Relationship advice- please

[mandydraper]

I have been in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend for almost six years, but every now and again I get really scarey ' what if' feelings. I have told him that I need a little bit of thinking time, which is driving me mad and really upsetting him because he doesn't understand whats going on and I cant explain my feelings to him, or to myself!

I know that I love my boyfriend very much and that I am happy and content with our relationship, but is this enough?

He has said to me before when I have had these feelings ' I wish you had been treated badly before me so you could realise how good our relationship is'. I think this is so true. This is my first and only serious relationship and I seem to be thinking is there any better?

I know I must sound like a crazy woman when I have a boyfriend that loves me very much, treats me like a princess, I love him etc etc. But, why am I having these feelings ?????????? If anyone can offer any advice I would really appreciate it.

[lizzierose]

maybe not any advice but sympathy. I've only been with my boyfriend for two years and he is so lovely to me and we're happy together but he is my first serious boyfriend. I've been treated badly in the past by men but this hasn't stopped me getting the jitters. just an urge to go out and explore a bit, see if there's anything more exciting. I almost did but felt terrible and it made me love him more. A friend of mine was going through a similar thing with her boyfriend of 3 years and they split up and now she wants him back and they kind of are together but its changed a lot. so all i'm saying is that you don't sound like a crazy woman, but it is very hard to go out and see what there is to see and return.

[miss_chase]

I felt like that with my previous partner and the simple truth was i didn't love him. I did love him in a caring, thoughtful kind of way and to be honest if we had ended up getting married it would have been fine (as in OK). But with my current partner I LOVE him - the passionate, adoring, wanting to tell him every minute, thinking he is the greatest and he is gorgeous to me too. My previous bloke will make someone very happy but it wasn't me.

Go with your gut instinct. I know its tough - took me over two years to finally call it a day and yes, i did think 'oh god, what have i done? he was sooo lovely etc etc'. But don't settle for second best for you - if you want to be on your own go for it.

[luamber]

I know exactly how you feel - I've been with my man for 6 years and we're marrying in just a few months time. After he proposed, I had a few months of 'what if'' (he's my first serious relationship) and had plently of single friends who made me have doubts, which I mistakenly shared with him and hurt him so much.

However, I've since realised that my man treats me like I'm the centre of his world and I probably couldn't find anyone to even come close.  I would be thoroughly miserable without him!

I think you know deep down where you really want to be and these feelings are just natural curiosity. 

Hope things work out

[kazzee69]

I am EXACTLY the same. I am in my first ever serious relationship and I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years. I get scared all the time that I'm missing out on something else or that there might be something better out there even though my boyfriend is the kindest, sweetest, most loving person in the whole world and I really do love him. All my friends think he is great and say how we are meant for each other but I cant help but sometimes think about the things I could be doing...! I really really love him and could never give him up though. We have discussed this too and I think its might have something to do with the fact that he had a 3 year relationship before I met him but the longest relationship I'd had was about a week. Do you think it could be so kind of 'inferiority' complex??

[mandydraper]

Thanks so much for everyones advice, I really appreciate hearing someone elses view of the situation.

I dont think its an inferiority problem at all. Looks wise, we are a both pretty good looking (sorry if that sounds a bit big headed)!  We are both very ambitious and doing pretty well for ourselves too.

I know he loves me so much and I doubt if anyone will ever love me as much. The scarey thing is, I don't think I mind finding out, which could mean me getting hurt in the process.

I only spoke to him properly and told him I need space yesterday and I miss him already! But, I know I need to do some more thinking!

[penona]

There is always the question on whether you are settling for "Mr Right-Now". Perhaps if you step out of the box for a bit, and look at your relationship as a journey, rather than a "this it is" thing. At the end of the day, no one knows what is around the corner. So many people spend their lives looking for the one person who will take their breath away. Learn to appreciate the little things in a relationship, and not put yourself through so much pressure and enjoy that you wake up everyday, knowing there is someone that adores you.

If it works, it works...If not, another journey will begin.