When should you accept a relationship is over?

[maplestar]

When should you accept a relationship is over? I love him, he loves me, we are engaged.

Many things have happened over the past year - he hasn't cheated on me, circumstances led me to think he was cheating (notes in his bag, texting another girl late into the night, staying out all night once, to find he's slept on a girls 'sofa') .... he has convinced me nothing is going on. And we have been through so much together, other things that are bigger have tested us and we stayed together.

But we both know that if I can't fully trust him then we can't continue. I end up in tears so often. I think of my life without him in it and I will just fall apart. After arguing or me getting upset, we ask each other "what are we going to do?" in desperation. I have had my family and his family members tell me I need to stop being so negative, see that this guy loves me and just get on with it, which I have tried but we're still at the crossroads.

We are so deeply in love but have been fighting to keep it going for a while now. There is so much to lose. I am very stressed out at the moment (we both have an awful lot on our plates) and our relationship has come to a head... what if we end it and it's the worst decision I ever made? I still believe he is the love of my life... when I ask him if he sees us together in ten 10 years time he says he doesn't know anymore, a year ago things were perfect, he asked me to marry him and he said that I was The One. How can your life fall apart in less than 12 months?

[redman41]

If there is no trust then you have real problems. What if the 'Love of your life' cheats on you what will you do then ?
Maybe he isn't the one for you maplestar, think about it !!

[mccfluff]

do you believe nothing went on? becuase looking at your post it doesn;t seem to me that he "convinced" you.

sorry to hear what you are going through must be a tough time for you, i personally feel that if you ned to be able to trust and if you can;t then its over. but you say that you love each other - have you considered counselling, going to relate?

[karenmac60]

Why don't you have a break for a while? Concentrate on the other things that are stressing you out and just spend some time on your own but with the intention of getting together in a few months time and talking to see if you have a future together or not?

[Le Chat]

I think you have need to make a conscious decision here. I don't think for one minute you believe he hasn't cheated on you, or you wouldn't be posting this on here as there wouldn't be a question.
Decide to let it drop or decide to drop him. Noone knows what the future holds, so asking about 10 yrs forwards is pointless. Just get on with today.
If you are 2 single people, why is this love so difficult? You should just be enjoying each other. Maybe you need choas and confusion in order to feel at home?

[askyourgran]

Don't hang on to someone you are not sure about, if you end up marrying him and he still "sleeps on someone's sofa" it will be much harder to break away. If he cannot see you both together in 10 years it's time to have a really serious think about it. You can't go on being upset all the time. I don;t know how old you are, but there is life beyond this. It's your life and your decision at the end of the day.

[Blackrose9]

First off - no - this guy was not acting right, or treating you right. Dont get me wrong, guys can have friends, but staying out all night on her sofa...WHAT? That is not normal. His behavior (texting her all night), is enough to cause insecurities and doubts. I have male friends. I don't text them all night. There is a line. Trust your gut. In this instance I think you are spot on not to trust this guy. Sometimes you just know.

You do need trust - but your partner needs to treat you right and with respect. This guy, isn't treating you right, or you wouldn't be hurting.

My mother told me, and this hit me hard - a guy who loves you - will never put you in a position to lose you. Staying out on a girls 'sofa', and texting her all night? Isn't putting you into a position to keep you.

The mere fact you're questioning this relationship says it all. This isn't deep love. He doesn't know if he will be with you long term. Girl get out. You're going to regret staying with him because this guy, is already uninvested. Get someone who knows your worth - and will treat you right.