And then the fight started (I feel a bit mean now)

[Barmaid]

We've got a slightly mad neighbour who complains about EVERYTHING. She's on her own bless so we do keep an eye out for her, but she can be bloody irritating. I've had a particularly bad day. I walked to the shop and she was out the front of her house trimming her bushes with her nail clippers (I kid you not).

On the way back, like an idiot, I walked down her road instead of the other road. She's obviously up for a fight. So first she had a go about the chickens cockadoodling at 4 am (they don't, we haven't got a cock bird and I was up at 3.30 this morning and they never made a sound - even when I let them out at 5, they just get up and get on with it.). Then she had a rant about my trees - she says they shade her garden too much. Well the trees were there first and they are kept properly trimmed and b) she has a north facing garden, the daft Lady.

However, what really kicked it off was she complained that MY cats had dug up her plants and ruined her borders. She admitted she had not seen the cat who dun it. I asked to see the damage expecting devastation and thinking "I've got a truck load of plants, I'll give her some nice replacements and half a dozen fresh eggs". Out the back, she has a neatly trimmed lawn and neat borders. What pushed me over the edge was the fact that one plant was disturbed. On closer inspection I realised that the damn thing (as are all her plants) WAS BLOODY PLASTIC! Unfortunately, that was the final straw.

You know how difficult it is not to laugh when you really shouldn't..........

Just wanted to share!

[mrs_overall]

You couldn't make that up!

[woofgang]

aaaw you are a lovely neighbour, I would have killed her and buried the body long ago.

[Psybbo]

Barmaid, I think you just met my mother lol

[Barmaid]

Trust me Woofgang, I have been tempted. The final straw was last year when she insisted (after we had had the tree surgeon out) that there was a branch over hanging her fence. Yes from one angle it did look like it was for about 6 inches. I remember footing the ladder as my OH precariously balanced with the loppers trying to take said offending branch off. 10 minutes after we cleared up she found another branch!

The other thing she does is tidy up her borders of "our leaves" and "her weeds" and just chucks them over the bloody fence! She's pelted me a couple of times as I sit in the seat at the end of the garden.

[mrs_overall]

When she does anything bad, just tell yourself

"she is old, it won't be long...."

I've been saying that about my MIL for 20 years :-(

[Barmaid]

lol Mrs O.

I am quite cruel. If I don't see any sign of life for a few days (normally she hangs out the top windows having a look to see what everyone is doing) I send my OH round to make sure she is OK. (I mean cruel to my OH, not to her).

Another neighbour has perched a gnome on his shed. Mooning at her.

[flump1]

Oh I bet it is the highlight of her day catching you barmaid, she is very lucky to have you as a neighbour.

[Ann]

Wow - mad as a hatter! LOL :) you ought to send this (anon of course!) to Richard Littlejohn in the Daily Mail, he LOVES stories like this! :)

[rockyracoon]

Lol, glad I don't have any neighbours like that.

[NOX]

That's why I always try now to live nowhere near anybody else:(

[Barmaid]

Nox, that is my dream. I just need a few quid and we are out of here. got my building plot lined up (no near neighbours, apart from my parents - eeeek) and a decent sized garden.

I'll go and see her in a day or two and see if I can't smooth things over. She wasn't happy at my attitude, but she was being sodding unreasonable. The geese on the lake were making a bit of a racket at the time and she said it was my girls, I had to explain that it wasn't, it was the waterfowl which she wouldn't accept.

Other than that, I suppose I can send the cats to crap in her garden and chuck eggs at her windows ;)

[EDDIE51]

I hope it was a garden bush she was trimming with nail clippers :-)

[Barmaid]

lol it was Eddie. She either uses nail clippers or tiny scissors. And whilst doing so wears a tea cosy on her head.

I guessed the "trimming her bush" wouldn't be lost on some people!!! ;)

[Ann]

Poor lady - as funny as this is, is she safe to be there on her own if she is as crazy as that? Does she live on her own?

[Smowball]

Good god, she sounds as mad as a box of frogs!!

[Barmaid]

Yeah she is on her own Ann. Irritating as she is, we do try and make sure she is OK. Since her hubby died a few years ago she has got more and more eccentric. I don't think she has any family (I've certainly never seen ANYONE there). I think she falls in that lacuna between completely bonkers and perfectly sane. She's mobile, she can shop for herself (apart from when its snowy or icy when my OH makes sure she has stuff), her house is immaculate, her garden (well, less said the better), she's just, well, eccentric.

This is why I can't get too mad with her (or if I do get mad, I don't stay mad for very long) because I do actually feel quite sorry for her. Trouble is, she has alienated everyone around her when actually the people round here are very nice.

[Ann]

You sound a very caring neighbour BM, but I would worry a bit that she would do something silly in the house which could be dangerous........ does anyone from the authorities check on her? If not, that worries me too ....... she maybe has dementia??

[wolf63]

She has plastic flowers in her garden???

She sounds lonely, she needs a toy boy :-)

I live in a four flat block in the city centre and I have no idea if (1) I have neighbours currently or (2) who they are if they are there. It is usually quite pleasant here.

[RATTER15]

Only the good die young "apparently" :))

[anneasquith]

i really like this " neighbour " wee soul :)