leg ulcer

[chas2008]

Mother in law whose 78 has had a leg ulcer for over 15+ years, despite various treatments it still refuses to heal totally, she has been in tears saying she cant go on why wont it heal etc,etc. She recently moved to be nearer us which now allows my wife to take her to the health centre twice a week and sit in on the treatments or discussions with the doctors/nurses. After a few months my wife & the nurses have realised what’s been going on, as soon as its close to healing wonderful mother in law starts scratching it or does the complete opposite of what’s she’s been told so the ulcer flares up again !!! This must have been going on for years when she’s confronted about it she just lies and denies it. Obviously the nurses and my wife are getting really annoyed to the point my wife had a mega argument yesterday as she’s done it yet again, mother in law has gone off in a sulk and wont talk to my wife now.
Any suggestions? Counselling has been mentioned but how would you get her to go? (Even the threat of losing her leg makes no difference)

[friedgreentomato]

Chas, my MIL is the same - confront over something in her case it was her diabetes (sp?) diet - she lied over it and then blamed everyone else for making her life a misery.

TBH after we gave the cold hard facts we stepped away and left her to it - we talk every week and still see her but let her get on with it - whilst she is being humoured she is happy!!

[chas2008]

sounds familiar, she also smokes 100 a week, drinks and eats like a horse but tells everyone she doesnt !!lies through her teeth...even tells people no one visits her, even though we or our grandsons & daughters see her nearly every day... like dealing with a 5 year old..

[Sqad]

friedgreen has summed it up very well.

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."

What have we here?......

A 78 year old woman with a leg ulcer of 15+ years duration who allegedly will not allow it to heal.

She will take her ulcerated leg to her deathbed I.m afraid.

[friedgreentomato]

Chas my MIL ended up in hospital because she did not manage her diet - she had other health issues as well - when we went through her cupboards - they were a walking time bomb - to help her we took her shopping to give her an idea of what she can and can't buy - she picked up a packet of high suger high fat biscuits when i said no these would be better - she through them down in a temper tantrum and scream ' well why don't you just carry on feeding me bread and water'!!!

needless to say I have never taken her shopping again and do not visit her when she ends up in hospital.

But I also blame her doctor - she gets a cold and she gets antibotics without seeing a doc - they give her tablets to get rid of her - she was still on HRT medication and she is 78!!!

But she is a typical old person - she heard that asprin helped thin blood so took 5 a day!! Of course she ended up in hospital and then lied about the asprin!

[woofgang]

She's an adult person and can make her own choices, even stupid ones. Even if you were to go the court of protection route and get her adjudged as lacking in capacity (sorry can't think of the right terms) it would be nigh on impossible to stop the behaviour IMO. I do wonder though if she has some form of dementia, has this been considered?

[chas2008]

sure we are not related,sounds so similiar...my MIL goes through a box of Mr Kipling cakes a day + whats on special offer & still says she doesnt eat.When we cleared her house out before she moved we filled 3 carrier bags fulls of various medicines going back 10 years.!she also had all the old bandages from when her leg was dressed, she washed them and kept them.My wife actually caught her trying to tuck one of these bandages in her shoe after the nurse had thrown it away she didnt think anyone saw her...

[Canary42]

I don't believe the behaviour is necessarily deliberate - many old folk genuinely believe they are stating the truth on these occasions (I have experienced same with my 97 year old mother, bless her).

[chas2008]

woofgang, as far as we are concerned she can do as she likes she is over 21! its just we have to pick up the pieces if and when she puts herself in hospital (which she already has a couple of times)..She probably has slight dementia but shes also very sly,clever & calculating. she knows exactly what shes doing and what to tell you when it matters and knows exactly to the penny how much money she has so shes not that confused.

[bednobs]

i agree with all the above, but would also add, why need to do anything? Why even confront her anymore - just let her get on with it

[Le Chat]

People only do what works...so there must be some payoff for her keeping her leg ulcerated and that would be attention.

[Bravehearted]

My father in law had legs ulcers about 20 years ago. He made a Perspex cover curved to surround his leg with an air space between the leg and cover. No need for bandages and the ulcers cured themselves within a few days, he reckoned the fresh air and static generated around the Perspex did the trick.