long distance

[richee]

my boyfriend will work away soon for at least 3months. we are in 1 year relationship and have been living together since last year. we have been through lot at the first stage of relationship and gradually settling now. now my boyfriend is looking forward to work abroad becuase he can earn much more money than staying here. yesterday, he told me he probably will leave soon and his company may ask him to do 1 year instead of 3 month abroad. i was quite disappointed after hearing this, as seems he didint consider how i feel about it at all. im living in his house now, when he is working away i will look after here all by myself. i told him i dont care how much money he earn, i can go to do full time work and we will have more money, i dont feel it is good thing to stay apart for long term for such a young relationship. he said money is important for him , he can pay off his mortage after working abroad etc. but he even didnt mention a word what shall i do when he is away, he just took it for granted i will wait here and look after his house for him and till him back without giving me any commitment. we both dont have family around, so we are most closest to each other at moment, we have been talking about to have baby in 1 or 2 years. i feel so low he didint have a plan for our future and made up his mind to work abroad by himself. i asked once if you work away over 1 year, what you expect me to do?he said easily you just stay and live here till i am back. he hasnt got plan to ask me to go with him either. he got very good paid job, and very generous to me, but seems he cant understand i dont care he is rich or poor, i just want to settle down and build my own family!! i dont feel positive to deal with a long distance relationship either.

[lil75]

I do sympathise with how your feeling, I think I would be feeling a little lost too, however if he could get his mortgage paid up just for working away for a year, imagine the type of life he would be able to offer you and any future children.

Im sure you would be able to go out there for holidays and stuff, I dont think he will be gone for a year and you have to stay put, after all he does have the money by the sounds of it to fly you out there.

It must be nice to have someone that is prepard to go to such lengths to give you stability and a better quality of life, you should embrace it, rather than doubt it , and if you get lonely, just get yourself on the answerbank, theres always someone to chat to on here! x

[richee]

thanks for replies zacsmaster and lil75, i do feel a bit better now.

yes lil75, i m very appreciated the stable life he gave to me, but just the way he is doing made me feeling he is doing it only for himself, he made his decision and only infomed me after he applied the job, he said few times he may get 1 year or even longer contract, and talking about how much money he could get, but even without a word about how we gonna deal with the distance. i dont want to hold him back, i know he doesnt like working here and always want to go abroad, just feel we have just been though lots few months earlier of ther year, we finally calm down and started enjoying the relationship, the distance would make me worrying, probably im just an very insure person. i probably expect him to show me the atitude he is responsible for the relationship, what he is doing is for our future, but all i heard is 'i want to do this, i want to do that' sounds abit too self obsessed to me.

[lil75]

If you feel he is making decisions without discussing it with you 1st, you should tell him your feeling a bit left out where decision making is concerned and that you have an opinion on things too, share with him how your feeling instead of taking a back seat and keeping it all in, it will make you feel so much better!

[pmorris1961]

This man started off telling you it was 3 months, when he noted your reaction, it changed to 1 year.....................when you accepted that it became maybe more........................

I wonder if he just wants to leave and intends to sort out your relationship after he has left and its easier to do it my email or letter.

Some men cant bear confrontation, perhaps hes just waiting for you to find his actions unacceptable and demand action, and then he can blame your pushiness and ask you to go....................

I am wary because

1) he didnt discuss it with you first
2) he hasnt set out a plan of how often you will travel to him and vis versa
3) he hasnt made any promises about your future together

the question i want to ask you is................... dont you think its time to find someone who loves you ?? and who wants the same things you do, he may love you but he clearly doesnt want what you want......................... and probably never will.

we all wish im sure that im wrong, but in your heart of heart you know , go with your instinct.....................

[WhiteBear]

hi richee (under a diff name?)

to tell u the truth he always thought about him first b4 anything else. well gd luck...... i dont want to say anymore....

why is he leaving you on your own? do u know anyone else in the area? mayb you should go home for a couple months to see your family or mayb invite your mum over to keep u company?

x

[richee]

hi WB, thanks for those suggestions.
the man is selfish, but he gave me lots support and tolerent lots to me as well. we are dependent on each other, but in different ways, im more emotionally.i feel not too bad now, as i need build up my own life in the new city with or without him, but i was too dependent on him emotionally before.
i do think to invite mum over here, but all the invitations we sent to her for applying visitor visa ar lost, how annoying!! he wants me to go for holiday there for 2 weeks as well, so hope all good.