Relationship over but am I really to blame?

[cosmicangel]

Hi everyone

I just found this website and read some posts and everyone seems nice and gives straight talking answers so I thought I'd ask for some advice. Sorry it's going to be a long one.

My partner and I were together about a year, he was previously in a marriage and has 2 kids. Now he blames me for everything that went wrong in our relationship saying I started arguments every 2 days and while this is true I can explain the reasoning behind it.

My ex lives with various 'mates' but I'm not allowed to know where, his explanation is that it's his friends properties and he should not give out the details.

He has secret phone calls and texts to his 'ex' which I don't like, if you have nothing to hide then why not answer the calls in front of me?

He can not talk to me on the phone if someone is around him again his reasoning is he does not want people to know his business.

Constantly lets me down, we can say we are going to do something then he fobs me off to go be with mates or 'ex'. I walked to a shopping centre 5 miles from my house in the snow cos he failed to turn up he went to his mates instead and even though I was ringing him and texting crying he didnt care just carried on doing what he was doing. But his 'ex' just has to call and say she sneezed and he's there.

Oh and he keeps 'borrowing' the 'exes' car even though he knows I HATE IT and refuse to get in it.

I have not been an angel my ex once sent me some dirty text messages and a picture but I did not ask for it I did not reply to it and cut off all contact with him but my current ex KEEPS bringing it up saying it was all my fault I left myself open to it.

He hates me chatting to guys even though I get on better with them which he knew from the start.

So am I in the wrong? Did I screw up ou relationship?

Thanks

[cosmicangel]

Oh and he was always 'too busy' for me but he owes me money so I asked him to meet me the other day and guess what he didnt turn up and left me standing in the cold for over 3 hours. On my way home some bloke was following me so I asked him to call me and he didnt. But says he still loves me

[dtgblue]

Yep definitely all your fault love. Never mind eh.

[cosmicangel]

He thinks he's Mr perfect and doesn't do anything wrong. It's all my fault the way he treats me apparently

[dtgblue]

Sorry take no notice of me, I'm a heartless misogynist with a cruel sense of humour. I'm sure some of the more thoughtful ladies and gents on here will help out shortly

[cosmicangel]

lol dtg it's alright I actually thought you was being sarcastic.

[moonraker558]

It's a bit too early in the day for this cosmic, you would have got a better response at night when most of the female population on here are sloshed and vocal.

[cosmicangel]

Sorry Moonraker it's just I'm so stressed out about all this I hardly sleep. This is late for me lol

[woofgang]

Its not a blame thing. Deciding who's fault it was won't start it going again. Its over, you deserve better.Walk away.

[samak]

I see no need to start apportioning blame. From the few facts given it doesn't sound like it has ever been much fun. So why bother apportioning blame? The relationship is toxic. Leave it and move on.

[samak]

Good God ! Woofgang and I agree on something ! Must change my mind quickly; it might be infectious :-)

[woofgang]

that's two votes...

[ojread2]

Read your post through as if it was written by someone you didn't know - what would you advise them?

" I walked to a shopping centre 5 miles from my house in the snow cos he failed "
"Oh and he keeps 'borrowing' the 'exes' car even though he knows I HATE IT and refuse to get in it."
"He can not talk to me on the phone if someone is around him"
"My ex lives with various 'mates' but I'm not allowed to know where,"

Please explain how any of this is down to you? Are you sure his ex is really his ex?
None of this is your fault Cosmic, none of it and whilst there is his side of the story to consider as well, just those 3 sentences would have me running a mile, or 5, in the opposite direction very glad I'm out of it
You may never get closure on this relationship but for me, I'd say you already have the place to very much lay the blame - HIS lap

[cosmicangel]

Thanks Oj. It's just really upsetting as I done everything for him and fell head over heels in love and although I'm not an open person I told him things I've never told anyone not even my family

[boxtops]

cosmic, I agree with oj - move on. He sounds like the sort of guy who gets a kick out of letting you down, somehow proving to himself how much you depend on him. You don't - he's playing a stupid game and it sounds as if his ex is far from being his ex, there is much more going on on his side of the fence. Be strong, be resolute, cut the ties. Tell him you've had enough - be strong, be resolute, don't contact him after that and don't answer his calls. Some guys (sorry to the nice AB guys) get a kick out of making women feel small and as if it's all their fault (and I speak from experience) - this is rubbish, you can do much better than this.

Keep coming on here - we can be here for you if you need us.

[NoMercy]

The guy sounds like a prize t0ss3r. The best way to get your own back on him is to move on and show him you can thrive without him. Don't let yourself be a doormat anymore

[cosmicangel]

aaawwww thanks Boxtops. The only reason I keep texting is because I need the 100 quid he owes me

[cosmicangel]

I know he is playing games and I've asked him about it but apparently there are NO games

[boxtops]

Yeah right cosmic - you need to stop asking. I don't believe him. Write off the £100 - that's another hold he has over you at the moment. Move on.

[DTCwordfan]

sounds like a control freak and that can be very dangerous. Out of there soonest.....and even though £100 may be significant to you, its a low price to pay for your peace of mind, your safety and a better life than this

[cosmicangel]

I'd love to write it off but I REALLY do need it