To text or not to text...?

[Bambiagain]

My relationship has been rocky for some time and on Friday morning, at breakfast, one of those silly little things occurred that was my straw breaking the camel's back moment and I just burst into floods of tears. I think he said something to me briefly, but I didn't hear what it was (as you don't in the circumstances) and thereafter he ignored me, walked past me as I was howling and went outside to do some work. Later I had to go out and I needed his help with something before I did - he very huffily came and helped me before going outside again and wouldn't have spoken to me when I left had I not spoken to him. I knew I wouldn't be seeing him again over the weekend, probably not until tomorrow (we don't live together - one of the issues as he's been messing me around for a long time), and I asked whether I would see him on Tuesday (tomorrow). His answer was "I don't know". This despite the fact that we were planning to go and see a singer we both want to see tomorrow evening (ironically enough as a sort of semi anniversary celebration). We have the tickets booked to collect on the door and it is a sell-out.

Normally when he's not here he does at least call mornings and evenings and we often speak more than that during the day. Since I last saw him I haven't heard a dicky bird. And I have reached the state that I'm not going to call him. Which leaves the issue of tomorrow evening. I spoke to a friend at the weekend and asked her whether, if he doesn't get in touch, she would come with me. He and I have both seen this singer before, but my friend hasn't and would love to.

So, my dilemma is this: I have told my friend I shall let her know this evening one way or the other. She has to make plans if she's coming and it's not fair to keep her hanging on. However, knowing my OH (if he still considers himself to be that) he is quite likely to turn up late tomorrow expecting to come along and be highly miffed if he finds out at that point what I have done. So do I text him now, tell him he has to let me know asap one way or the other, text him and tell him I've given away his ticket, or do I simply tell my friend I'll pick her up tomorrow evening and let him turn up and find out then? The second and third options are, I think, definitely potential relationship breakers, however I would feel extremely mean to have dangled this carrot in front of my friend's face and then to let her down. She would be understanding (although my friends are of the opinion that I should get rid of him!) but of course disappointed, and I don't want to upset her.

Your opinions would be welcomed.

[China Doll]

What's with all the texting nonsense? Phone him and have a bloody conversation about the row and what's happening tomorrow. Texting is not for serious stuff.

[Bambiagain]

China Doll - if that were an option, I would do it. But I know him too well - he wouldn't answer! The last time he walked out like this he went to his mother's for a week, but he did at least get in touch. This has gone a step further. After seven years, I know how he reacts!

[ummmm]

Ring him like China says. If you can't talk to him yet send him a text saying something like 'I'll ring you later about tomorrows plans'

[andy-hughes]

I agree - but the China and I have grown up in a time when people talked to each other all the time. Instant communication was undreamed of, so you spoke to peole face to face, or you made a concious decision to ring them and have a conversation that way.

In these instances, texting is far too impersonal, and open to misunderstanding - so treat it for what it is, an issue that needs sorting with personal communication - go and see him, or ring, and leave the 'text-speak' for more light-hearted exchanges.

[Bambiagain]

You're both right - if he were capable of behaving like a rational human being. But on these occasions if I do try to ring he will just switch off his phone and never mind anyone else who wants to talk to hime, either.

[ummmm]

Ring him and if he switches the phone off then take your friend. I wouldn't pamper to that nonsense.

[albaqwerty]

You've put with this behaviour for 7 years!!
Text him that you have made other arrangements concerning tomorrow night and try not to let this from spoiling your pal's company and the concert.

[China Doll]

Then leave a message saying that if he doesn't answer his phone at such and such a time when you call you will assume that he doesn't want to go to concert tomorrow and will make alternative arrangements with your friend. If he does not have voicemail facility then text him that instead. I wouldn't attempt to settle a row over text message, not above the age of 15 at any rate

[ladybirder]

You can't leave it up in the air any longer as it's not fair to your friend. Text him now and say you need to hear from him by ?pm or you will assume he's not coming and make your on arrangements. Balls in his court then.

[redcrx]

why offer the ticket to your friend when you havnt even spoken to your other half? make contact somehow with him and get it sorted!
you have already put your friend in the position of being disappointed.

[Sqad]

ladybirder is spot on.

[rowanwitch]

If you've had seven years with him and you can't communicate....

If he still behaves like a child.... think about where this relationship is heading...I think this might be more than 'are we going out or not?'

You really need a long talk about how to handle differences in a more adult fashion.. what your expectations are etc

[Bambiagain]

Thank you all - Andy, I too grew up in those times. I've had to adapt to someone who sulks and won't answer when I call.

Albaqwerty - thanks, that'S what I'm seriously considring doing. No, I haven't put up with this behaviour for the whole seven years, or I wouldn't still be with him, but it has escalated for some time now.

[albaqwerty]

Sorry to hear it's been escalating.
Is he under stress from work perhaps, still no excuse to behave like a 2 year old.

[Bambiagain]

Redcrx -why? Because, as I said, it was the straw that broke the camel's back and I was in no state to be rational over the weekend.

Rowanwitch - you are right. My friends are right. And he moved me to his country to be with him and we're restoring a building together, and he helps me, the foreigner, with linguistics and officialdom. Without him I'm stuck. With him... well, no point in saying any more, but I'm not in a good place at the moment.

[Bambiagain]

Albaqwerty, he's being very manipulative and trying to lay the blame on me. His 'work' currently is our restoration and the stress is a joint thing.

[China Doll]

You don't sound like you have much of a problem with language.

[Bambiagain]

Not the English language, no. I live in Germany.

[albaqwerty]

Bambi, please tell me you are not completely isolated.

We are here. just a click away x

[Bambiagain]

Thank you. No, I do have friends, who are very supportive. But my German is limited in that sometimes I don't understand when it gets complicated. One of the reasons I keep plodding along with him, I suppose, as his English is fluent and I can at least have a full conversation with him. When he is talking to me, at least.