Grief and dates

[coccinelle]

I lost my husband as many know on 1st September last year. I have noticed as the months pass that the end of the months are really difficult to live through (anxiety, stress and depressive) then once we're into another month those feelings leave me. I remember at first not wanting to leave September because he was still alive in that month but once in October I was OK The worst months have been those which lead to 3 months, 6 months then upto today 9 months. This is added stress to what I normally feel.
Does anybody else have this kind of feeling? It might help me with the following end of months to come.

[bednobs]

Since my daughter died, i have never understood why six months should be more difficult that (say) seven months, or four months five days, but it is. Although i have ups and downs on different days, those "anniversaries" cause me more downs. I also find that because she was born on a thursday, burried on a thursday, and we found out she was in trouble on a thursday, that day becomes significant to me too. My son also died on a thursday, and it's strange the memories and associations i have with that day. I found new years difficult too, because i was pregnant for more time than i was not pregnant in that year and it was hard to leave that year with all it's joy and sadness behind

[bednobs]

ps sorryi don't have any words or tips that might help you on those days

[chrissa1]

I haven't reached the six month date since my husband died yet but I don't find myself thinking...oh that's another month gone since he died. It's the little things like the "memorable date" for my bank account is our wedding day 35 years ago that saddens me. The first anniversary will be hard for me though.

[rowanwitch]

Anniversaries trigger memories and feelings, acknowledging them for what they are, and accepting those feelings is part of the process.....its still not been very long... but there will come a time when the anniversaries are filled with good recollections....your husband's birthday....the daft presents perhaps or other ways you celebrated...christmasses... you will start to remember the ones you had together...it takes time...and there will always be the sad ones but even they will have echoes of the good things he meant to you...

[chrissa1]

Wise words as ever rowanwitch.

[coccinelle]

Thank you for your answers. These feelings I have surprise me because I wasn't conscious of them I just find myself stressed up and anxious a couple of days at the end of the month then once into the new month I'm as before. It's as if I wonder if can manage the stress of it all and once a milestone has passed there is some relief.
bednobs it's strange what you say as I've just realised that we found out my husband had cancer on a Wednesday, he died on a Wednesday and his funeral was a Wednesday but that hasn't stuck in my unconscience... it might do now!
rowanwitch thanks for those wise words. Chrissa, thinking of you, it's isn't easy.

[Dee Sa]

dont forget your loved ones are still with you, looking over your shoulder to make sure you are safe, they miss you too.

[coccinelle]

Lovely thought Dee Sa...