Dog and cat diary....day 983

[B00]

From a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

From a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now... Will keep you posted

[AB Editor]

You may enjoy this: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b016wzyt

[Frank97]

Lol.

[rsvp]

funny and very true - thanks

[mccfluff]

lol

[RATTER15]

Very good!!

I would never have a cat!

[wolf63]

I know my place in this household -

Frankie de Tom Cat
Princess Merlin the stupid

wolf - servant and provider

[B00]

I'm getting one in a few weeks Ratter, im soooooo excited!

[lankeela]

Excellent, I have pinched this to share!

[vulcan]

I don't think we have too much to fear.

[wolf63]

vulcan - I didn't think that you could get a stupid cat. Then my two adopted me. Frankie isn't too brave but he is clever - but I am ashamed to say that his sister is 'vacant' and really stupid. Thankfully she is pretty so she has some attributes.

;-)

[lcg]

funny as fcuk...i have the cat thing in triplicate. woke up this morning and trod in hairball goo - not the greatest of starts, but i feel it was tactically placed! x

[albaqwerty]

That is brilliant B00,

Read this to younger son, got to the bit about the dog beinig retarded and son collapsed in fits of giggles. (He'd just rescued the dog's toy from where she had thrown it.)