How would you feel?

[Hazel104]

OK this is quite involved but here goes.

Earlier this year my cousin got married and I wasn't invited where's everyone else including my mum were. I was told it was due to numbers, I could understand her not inviting me to the ceremony as we are not overly close but I would have liked to go the reception. Mum told me that there was plenty of room at both venues and she quite angry about it as was obviously not true about the numbers, to top that not a single person asked after me.

However what really hurts me is that my cousin's mum had terminal cancer and it was clear she did not have long left to live so we all knew this would be last time we could all be together. My Aunt has since died and I never had the chance to see her one last time. I went to the funeral, but felt I could not go to the gathering afterwards as I did feel I would be welcome (if I am not at her wedding why her mothers funeral?) I also felt it was the most respectful thing to do for them. Apparently though this has not gone down well with other members of the family.

Now I have no idea where this has all come from. I am not a load mouth who gets drunk at family do's and we have never fallen out. We've have never been close but that is more to do with distance than anything else. The last time I saw her and all my other cousins was last year and we had a great time together (I thought).

Could it be that I didn't go and visit her mum when she was ill? I was asked not to unless asked. My mum, cousins and other aunts went to see her, but went on a day I honestly couldn't go with them. I also didn't cal them, but gain I was told not to, so I thought I was doing the right thing. Do you think that could be it?

My problem now is I have just received an invite to another Aunts birthday in August, and have no idea if I should go or not? I still feel really hurt by it all and part of me feels I can not face them all ever again.

[Physicsgirl]

Maybe it would be best to go. If you had the chance, you could possibly sort things out a bit - there could be lots of misconceptions on both sides of the fence? I've lost most of my family members, and only have a brother left, although I'm quite young. Despite all the nastiness that can go on in families, I've always found it better for not to have any fall outs on your conscience.
If you do go and they're not nice to you, at least you'll know that it wasn't your fault.
You can choose you friends!.....

Good luck with your decision

[bednobs]

answered on your other post

[lnknprkbabe]

you should go, dont say anything about past events unless asked why you never turned up etc, tell the truth that you flet hurt that you were not invited and didnt feel welcome due to this but dont make a scene, be polite and make it understood how you flet though.
but remember your there for your aunt , she invited you so you dont have to talk to the others if you still feel hurt

[spudqueen]

Please don't be so angry about the invitation to the wedding. Remember that it costs a lot of money for a guest at a wedding, and your cousin (or whoever was paying for the wedding) would have had to pay for your meal, the toasts etc. Just because there was room in the venue doesn't mean that they could afford more guests.

I wouldn't take it personally, it usually is just a matter of cost. And it wouldn't have cost anything for you at the ceremony, just the reception! It is quite usual for invites to include Aunts and Uncles but not cousins.

I'm sure you did the right thing about your Aunt, though I trust that you did send a condolence card expressing your regret at not seeing your Aunt before she died and expressing how much you would miss her.

Why not accept the invitation to your other Aunts birthday? If you don't go you are only distancing yourself further from your relatives. I would go, and do mention to your cousin how sorry you were that you couldn't see her Mother before she died. I'm sure that if you do this all the bridges will be mended and you will feel so much better.

[Hazel104]

I've replied in Family Life.

[sense4all]

You should go to the party, just be yourself . Don't make a big deal of it or it will spoil your Aunt's birthday.

[Bohne]

Point one: You are upset at not being invited to your cousin's wedding.
Where other cousins invited, and it was just you left out?
The fact that nobody asked after you does not seem to favour this version. They probably did not expect to see you there.
But whichever it is, in the end it was their wedding, and it is their choice who they want to have with them on their special day.

Point two: You did not see your aunt before she died.
Blaming this on not being invited to the wedding seems -sorry - pretty lame.

Point three: You decided not to go to the gathering after your aunt's funeral. Seems like a 'you did not want me then, now I don't want to either'-reaction.
That is your decision, why it would puzzle other members of your family I can understand.

Point four: What all this now has to do with your aunt's birthday I have no idea.
If you don't feel like seeing your family, don't!
It is not such a big deal.
I hardly ever see any of my aunts and cousins.
We are not that close, either!

[kimclarkson48]

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