Perhaps the trick is not to be judgemental. Seems to me that there is a point in what she says. She's put up with a lot that she had no say in, in the recent past, and doesn't see why should be all sweetness & light for a sandwich. It's a reasonable position to take. You see things differently. You were not overly put out tolerating the renovation, and see the get together as a nice gesture. That is also valid. But it indicates you were affected differently by what occurred.