would you get in touch

[4getmenot]

Have mentioned on here before that my blokes mum left him, his sis and bro when they were very little. Anyway he told me other day his dad had called him to say his mum is sick. They dont ever hear from her and her sister had rang his dad to tell him. Should he go and see her?

[4getmenot]

and if he asked my opinion I wouldnt tell him what I think, I would say it was entirely up to him.

[ummmm]

I wouldn't 4get....

She abandoned him as such....she didn't get in contact when he had cancer.

He has a mum....his 'proper' mum might not have gave birth to him, but she's his mum.

His mum walking out...fine, she might have had her reasons. Not staying in contact....unforgivable.

[Old_Geezer]

Would I get in touch were I in his shoes ? I think I would. But it is a very personal decision and would be based on the feelings felt at the time.

[4getmenot]

at 46 would be a waste of a life that she could turn around

[starone]

Don't know why I am getting involved in this as it is very personal but I would like to give an opinion anyway. It is this - I cannot forgive a woman who will leave her children for whatever reason. I would fight to the last for mine, even if they don't always come up to the standards I would like for them. I cannot understand anyone - man or woman - who would not want to see them again, frequently. I extend this also to my grandchildren. I would have to think about this and the decision could still be difficult. In humanist terms you would have to go and see her but in view of what she has done you might have to wash your hands of her. It really depends on the person who has to make the decision.

[ummmm]

Maybe....

I'm not that forgiving.

What's he saying?

[yogi-bear]

Hi 4get,

A very personal decision to be made here, but if it's playing on his mind that he feels he needs closure and wishes to see her, as not seeing her would possibly bring regret that he did'nt go for the rest of his life, then I would say for him to go.

If it were me....same position.......even though there is NO excuse for being abandoned at such a young age, i would think hard about going........as after all she is his biological mother.

Best of luck on what he decides to do, 4get and best wishes to you both, sweetheart. :0) x

[EvianBaby]

I wouldn't get in touch. I haven't seen my Mum for over ten years and when something happened with her and we all tried to see her it backfired and we were left of worse from it.

She left them and she hasn't tried to get in touch with them at all. That says to me she doesn't want them in her life and they shouldn't waste their time trying to be in it - ill or not.

[EvianBaby]

I just want to add, I've always felt being a bilogical parent to someone means diddly squat. It's what happens in life that counts. Just because you are related to someone it doesn't mean you have to feel anything for them.

[yogi-bear]

Evianbaby has a very good point.......you see......it's not an easy decision is it?

[ummmm]

Evian....I think you're suppose to feel something for them....and that's what makes it wrong.

[EvianBaby]

In an ideal world you would feel something for your Mother but in an ideal world a mother would not abandon her children.

[NOX]

I think Chris' initial post sums evrything up perfectly, your fella has nothing to lose in going to see her, if it doesn't work out or even if it upsets him it will be a fleeting and transient thing, if he doesn't go it's something that in later years he'll hold against himself and that could potentially wrack him with guilt.
My own father was a horrible man who was very abusive towards me and he got killed very suddenly when I was 12, which for me was the best thing that could have happened- but even him I would like the chance to see again to try to understand and to try to make things as right as they could be made. He'll likely never have this chance again and if he does the right thing and shows kindness and compassion towards someone who has let him down then he will never have anything to reproach himself for.

[joannie10]

I would agree with what Buenchico says - to add to that though if your bloke is any doubts then should certainly go but if he feels absolutely not bothered about seeing her then he should not. Maybe he could send a card?

[Sqad]

Read the answer by daffy654..........that is the bottom line.

[NoMercy]

At least he will have the opportunity to ask why she left.

I was reunited with 3 of my sibling a couple of weeks again, who I hadn't seen in 31 years. I have only just found out that my real father died in a gas explosion 21 years ago. Though I would not have wanted him in my life I feel somewhat cheated of all the things I wish I could have got off my chest.

Your partner will regret it if he does not make contact.

[4getmenot]

well just got back from his dads, and although my bloke said she was sick, his dad and sis have told him tonight they have been told by other brother she has at the most a month left to live. damage to kidneys and liver. Now their younger brother can over exaggerate so the sis is going to call hospital tomorrow to find ut for sure. But when my bloke heard the severity of it all he said he'll go. His sister wasnt going to when it was just the younger brother going but I think she may now. Its quite good he's going, but I can see why there are hesitant, because maybe they feel like it looks odd that just because she is dying they want to speak to her now. God knows why when she didnt even bother when she found out my bloke had cancer. starbuck I also cant see how any mother would leave her children, yes no-one knows until in their shoes but she was just more interested in her new boyfriends and when they last went to court she left them in the courtroom and walked ut saying 'have them'

[4getmenot]

well him, his sis and bro are going this weekend