First of all , as regards last night and the words spoken - I see you refer to them as a 'Blazing row' I certainly did not see it that way. I guess as the OP I see the thread as 'my baby' that is likely wrong of me, I should just post and leave all to it - so for that and to anyone else I have angered I am sorry. I would also like to state that I have NO favourites at all on here.
Next - having read all of your postings over the past day or so, I fervently beg that you seek all the help you can, practically, pastorally and physically. Believe me I have been in the dark dark place too and it is hateful - but when all is said and done, only you can reach out and get the help you need. I know when I finally accepted my clinical depression was a reality and something could be done, it was actually a relief.
AB has been a lifeline to me along the way- more than that in fact, I have a chance of a whole new chapter in my life., I have reached out many times and been helped, people do understand and try , but they need some cooperation from those asking or crying for help. I hate to think of anyone in that lonely place, so try to promise you will seek some help from outside the home - admit that coping is too much at the moment.there is no shame in saying 'Help me'. A brave face is well and good but not while you are suffering inside.
Some words here from a favourite group of yours
http://fc05.deviantar..._by_creativemikey.jpg
Mamya ♥