Should I say something, and if so, what?

[st-tropez]

I've been single for about 3 years due to my job moving me around the world so much, but am now back in the country, and have recently met a new woman.
We've been out together about a dozen or so times now and I think she's absolutely great, she says she thinks the same about me and we get on amazingly well.
Except there is one thing about her that is really starting to bother me and getting me a little worried:
Not once on any of our dates has she offered to pay for anything or even got close to getting her purse out. Over and above that she doesn't even say thank you.
An example of it happened a couple of nights ago. We had a great evening walking through the city, window shopping, went to a great Italian, had a great meal and when the bill came, she didn't make an attempt or even say anything, so I payed (no problem there) and there wasn't even a "thank you".
Exactly the same happens whenever we just go for a drink � we walk to the bar, we order, I end up paying �. and still no thank you.
I'm not major wealthy or anything, but not doing too bad either. I probably wouldn't even let her pay, but manners, courtesy and etiquette cost nothing.
My worry is that she has admitted to manipulating men in the past (years ago) and using them to get what she wanted.
My friends say I should get out, but other than this I really like her � any thoughts? Or if I should say something, how to do it?
Thanks!

[MarzipanQ]

Get out - simple as that.

[4getmenot]

is there any way you can do something that doesnt involve payign all the time, like staying in watching a film etc. ? I cant stand women like this, women nowadays want to be all equal in everything else and then want the bloke to pay all the time. I always offer to pay my share.

[debbz1969]

OOOhhhh a tricky one st-trop. Ok. It sounds to me like she is used to getting what she wants. If you have expressed your feelings towards her, then if she can be manipulative, she could use this against you.
I think you and she need to have a heart to heart and you need to express your concerns. If she feels the same way about you she won't mind.
By not saying anything with, in the long run, make you very resentful and the relationship will be very short lived.
In summary....
Talk to her and tell her.

Good luck.x

[Sgt.Rock]

The same thing happened with a friend of mine. Always his car and he paid for all the meals and drinks, which were often expensive. She never even offered once.
He soon dumped her and was very happy he did.

[elginred]

What a shame!!

Can I just ask, is it always you who suggests where you go/what you do? It amy be that she genuinely doesn't earn that much and assumes that if you suggest it, you'll pay.

Other than that, I agree with 4get. Women like these are the limit!

I hope you get it sorted, and that it works for you!!

ERx

[Panic Button]

Agree with Sgt. Rock.

If she is a selfish type, no amount of taliking will change that.

You can do much better than her

[MarzipanQ]

Have to say it's not just women that do this sort of thing - I've met a couple blokes in my time who have done the same. My previous comment was a gut reaction from my own shabby treatment. They too relied on my really liking them to take advantage until I came to my senses & thought "Whoaaaaaa". And never but never lend this person any money, the soft sell WILL come, and you'll be suckered into the loan against your better judgement & I doubt you'll get repaid. Plenty more fish in the sea but don't hook a shark:)

[Bbbananas]

I'd say get out - of course she's being nice at the moment - she's getting everything she wants from you!

She sounds to be a selfish manipulating rude badmannered young woman. She should at least offer, in fact on occasion insist, to pay her share.

[natalie_1982]

Why not suggest to her that you stay in and watch a film . cook as you cannot afford to keep paying for everything. That way you are making your point but still offering her your company; she may genuinely be emabarressed and hard up, although this doesn't excuse the lack of manners. If she really is a gold digger then she will head for the hills.

Sadly I do know women like this and they will rinse you dry, I know of one in particular who has taken nearly �20K in cash and gifts over a six month period. Whats even sadder is they don't tend to grow out of it, I know someone in her late 40s who is still at it.

[st-tropez]

Hi all,

Thanks for all your advice
You all seem to be saying the same thing � which should tell me something in itself!!
To answer some of your questions:
We both live in the country about half hour away from each other and have towns and a city in between us. So we both decide a meeting place and just take it from there usually � that way we both decide. We have done a couple of evenings in with pizza/DVD etc....which I paid for!
She has a great job with the government (bloody government will find and use anyway to screw me!!) and owns horses � so she's not exactly what I would call skint!!
Also I can't believe she's like this when she's out with her own friends.
I've just come off the phone with a mate, he suggests next time were out (Friday), I should just act as normal and say nothing. But this, yet another date goes (it will also of been a week since we last saw each other) by without her offering or even saying thank you � then I should get out!!
What do you think?

Thanks to you all for your advice � it is much appreciated.

[4getmenot]

well if she wants to live in a world where the man pays for everything like its the 50's then treat her that way too. then when she asked why you're being a pompous git tell her you thought she wanted to be treatde like that and as if the man was in charge

[natalie_1982]

If you decide to go out Friday and at the end of the meal she decides not to offer to pay you could say something along the lines of "Now I don't want you to be embarassed but if you're not in a position to help with paying for meals / drinks, then I completely understand and we can take turns cooking at eachother's homes" or something like that. The ball is in her court then.

Also, being tight is a trait that many people have - we all have a friend that decides they're ready to head home when it gets to their round, or the friend that orders a pint of Stella on their round but only has a half of fosters on their own! It would be sad to end a relationship on a crappy trait that many people have - I think you should raise the issue this week or it will eat at you and you will end up resenting her, and if she is a gold digger then you are better off knowing now and get it done and dusted asap!
Good luck, and let us know how it goes x

[ummmm]

Just tell her to get her ******* round in......!!!!

[4getmenot]

I have a friend that doesnt go out much but when she has been invited out to parties etc she's said how much she's looking forward to it and how she's gonna get drunk. Then you get there buy her a drink, then someone else buys her a drink, then you say 'right its your round' and she says 'I only have �3 on me' So you wonder why she thought she was gonna get drunk on �3 in first place!!

[4getmenot]

Or buy her this as a hint

http://www.qfonic.com/tight-git-wallet-great-f unny-gift-secret-santa-p-2283.html

[mccfluff]

we have a friend who does something similar, she is very short moneywise and none of us mind buying her a drink except she now comes out wothout any money and expects us to buy her drinks.... the last few times i've told her that i'm skint myself but i can get her a coke if she likes!

in your situation why not 'forget' your wallet friday night and see what happens

[natalie_1982]

Oooh, good thinking mccfluff, except MrNat did that once when we began dating.... ooops.......

[4getmenot]

She'll probably say well I can LEND you some money till next time

[badhorsey]

Ah... a tricky one indeed. I was in the same situation a few years ago and it came to a head when we agreed to go away for the weekend. We got as far as the train station and I said "Tell you what - you get the tickets and I'll get us a bottle of Champagne for the journey".

Quoth the girl: "But I've only got �10 for the weekend..."

And that was it. It was like a bucket of water had been thrown in my face. I just said, "I'm sorry. I can't do this." and walked off back to the tube station and went out and spent the weekend with my mates, all of whom got rounds in at the requisite times.

[DaisyMae]

I think the most important part of this whole sorry saga is her lack of good manners. If she doesn't offer to pay her way it could be construed as not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable, but not saying 'thankyou' and telling you how much she appreciated your company and what a nice evening you have had together - is unforgiveable. I think most of the previous posts are right, she is a gold digger and really doesn't think that much of you as a person, you are just a wallet on legs.