anxiety

[homerbart]

I have loads of this and now i am retired - i feel i can no longer cope or for that matter i so dont want to cope with people coming to my house for a week or weekends - i especially cannot be bothered with men - dont mind one woman as I then can do my own thing but with men there ie woman's husband, or woman's father, i have to dress appropriately ie cannot wear my nightdress and pyjamas, make small talk when i dont know these men. am thinking of chucking my backroom bed out - i am female by the way - no matter how many times I say no - you cant come to me - they ignore me and put me in a situation and imposition

[terambulan]

Dont answer phone or door! If callers shout for attention call police......they'll soon get the message.

Who says u have to dress for callers.....ur standards and not law.

[homerbart]

these people fly over from england to ireland - so cant close door - anyway they know i am always in.

[yogasun]

Homer who are these people who won't take no for an answer - friends, relatives? I can't imagine any of our friends ignoring us if we said we couldn't put them up.
I feel the same as you now. As I get older I am becoming less tolerant to people invading my domestic space.
Just tell them your spare room is out of action or that your GP has said you need a rest.

[homerbart]

do all that yogasun but the lady in question is a very good friend of mine but that is all I can put up with - as you say i dont want or cannot be bothered with invasion of my domestic space as i have been living on my own for 20 years now and like my own company thank you very much

[yogasun]

I do sympathise homer, it's easy to give advice here but sometimes hard to put the ideas into practice. I'm just surprised that as she is such a good friend she is not immediately aware of the stress you feel when her husband/father turn up as well. Have you tried explaining to her how you feel? If so why does she keep putting you under such pressure?

[1955]

Tell her that you don't mind her stopping on her own but you can't cope when 2 people stop. Change the double bed for a single. Make excuses - say you are turning the spare bedroom into a storage room. It's your home - don't feel bad about who you allow to stay.

[Bathsheba]

Aah homer, i totally sympathise with you. I'm the same as yoga- i love my own space, and even though i love my husband dearly we allow each other plenty of alone time. As i've got older i've tried to cut back on doing things i feel i "ought" to do. A good tip is to just say "no, i'm sorry, that's not convenient, or i'd rather not". If they push you for a reason, then they are not true friends.
Easier said than done, i know! :-) xxx

[homerbart]

thanks everybody for your advice as you say it is easier said than done. ta ra!!!

[Velvetee]

Why do you have so many people wanting to stay with you, do they think you are running a guest house?

[homerbart]

Velvetee - I will tell you it is because there is no man here - banging doors - grumpy faces - bad moods etc.

There is only one person ie me. Believe me that is the main reason - i am female as you may guess.