Anxiety....why....

[tinkerbell23]

Here goes........

I have posted many a time about anxiety/ panic attacks

Ive just had a lovely lovely weekend so im annoyed that im a bit "on edge" today.... Had a nap as im feeling really tired (that makes it worse i think) but so many times today, and anytime i have a panic attack.... Its because i think about death....

Im asleep and i jolt out of a sleep at times and into a fullblown panic about dying.

Im not ill, i know im not, and i dont panic about how ill die or when its about being dead.

Its hard to type this cos its making me feel panicy writing it as will the replies cos ill be thinking about it. !!!!!!!!!

Ive no propanolol left which i was given - need to see doc for more as they helped somewhat...i take kalms as night time is my worst time for my mind running riot on me.

Feel really daft! I deal with death as part of my job NO PROB but more and more this is coming into my mind.

Does anyonelse get this? Is it a phobia? I mentioned to doc when i told him about panic attacks but beginning to think speaking to someone is wht i need ie councelling or CBT?? ........ Can feel the heart racing just now and have had to shake the thoughts away a few times today.....

Sorry for the long post. Deep breaths!!! X

[tinkerbell23]

Well....im sure about 4yrs ago i was given citalopram and didnt really keep them up.... Silly i know but im a bit scared of the anti-deps...such a stigma! I feel bad enough and feel totally "mental" as it is which again silly of me being a nurse LOL..... Id prefer to try therapies as im scared of becoming dependant on anti-deps? I never thought about looking at the NICE or SIGN actually!!! Thanks so much for your answer- going to get up early tomorrow and get the ball
Rolling. Xxx

[marval]

Hi Tinks, I am not an expert but I have suffered and still do. Talking about it to someone who understands is a great help. You are not alone, there are people here willing to listen and offer advice. You take care of yourself.

Have a look at this site, it might give you some pointers.

http://www.nhs.uk/con...ges/Introduction.aspx

[andy-hughes]

Hi tinks, I have little to add to the excellent advice and support already given - apart from my support of course.

What you do need to do is stop beating yourself up over your anxiety. You say that you feel 'stupid' and you know that you have a lot to be thankful for.

Then you must also know that these conditions are no respecters of circumstances - they affect everyone, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the fortunate, and the unfortunate, completely without discrimination.

So you should tell yourself that you don't need to feel guilt because you are somehow too 'fortunate' to feel this way - you do feel it, and that is it, and no amount of self-castigation is going to help or hinder how you feel.

You are obviously a good, kind sensitive person, and that is why you must not ponder too much about why you arere aflicted with these feelings - you are as entitled to this condition as anyone else!!!

Speak to your GP, see if medication and / or counselling will help, but as you know, we are all here for you, you are one of our own and we will always look after you.

[tinkerbell23]

Thank you marval!!

Andy you are so kind that has really made
Me feel lovely- i know you will look after me..and i do beat myself up about it!!! Ill try to stop....the support means everything xxxx

[Auracaria]

Hi Tinkerbell

I would like you to know that I have these feelings too myself. As I understand it, they are what you might call a defense mechanism. If you feel in a panic then its because there is something you need to do, but you haven't worked it out yet. If you knew what to do then you would not need to panic hon.

I would say, deep breaths and listen to your mind. Check in with yourself at lots of times during the day. Feel where you are tense, anxious or upset. Perhaps your shoulders are up around your ears, or your tummy is doing an impersonation of a washing machine or your brain is obsessing about things that are not so important.

Focus on something you love, for me its the sound of the wind in the trees or a Mozart piano concerto; but its what is important and heartening to you.

I can reccomend a CD I have that helps me to calm down, relax and sleep. You have to really get into it and do everything you are told to (only relax, think of a garden, nice stuff like that) I tried it first night and thought this is rubb......... next morning I felt great, best sleep since I was a child. Its by Glenn Harrold (I have no self interest in promoting this, it works for me. Amazon have it.)

I don't think you have a phobia. I would suggest perhaps you are on a less than conscious level trying to come to terms with your own mortality, or that of someone close to you. We are all gonna die, that's the easy part; living is the hard part and living WELL (best revenge!) is harder.

Relive your lovely weekend, and don't be hard on yourself for feeling on edge. Something is, I feel, trying to get through to your conscious mind and the more agitated you feel, and maybe even afraid, the harder it is.

Did you ever work on Maternity? Or do you have children? Sounds like you may be giving birth/life/presence to something important to you.

Best wishes, Auracaria

[tinkerbell23]

Thank u so much for your lovely reply! Never worked in maternity and no kids....i will certainly look into the cd! I do keep a calm room and have a nice routine at night, warm bath etc....

Couldnt get doc app. Going to try open surgery friday x

[Smowball]

hello Tinks. Just thought I would say that although I do not suffer from panic attacks, I do have a "thing" about dying. I only think about it sometimes, and always in the middle of night when I am in bed in the dark, but the thought of dying suddenly comes into my head and I can feel my heart racing. I have to come downstairs and put all the lights on, tv on etc. then after about half hour of watching tv I am fine. But it is NOT a nice feeling and you have all my sympathy, and a big hug!xx

[anneasquith]

tink, could you find some ways of utilizing your days until you get a job ? doing voluntary work would look good on any future cv^s

[tinkerbell23]

Thats exactly it smow- horrible isnt it!! Hug returned!!

Anne i have written to places re: volounteering...i do keep busy- i do have the odd lazy day, have a look for work, make calls and cook for family too etc i dont fare well doing nothing and i have a pushy mother who would just die if i was sittn around doing nothing - you are right about CV have emailed to local
Hospice etc- xx

[tinkerbell23]

Cant wait to see the doc.

Dozed off there and have woken up after 1/2 hr feeling on edge, heart racing and the sweats- totally on edge of panic attack.

Doh.

Talking myself round just now. Sipped water and had a squirt of my bachs remedy. Took kalms before bed too :0( god sake!!!!!! Have got up and left the room too :0(

[bunkmoreland]

you still up tinks? hopefully you're not. i know myself the brain is very powerful in making mental thoughts affect physical actions,just horrible:-( and really debillatating at many times.

[tinkerbell23]

I am! :0(

Sooo tired and dozed again only ti
Be waken with a jolt :0((((

[bunkmoreland]

its almost like you've got a mix of "death dread" with insomnia,you get to sleep and then you wake yourself in case you dont wake up?

[seekeerz]

tinks dear, I hope you're resting quietly now and the 'horrors' have gone away.

No I don't think it's a 'phobia' - I think maybe you have a seretonin deficiency - this becomes worse over time and the panic attacks go the same way so perhaps this should be looked at

It's hard when people who don't suffer this problem tell you to 'stiff upper lip it' they have no idea of the tricks your mind can play and nights are always worse - you can't believe you feel this awful and not be dying - does that sum it up ? hugs and stay strong if you can xxx

[tamborine]

Coughing in my coffin got me up at stupid time. My sleep pattern has gone down under. Or, was it vibrations of your snoring that rattled my grave ?

Will set my alarm to Euro time and hopefully resurrect at dawn. Sleep well tinx, x

[tinkerbell23]

I think its nocturnal panic attacks to be honest. Im asleep an jolt up! Twice last night :0/

Feel fine now. Be better when its all sorted xx

[Slapshot]

Life of Tinks....we could all write a book on you flower..;0)

I suspect your problem could simply be the fact that you're feeling a bit bored and unfulfilled, you haven't got a job yet, too much time on your hands to let too much get into your head, no steady bloke (unless thats changed) to bash heads with regularly and just being completely unsettled.

There's no single cure and the last thing you want to do is take a chemical fix to the problem as it will only exacerbate it whether that be food or medicines of some sort, we've gone through similar with the idiot boy recently but he's kind of pulling things together a wee bit.

I'm no expert but it might be useful to try and build yourself a routine to stick to, get more sleep at the right times, eat more of the right food rather than chocolate, get your body clock into synch with the rest of the world that sort of thing. Either way keep smiling and talking to us rabble if it helps..

[tinkerbell23]

Doctors tomorrow- not a minute too soon.....

Hope they can help... Feeling edgey every night past few nights xx

[DTCwordfan]

slapshot offers you a lot of sense in what is written ^^

[tinkerbell23]

He does.....

I do have a regular sleep pattern- espesh with tablets i take at night they konk me out and i take at similar time each night and am awake at same
Time every morning as a result .....but nothing much helps
The edgey feeling around this time of night x