrid to me.
I was so afraid.

[ferlew]

I can;t seen to do right without doing wrong for him.
He did explain later his anger was not at me, just at himself, I just feel so rotten I can't help my own lad.

[gness]

Oh Lord....no wonder you need a cig and can't eat, Ferlew....our advice isn't going to help much is it?
Do you have anyone close to help you or to chat to?..x

[Tilly2]

Aww, ferlew. I am sorry that you are having to go through this. No wonder you are stressed.

[ferlew]

Not really Gness.
I also have OH to sort, he has Alzheimers, and is disabled.
I feel torn in so many directions.
Chocolate? Well I just don't do sweet stuff.
Made an GP appt this teatime, the queue was so long, I abandoned ship.
BP and pulse were mega high, I was gonna ask for beta blockers, (which I am allowed, only as a 1st aid device.) My other meds preclude regular BB's.

[ferlew]

I feel so bad letting all this out. Yet I fear more heart attacks if I just stew.
Got my sub lingual spray.
If I can be perfectly frank, I just do not want all this.
All that stops me doing daft things is that my OH and my lad cannot cope alone.

[Psybbo]

Oh ferlew, sorry, that is so hard. Get any relief you can xx

[ferlew]

Managed a selfish weep, thanks to your good wishes.
Gonna have me a humongous V&T, and see if it helps.

[gness]

Ferlew.....there comes a time when we just have to stop all the caring for our own sake.....I know from having MrG and my mother at the same time. You get...as you say...torn.
Sometimes there just isn't enough of you to cope with that however willing and responsible you feel.

You must...really must get to the doctor....take a book...magazine and sit for however long it takes and then talk....tell them all you are feeling and dealing with. It's what they are there for and you are as deserving as anyone.

You need to get help for yourself, and with OH and your son if you are going to be able to be there at all for them...

I haven't had the problem of your son....but I do know some of your problems.....and we can't manage for ever.....Gx

[ferlew]

Very hard Gness, specially as we are in a new (to us) city.
Mum's/OH's tend to put themselves on the back burner. I tell my GP's this.
I must let all you good folks rest.
Thanks for comments.
Gonna have a paddle round the village, that may help :)

[gness]

Ferlew....take care...please get help...and come back for a chat.....Gx

[anneasquith]

I know many will disagree with me, but given ferlew's circumstances, I don't blame her for the need of a cigarette.

[Psybbo]

Anne, agreed xx

[gness]

Anne....I've come to the same conclusion....it is of course up to Ferlew....and it would be so hard to stop again....and easy for the non smokers to berate us.......but just sometimes .....xx

[tonyav]

Same here.

[tonyav]

These are exceptional circumstances.

[gness]

True, Tony....and knitting a hat and sucking chocolate won't always do..x

[tonyav]

I know, gness, I understand.