How much do you "put up with" for sake of kids?

[SolGrl]

Worst day ever yesterday,,,told kids daddy moving out and my 9 year old sobed and begged us No, my 5 year old said he was sad,,,I feel completly destroyed. Husband is in hotel.
As brief as poss background,, hub is not bad person at all and works hard to provide for family But has typical Peter Pan syndrome- drinks way too much (verging on alcoholic), always out with mates, hates doing stuff with me and kids, says things like he doesn't think christmas is about kids its about drinking with mates, have been a couple of things make me think he might not be faithful. Cos of particular drinking/ sick on floor/not that nice to me about 18 months ago I asked him for divorce,,,then he saw a text from a guy(actually innocent) on my phone which he now admitted the jealousy made him get back together with me as I was doing a u turn when I was thinking about our kids,,,we been married 7.5 years- together 11.....Things have come to a head again recently and now he says he not happy,,he was being grumpy and quiet for past few weeks so 5 days ago I confronted him and he said he not love me but wld try to see if he could,,,I had enough and told him to leave,,,he has and I am devastated thinking I want him back......But we aren't that happy,,,I'm always complaining he is not romantic or a family man,,,but seeing my kids so sad,,,How much should you put up with for the sake of your kids?

[ummmm]

You shouldn't put up with anything that makes you unhappy for the sake of the kids. Kids will be happier if they have happier parents.

[Ankou]

some good pointers here.

http://today.msnbc.ms...u-stay-together-kids/

[Sqad]

I agree with ummmm.

Your marriage is finished.............

The kids will be fine, so often kids are used as an emotive blackmail.

[ummmm]

My Mum & Dad split when I was 8. I was devastated. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. My Dad could no longer take his family for granted and had to make an effort. I spent much more time with him after the split.

[anneasquith]

if a relationship makes you feel bad, its not right.its maybe time you thought about yourself now.

[ojread2]

When someone says they dont love you but will try is time to go
You cannot try to love someone.
It will add to your lack of self esteem, self confidence and self worth because you will be constantly trying to do things that will make him love you, and failing
The children will be upset, but they will get over it as long as they have you as a consistent parent in their lives

[dotty.]

he'll be back when he realises the finances are in a mess and he'll have to pay for 2 homes.

[johnk]

If he's in a hotel and not with another woman there is still hope he will come to his senses once he realises his drinking buddies are no help except to drink.
If you do split the children may well see more of him as um says. The children will be upset but make sure they know it's not their fault.
Best of luck

[SolGrl]

Thanks for the answers...I think it is time I stopped settling for second best and just go through with the split,,,u r right it is not good for my self confidence, I have lost a bit of sparkle and I need to get it back and stop making do. Its really helped to hear that maybe he will actually be a better Dad now he has to concentrate some time on them,,,I think that is true.

[ummmm]

Good luck...

Being single can be fun.

[Ric.ror]

Best years of my life were 30 - 40
My husband left me when I was 24 and had two (well one and 7 months pregnant at the time)
Its not easy but on the plus side you make your own decisions and the piece of mind you get is priceless

[Ric.ror]

One more thing
Get everything in writing - the amount of times 'we can still be friends' goes out the window once the bills start popping through the letterbox. And from what you say I dont think he is going to want to give up the single life he still craves in a hurry

[Jenarry]

I agree.. i had this with my little boys dad. I put up with it for ages because that was how he was and he wasn't willing to compromise- still going out every weekend regardless of our feelings and our finances and thinking that bank holidays and christmas was just about having more time for partying. :O( He finally went off with someone he had known for ages from going to parties and i was devastated for me and our son but long term it was the best thing that could have happened to us. He was only putting himself 1st the whole time and we wasn't having a proper family life anyway. i couldn't see how bad it all was when it was going on. and from the word go after leaving he did start actually spending time with our son and still does.it was a complete change from before where he spent zero time with him.

[tastymorsel]

Ditto Jenarry. Being your own person is amazing ! It seems like the end of the world at first and can be quite confusing but believe me it will work out and as someone else remarked the peace of mind it brings is priceless.Good luck to you and your kids.