i hate to be harsh, but she sounds like a useless lump and i really don't know what your brother was thinking - if he did think she would miraculously change. how can anybody expect her to be suddenly different on her 4th child? she obviously is lazy, immature and not cut out for mothering - and at worst is a dangerous child neglecter/abuser. if i were your brother, i would have thrown her out by now and got on with being a parent by myself - behaviour that you have described is just not on and you have to tell your brother and ss/health visitor etc. but beware - if you stick your nose in you will probably be blamed if things go south. why don't you chat to your mum/dad and get them to back off completely so your brother sees for himself just how his g/f is.....and hopefully he will see the light. looking after a baby/shopping/cooking/cleaning etc. is had (but he could do it - millions do), but if he is left to his own devices and is responsible as you say, hopefully he will kick her to the kerb quickly. if everybody else pitches in and takes up the slack, it will take him longer to realise this and longer to dump her. you could try talking to him about it to see how he feels (take him out of the house and away from everybody else) but at the end of the day, it is his mess to deal with, not your mum's or yours. he needs a wake up call and a reality check, and everybody pussy-footing around will not help.