Bowel Cancer - what to expect at the end

[SpiritLady]

I have a problem and I dont know anyone who can help me. A friend of mine who is living with me was told he had bowel cancer 5 years ago. He refused treatment and is now going into the next level/end stages. He is an alcoholic and, as he rightly says, at the age of 63 and not much time left why should he stop ... he just wants to enjoy the rest of the time he has left by doing what he wants to do. He has no family, only me and mine. He hardly eats, has lost so much weight over the last 3 months and suffers bleeding from the back passage. I dont want this to sound disgusting but when he goes to the toilet, all he passes is water. He still gets around and does not need caring or looking after in any way at this time.

Is there anyone out there who can tell me what my friend and I are facing in the future when the end comes for him ..... will he be in pain? will he need hospitalization (which I know he will refuse)? what can i do at the end to ease things for him?

Thank you to anyone who responds to this message in advance ..... it is much appreciated as i have never had any dealings with this kind of thing before.

[sandyRoe]

Could you contact one of the cancer charities for information? Plenty of well-meaning people here but I'm not sure how well qualified they would be to advise you.
I'm sorry to hear about your friends condition.

[SpiritLady]

i have thought of that sandy but the problem is ..... we live in spain and im not sure if uk based charities would be happy giving advise to people who dont live in the uk. im kind of hoping that someone on here would have been through the awful experience of loosing someone to this terrible disease

[RATTER15]

He almost certainly has the right to have treatment at home, I know that in the UK, as long as somebody will help him at home, he would be on some very strong pain killers and in the end probably a syringe driver that would automatically dispense very strong meds to see him through the worst of the pain until the end comes.

Good luck, I know this can be very traumatic for all concerned.

[jno]

there's a rather skethcy outline of a study here

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10809464

Sorry I can't be of more help. I think cancer charities would help regardless of where you are. You could try Bacup

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Home.aspx

[SpiritLady]

thanks ratter15. again, another problem ..... he hasnt even told his doctor over here that he has cancer!!! he is scared to say anything in case they put him in hospital which he will not agree too. from what you have said, the end is not going to be pleasant regarding pain levels. yes he does have tablets for the pain at the moment which comes over him in spasms but im not sure about obtaining morphine for him when the end comes. will he not be able to function on his own at the end????? can anyone answer that for me?????

[tamborine]

If he collapses he will have to be admitted to hospital.

UK hospitals can dispense morphine in cases of unbearable pain. The patient then dies peacefully if they don't recover.

[Sqad]

Impossible to say how is end will come, but it will not be long.

Alcoholic, passing watery bloody stools. then he may not have any pain at all and it is my guess that his end will come in hepatic(liver) coma due to his alcoholism and liver secondaries from his bowel cancer.

You cannot force him to go to the hospital and with a bit of luck, he will just fall into painless coma and die.

[SpiritLady]

@jno .... thank you for the links. the first one is quite heavy reading and i will look into the mcmillon site. thanks
@tamborine .... i have told him that if he becomes unconscious or anything like that then i will have to call an ambulance for legal reasons and he said that is ok as he wouldnt know anything about it but he wont go in voluntarily. he is worried about going in pain and would just like to go in his sleep .... which would be so much better for him

[SpiritLady]

thank you sqad .... i hope you are right. it wont be nice for me to find him one morning dead in his bed but at least i will have the comfort that we went peacfully and without pain

[Sqad]

Best of luck Spiritlady

[ethandron]

my dad had bowel and liver cancer. he survived for 3 years after the op to remove the bowel tumour and a brief course of chemo. he lived by himself and it was only the last week of his life that he became 'uncomfortable' (his words), his whole stomach area had swollen up due to fluid. he was admitted to the hospice where they tried to drain some of the fluid but were unsuccessful. he was pursuaded to have a little morphine, which up to that point he had refused. i don't believe he was in much pain at all, it seemed to be his distended stomach which caused the uncomfortableness. he slipped into a coma two days after morphine was started and died very peacefully two days later, six days after being admitted to the hospice.
i believe i could have managed him at home if he had wanted it. i'm sure as you go along and come to each decision you have to make, circumstances will dictate the right way to go both for you and your friend. all the best to you :)

[SpiritLady]

to ethandron. i am so sorry to hear about the passing of your dad. i lost my mum last october and am still very sore with the loss. thank you very much though for your encouraging words that it is possible, no matter how small, that my friend may go peacefully.

to jno. just for the record, i have had an email back from macmillon today saying that they cant help me with any advice as im not in the uk. i suppose they only have a small number of staff and a budget to stick to. they have sent me some links to which i will be looking into so hopefully they will give me a better idea of what to face.

[jno]

sorry to hear that, spiritlady; 'charity' obviously doesn't quite mean what it used to. Hopefully the links they have sent will be of some use.