Nothing Is Unbelievable Anymore.
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I will try and make this as brief as possible.
I have been friends with another woman (she is 41,I am 32) for about two years or so. I have always "been there" for her, even if she has not for me;to the extent of driving 50 miles to pick her up,when she got the wrong coach back from London.
Just before Christmas she found herself a new b/f,and I was delighted for her.Not for long though, she just dropped me, no phone calls, and no emails (her home is about 10 miles from me). Sadly the relationship has fallen apart, and now she is trying to ring me,and email me,and take up where she left off,and I cannot renew this friendship.I feel hurt,and that I was "taken for a ride" and do not want to do it again.
Yes,I know I am a mug,but it's just my nature.
What do you guys think?
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For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.I had a similar experience about 10 years ago and can remember how much it hurt. A friend I'd known since school started treating me the way your friend has been treating you. Other friends and my family pointed out on many occasions that she was using me but I was too soft to take any action. The final straw came when we'd arranged to meet for lunch and she didn't show up. I stood outside the place we were supposed to be meeting for an hour thinking "she wouldn't just leave me standing here, she'll be here any second". i finally went back to work expecting to get a message saying sonething had come up but there was nothing, not a word. I decided I'd had enough and didn't make contact with her. I got a Christmas card from her a few weeks later telling me she'd moved house, giving me her new address and phone number, and asking me to get in touch. the card went in the bin and I haven't heard from her since. I finally realised that I had good friends who give as well as take so I really didn't need to be treated like a doormat. When you've been friendly with someone for so long, been there for them through all their hassles, and always supported them it's hard to accept that they expect that kind of treatment from you but will never reciprocate. You have to decide whether it's worth continuing with this friendship or if it would be better to cut your losses. I'm still a softy that people know they can take advantage of now and again but I know that I will never let anyone treat me the way she did. It's a painful lesson but it does teach you to consider what you want from a friendship as well as what you bring to it.
Good luck
You need to talk to her about this, it's possible that she got caught up in the relationship and just didn't realise that she was neglecting her friends. Talking about it might be awkward and messy but she needs to know how you feel, if you don't mention it she won't know she's annoyed you.
I'm in a similar situation myself (my best friend for 8 years met a guy a year ago and she's now living with him, we went through a phase of not talking for about 6 months but it's slowly getting better) and although we've always been there for each other in that past, we've had to start over again, like we'd just met.
If your freind doesn't think she's done anything wrong (it's possible!) you need to kick her in to touch, and remind her good you've been to her. If she still doens't get it, move on. That's what I'd do, but you should follow your gut.
mystress, this type of situation is one that has been confronted in time memoriam: maxd has been there, I've been there and I know so many others who can tell their story. It's hard, it hurts, it makes one angry, it makes one sad and in the end, mystress, it all boils down to...
...you. Do you want the relationship to pick up again? Will it be as it was B4 where you didn't know you were a 'mug' (your word, not mine...), will she just dump you again when the next b/f comes along (oh - just thought about those 2 letters, it didn't click when I first read bf!! sorry!!!). As londondave says, 2 years isn't long but there again everything is relative. Why were you friends to start with - maybe that's why the relationship is worth recovering? All the laughs? The complicity? mystress, we can perhaps nudge you in a direction but as I say, in the end, there is only you who counts. Oh! and perhaps your (ex?) friend................
It never ceases to amaze me that there are the 'takerss' who get away with it for so long before we realise.... Women particularly are bad about keeping up with friends when they get a boyfriend, so it's good to keep that in mind, i.e. that one is always going to be second to a bloke who comes into a friend's life. That's just how life is. On top of that someone of 40-ish or older can have a madness come over them more so than a teenager when they fall for someone. and you and other friends would have been out of the picture whilst that infatuation lasted.
Whilst you weren't seeing her did you miss her? If not, just resist involvement again. If you did miss her and it's a question of hurt, don't 'cut off your nose to spite your face'. But londondave is right, you should say how you felt and make it clear that it mustn't happen again. Oh and don't keep doing the one-way bit! We all do it, but eventually we realise...
I might sound harsh with this answer but it is simply because I have been in the same position as you. For most of my life I believed that life was too short to bear grudges and I always acted as a peacemaker and forgave people for being unkind. Maybe it's because I am older (but perhaps not wiser) or turning into a grumpy old woman that nowadays I think life is too short to bother with dead wood. Real friends stick with each other through thick and thin and should give as well as take. I think your 'friend' sounds self centred and do you really need her in your life? I bet that if she has dropped you once for a man, she will do it again...and again...and again.
Hi Guys,
Thanks for your help and advice.
Perhaps I should add a little more information?This person has done this to me before (drop me for a b/f that is) also she is a "user" and has never been there for ME,even when I was going through bad depression.She borrowed �200.00 from me( boy was I stupid!) and took over a year to repay it,and then had to be "pushed" to.
She is a "me me me" person,she never talks about anyone else! So I suppose I was stupid to expect her to be more like me.
But thanks anyway,I have decided to "cut her off" in the same way she did me, and hope that it will make her learn a lesson, and not treat others the same.(Some hope).
As thikasabrik says (thanks) "life is to short to bother with dead wood".
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