dumped because of stress or me?

[peason77]

hi, my partner dumped me on saturday blaming it on a 'loss of connection' with me. He has his own business and 2 naughty kids and i was aware he was stressing a bit, but kept waiting for him to talk to me. In Feb he dumped me very unexpectedly but then called the next day saying sorry he won't do it again, he was stressed bla bla, i said one more chance. Well its happened again. Truth is i would give him another chance (fool perhaps?) but i think i should give him space. We were supposed to be going on holiday in July and he asked me to go and have a look at a tent with him last thurs night, so i figured if he was thinking of dumping me would he include me in his future plans? He asked me to marry him 2 months ago aswell! My little girl had grown very fond of him and that hurts. What do i do? just leave him be? does stress make you dump your partner? i cant help feel its all my fault. Thanks

[tenrec]

Why would you think it is your fault?

[tinkerbell23]

:0( its not all your fault......please dont think that.....

And your feelings cant just change overnight for you to stop loving him....

I think he needs the space, and if he comes back and you accept him it will all work out.....sometimes i think stress can make you do things like this. Also the feeling that he might be doing you a favour.

Sorry you are going through the mill.....big hug from me xxxx

[pastafreak]

He's done this before,plus your previous relationship also ended somewhat traumatically.
I think it's time to say goodbye to him...and have some time off from any kind of relationship full stop. I think-for whatever reason-you have chosen men who play games,and do not seem ready to commit. Maybe you are not ready either. Learn to enjoy your own company,and to not need a man...and to stop blaming yourself!

[peason77]

thankyou, i feel rotten at the mo and the feeling 'its all my fault' is only enhanced by the fact my previous relationship ended badly. Yes i do need some me time but that doesn't stop my heart hurting now :( x

[tinkerbell23]

Nothing except time will help that :0(

Its the worst feeling ever i know. Especially when its out of your hands xxxx

[johnk]

Peason, what is the attitude of his kids towards you? Would you be able to see him as a friend and not a partner? I assume you are not living together?

[woofgang]

what pastafreak said. Get yourself sorted and happy in yourself first and with a solid and stable relationship with your daughter. For the time being, she should be your first concern.

[Sqad]

Maybe the symptoms of stress, but more like the symptoms of boredom with you. It happens all over the world, everyday of the week, every minute of the day...men get bored with their OH/wives. I suppose it is all to do with the biological function of the sexes,females to bear and look after the offspring and males to propagate and maintain the species.

What should you do?

AB females have got a poor track record for advice...Rooney, Giggs,Crouch to name but a few, when advising to get rid of the "offending partner."

In practical terms there are only two choices that you have, tell him to go and leave you OR accept the status quo.

The decision is yours and yours alone.

[woofgang]

ooo sqad, have you got your tin hat on?

[Sqad]

woofy......;-)

[peason77]

thanks people for your advice.

I had a good relationship with his kids. I gave them both a massive hug before i left. I even gave my partner a hug and said thank you. I knew, despite my hurting i had to walk with my head held high. I've just spoken to my friend who knows a friend of a friend etc and apparently it's got nothing to do with me, only that he doesn't have time for a relationship. He does run his own business,and is into refurbing cars and he has his kids every other weekend. But doesn't every man need some form of intimacy eventually? Everything seemed so perfect 2 weeks ago, engaged, shopping for tents for our holiday then BAM! here i am alone with my girl and sooo many shattered promises. Of course my girl remains my number one priority. Im going no contact with him. Atleast i can salvage some self respect that way and give him the time he needs to decide if he truely never wants a relationship with me again. I'm so F*****g angry because my girl was expecting a holiday camping and now i've got to try and explain we're not going and why i can't afford to take her away( im a skint nursing student :(. I'm a mixed bag of anger and sorrow,is that normal? and is no contact best? thanks in advance

[tinkerbell23]

No contact for me was a total blessing..... Honestly was the best thing..... And if he comes back, you can decide where to go from there and if not then you have your answer..... Another big hug. Just qualified, i feel ur pain re:skintness xxxx

[Smowball]

I dont really think that you need the stress of this. Whatever his reasons, he cant just dump you, ask you back, dump you etc. You will never know where you stand and your daughter will end up soooo confused. Its gona be hard but leave him be for the moment.

[peason77]

thanks Tinkerbell23 :) it's comforting to know that someone else has been through this. Its so hard to concentrate on my assignments. Ive also got a huge anatomy and physiology exam coming up, but my head is such a mess. I'm trying to focus, and i'm on placement full time at the mo so i'm pushing on through the pain. I do think no contact is best for my self esteem, and it may make him realise?? Well done Tinkerbell23 on qualifying. I can't wait. Did your ex try and come back after no contact and if so did you have him back?? xx