How can anybody cope with my father,

[Brimoan]

Hi

I visited my father in his nursing home today and he has dementia.
I found him in another residents room and he was eating his box of roses sweets. Half the box had gone and the daughter said herself and her father only had 4 between them.
Next I spotted he was wearing a woman's glasses and we found his glasses in the wrong room.
He had taken his belt off and it was in yet another room and he has 6 pairs of slippers and he only had 1.
I did however find 1 pair on another residents feet and another 1 in another
residents room.
In his room he had another man's shaver and a radio belonging to yet another resident.
I know people complain about care homes but I do wonder how they are supposed to cope as my father is just 1 resident.
At the time all the carers and the nurse were dealing with other residents.

[Mick-Talbot]

It's not something I could do.

I just hope I don't go down that road, selfish, that's me.

[DTCwordfan]

Not easy - my Alzheimers mother loses everything - default one - it's lost, default two, if jewellery, my sister or I have stolen it.

[Pooka1950]

I really don't know *how* they cope. When my mother had dementia and was in a nursing home her teeth, hearing aide and glasses went "walkabout" on a regular basis. The staff did their best but keeping track of things must be nigh on impossible.

[gness]

Truly? Just go with the flow or you`ll worry yourself grey. As for the carers and nurses...they are used to it. Wrong glasses,clothes, teeth..it doesn`t matter as long as he is fed, clean, safe and cared for.

[Pooka1950]

DT we had that too except that in my Mum's case it was a woman who kept coming in and stealing her knickers!

[B00]

I think there's something quite endearingly sweet about finding him in another room snaffling chocolates.

[woolleysheep]

does not bother them , it's relations and friends that suffer

[Brimoan]

O'h. I forgot to mention he wants me to bring his money into the home and he wants a car. I have a LPA and have it invested in various accounts and I have sold his car.

[B00]

You've sold his car?? On his behalf?

[DTCwordfan]

Pooka, my mother is still in her own house....we are trying to keep her here as long as poss.

[Brimoan]

Hi Boo

Yes I did. I had to return his licence to the DVLA.

[Traci66]

My mil had dementia and we tried to keep her as independent as possible, she used to do her own shopping and when I went in one day there was boxes and boxes of tampax, when I asked her why she had got them she told me the bogof offer was too good to miss, bless.

[Pooka1950]

DT I can understand that, my Mum went downhill rapidly once she went into the home but her physical and mental problems meant my Dad couldn't cope any more.

Brimoan my Mum used to go on about wanting money but was content once we took her a purse with a few odd coins in. I suppose it all depends on how far advanced the illness is ...

[gness]

With my mum it was the other way. She is so much better and happier in the home. I wish I had tried to do it earlier instead of trying to cope with the mess and arguments.

[TWR]

That's the side the people from the outside do not see Brimoan, we were trained up to a point to deal with these situations & just laugh it off with the utmost respect to the service user / resident, I had one person that kept talking to the window in the kitchen, it may be hard for the service user / resident's relations to coupe with this but I can assure you, the people that have been trained pass it on as a part of their job, don't worry Brimoan, your Father is in good hands.

[quinie]

I admire tremendously the nurses and carers who look after people with dementia.They must have the patience of a saint.At least they can go home after their shift but it's really heart-breaking for those who look after loved-ones at home.They deserve all the help and support they can get.

[Brimoan]

Hi quinie

I found Social Services totally useless.
I inherited my mother's half of the house and joined my father in 2005 and sold my own house as I had early retirement and was widowed.
I was asked to complete a form about Dad's finances and she noticed he only had about £30,000 so he would not be self financing for long.
The house is jointly owned and worth about £500,000.
She then asked if I had inherited half of the house from my mother and I did say yes.
She then said that the house would have to be sold and if necessary all the funds used for Dad's care which did cause some worry as I have spent a lot of money on the house.
I did think this could not be right and phoned the Age Concern advice line and they advised me that the council could not force a sale of any of the house and they advised me about full NHS funding.
After an uphill battle it was decided Dad's primary care was health and not social so he does not pay any care home fees.

[TWR]

Good on you, I admire persons that fight their corner.x