Would you prefer being single parent and happy

[phleb]

or having a partner, who tells you he/she does not love you and is only keeping the marriage going for the kids sake.....

[NOX]

Being single every time- life isn't a rehersal, you get one go at it, so make yourself happy.

[tonyav]

Single parent, if it's the choice of those two options.

[flump1]

Single, much more difficult, but then the rewards are two fold .

[chelle7272]

Being single. Much fairer on the children too then an unhappy home.

[Prudie]

That's a no brainer if it's as you describe

[magsmay]

That old chestnut 'for the kids sake' - Staying in a toxic relationship, having kids seeing you treat each other with disrespect -no loving adult role models -no -staying together for that reason is counter productive and separating and having two happier parents-albeit apart- is much better for the children.

[Psybbo]

Single, every time

[bednobs]

i'm not sure anyone can really answer unless they've been in the position. There is something to be said for staying with the parent of your children

[Iluvspikey]

Single. Kids are very astute and can pick up on atmospheres - even if the adults are 'civil' to each other in front of the kids - I remember years ago, old neighbours of mine the little boy telling me 'mummy doesn't laugh anymore' which made him quite and withdrawn too.

[phleb]

'There is something to be said for staying with the parent of your children'

what do you mean bednobs. x

[phleb]

we don't shout and argue in front of the kids, we hardly speak to each other, we sit on the sofa, miles apart, cant remember the last time he kissed me.

[Prudie]

I could see a couple staying together for the sake of their children if they are adult in behaviour and at least considerate to one another. I'm sure it happens successfully all the time. Phleb's scenario with one actively telling the other they are not loved would make for an impossible existence in my opinion.

[bednobs]

i just think that it seems like the obvious answer to say "be happy" but the actual mechanics of being a single parent are enormous and hard (depending on the age of the children) the thought of having to have gone through the last 7 months of bringing a poorly, little, baby home and doing it all by myself is just too hard to contemplate. Even if mr bednobs didn't love me anymore, I think i'd still want him around till she's a bit older. i just don't think i'd be able to manage on my own - there are so many things he does that i am physically unable to do at the moment that i think she could be in danger if he wasn't here.

[phleb]

Bednobs, that is exactly how i feel....i don't think we would be happier apart, we are civil most of the time. Me trying to get pregnant for the last 3 years have been an enormous strain on our marriage, and thats my fault for the obsession i had. I have driven him away, but i do not know how i did it, we were so in love when we met 10 years ago. How can i make it right again, he wont go to counselling.

[bednobs]

you can only make it right again of both parties want to make it right again. It sounds like he doesn't at the moment. Have you talked about seperating for a while?

[bednobs]

and in fact, the choice you are offering might not even be the real choice - how do you know you'll be happy as a single parent? - you migth be single and just as miserable or even more so

[askyourgran]

Single. It must be heartbreaking for a child not to have an all round loving family life. Seeing the parents at loggerheads every day must be upsetting for them.

[bednobs]

but they are not!

[askyourgran]

Was that for me bednobs? I can see both sides of this problem. On the one hand if the parents are quarrelling all the time and one of them is ill with the situation, yes. On the other hand if both can agree to share the responsibility and carry on providing a reasonably happy family home life for a child or children until they are teenagers OK, It is hard to provide for children on your own. Your time is taken up with their activities, you are extra sensitive to the dangers they could meet. And in a lot of cases the parent has to work to provide with no personal life or chance of a new partnership until the children are older. It depends on the circumstances of the family.

[Booldawg]

what about if you are male, married - not that happy but not arguing? Would you be happier being single but not being around you kids full time?