Relationship games..?

[Sade]

Have you ever fancied someone and not been able to look at them or speak to them?! I know I have. But there is a man I like- we have been emailing regularly, silly and funny stuff. But in real life, when I see him (which isn't often) and is usually at his work, he seems unable to make eye contact, and barely speaks to me, as if he is really nervous. We have had some really good chats in the past, which were basically tutorials, so were work- based and professional, but we got on incredibly well. So, why is he so friendly and fun in emails but can't seem to communicate at all in person? He can talk to other people in the same room, but it's like he is scared of being friendly/speaking to me! It makes no sense. Yet he will then go home and email me! Any thoughts?

[Count-A-Strong]

He fancies you like mad and is too scared to talk in real life unless it's about work which he feels safe about. Make the first move. Life's too short.

[ummmm]

Agree with CAS...

[Maydup]

Typical of a person who has problems communicating and more prevelant in the electronic age. Be aware that if the relationship does grow, he'll be the sort of person who doesn't always say what he thinks or feels, can only manage conversation on a non-emotional level.

Having said that I think he must really like you to be emailing out of work but is too shy now to take it any further. The ball's in your court if you want to ask him out I think he'll say yes.

[hammerman]

Faint heart never won fair maiden

[ummmm]

<he'll be the sort of person who doesn't always say what he thinks or feels, can only manage conversation on a non-emotional level. >

You can't really say that maidup. Many people are shy to start with....

[Maydup]

OK I agree ummmm - I should have said "might". Nothing wrong with being shy, but it is sometimes an indication that someone has trouble saying what they feel. Not unusual nor bad, just fact.

[happyone2]

I was just wondering if you knew what his situation is........ie is is single, divorced or married.......or possibly widowed. ??

[Sade]

Thanks all- well he is very similar to me, so I know how he feels. I am certain he is single, in that he shares a house with another two members of staff, but I am not sure whether he is seeing anyone or not. He sent me 5 emails on Friday and two on Sunday, could it be that he is just being friendly and appreciates a like-minded person? I have hinted at meeting outside of work but he has avoided that answer. He is ultimately very professional. He also doesn't write about personal things in his emails- prefering to stay funny and interesting- discussions of the intellectual type rather than reflections about hiimself,. I think he is a lot better at personal questions in person but how do I get him in person?!

[NOX]

Organise something over Christmas ( drinks- a meal, bowling- whatever doesn't matter) for a small group of people you like and invite him- then he won't feel as if he's being targeted if he is shy, and you can lure him out of his shell slowly.

[fliptheswitch]

Before you do anything, find out if he is 100% single and not "seeing anyone".
Something similar happened to me, many years ago, and it turned out it was because the guy in question had a long-term girlfriend, who some of my work colleagues knew.
He used to email me from his office (we worked at the same place) all day, and was overly friendly and flirty. He would text me after work, and often spoke about "going for a drink". It was only when I mentioned it to my boss, after one too many vinos, that she said he had a long-term partner... who she was friends with.
He sounds shady. Check him out before you try to take things further.

[Sade]

I will try fliptheswitch- but I don't think he is shady, in that he really isn't flirty! Our emailing is just clever and funny stuff, like friends would write. But that is very much him- he is quite "straight". He shares a house with his male friend and partner- a couple. But what he does in his free time I have no idea!