Need some advice

[trolly61]

My best friend is in a terrible situation. She has been married for 15 years and has no children. The family home is in her name and in the last five years her husband has contributed nothing to the household; she has paid the mortgage and all bills relating to the home. In the last few years, he has starting using drugs and is now having an affair and flaunting it in front of my friend. He has been physically violent on one occasion but mostly its emotional. She wants the marriage to end and recently put the house on the market so it can be sold and they can divide the equity, get a divorce and move on. Unfortunately she was told to take the house off the market as there was no interest and its hard to sell before Christmas. She was advised to put it back on the market in February. In the last 2 weeks, things have got worse, he is being very abusive emotionally and last night, she rung me in a terrible state as the night before he came into her room and pinned her down and forced her to have sex with him, she said she knew it was going to happen so she just lay there and waited til it was over. I told her that this was rape; she said it wasnt as she didnt fight him. I assured her that as she didnt want to have sex with him, it is in fact rape. Her closest family are 500 miles away and I am the only person she has and I live an hour away. My immediate reaction last night was to get in the car and go there and confront him, but I know I will completely lose my temper and I could make things worse for her as he may become worse when I leave. She is a very placid, naive person and she doesnt know what to do. How can she get him to leave? I think she believes if she leaves the home, she will have no rights and he will move this other woman in. I really dont know what to do to help her. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

[Barmaid]

A terrible situation for your friend. She needs to get to a solicitor asap and seek a non-molestation order.

[jackthehat]

1. She has been raped; she needs to get the police involved.
There may be an opportunity to get an injunction to remove him from the family home.
2. Who *told* her to take the house off the market? Whilst there may be little interest, it will cost her nothing to keep it on the Estate Agent's books. I suggest she instructs them to put it back on, or takes her business elsewhere.

[DTCwordfan]

Agree totally with JTH (for once!) - go to the police, this was rape

While she is in with a solicitor getting the injunction orders to prevent this again/kick him out of the house, file for divorce as well. It is likely that the solicitor would look to minimising what the pay out from the house is, as there is also no kids involved. Tale advice, it's crucial and there's no need to give money away, particularly when he has been abusive/violent.

Agree with JTH on the property too

[boxtops]

She needs to go to the police, now. She doesn't have to fight for it to be rape, at the least it's domestic violence. Tell her to contact the police without delay.

[trolly61]

Re: the non molestation order, can this be put in place immediately or will she have to wait for it to go to court?

[Barmaid]

she can make an emergency application ex parte (ie without notice). She could have an interim order by close of play tomorrow if she pulls her finger out and a final order by the end of the week.

[trolly61]

Jackthehat, it was the estate agents who advised her to take it off the market and put it back on Feb. They said that if its been on too long then people will start to wonder why it hasnt sold, and there is probably no way it will sell til after Christmas.

[murraymints]

do what barmaid said ..TODAY !!!

[Maydup]

....and then change the locks.

[trolly61]

Does anyone know of a good solicitor in the North London area?

[Barmaid]

Go to this link:-

http://www.lawsociety.org.uk/find-a-solicitor/

Choose a solicitor who specialises in family law. I would suggest a large firm will have the resources to deal with it quickly, rather than one who has just one or two partners. A Lexcel accredited firm is preferable.

[divegirl]

I don't know if she can get to these solicitors but I used have used them before and they were excellent.
It breaks my heart to hear what he is doing to her and I hope she gets him out asap

http://www.whiskers.co.uk/

Lisa x

[divegirl]

Oppps should have added it was a family law case I used them for.

[trolly61]

Thanks for all your answers everyone. I have passed on the solicitor details to her so now its up to her.

[jelly baby]

Is there any further news on this matter?