Struggling With An Emotional Attachment To My Minister

[gordie1]

Hi I am really struggling with an emotional attachment to my minister. It is a strong attachment and it is not physical. I keep on emailing him and I am jealous if he talks to anyone else. I have had issues with emotional dependency before and I am wondering if he may have noticed and he is withdrawing from me I have noticed the last week he is emotionally distant from me and I spoke to him yesterday and he was really rude to me I told him about a book I was reading and he said I dont want to discuss it now and I felt stomach pain after he said that to me, I spent the rest of the morning avoiding eye contact with him and spent the whole afternoon in tears when I got home. I refused to speak to him or make eye contact with him at all today and he spoke to me and suggested meeting for a coffee next week but then 2 people interrupted us and he did not tell them he was talking to me and when we made the time and place and date somebody else came up and he said to them its ok were finished now, I am wondering if he has spotted this attachment and is putting up boundaries. I was thinking about telling him next week when I meet him not for the purpose of anything to happen but just to bring it out in the open so we can both deal with it. What do people think?

[bednobs]

wouldn't it be better NOT to meet him next week?

[gordie1]

I have to meet him to discuss church business and work I am doing for the church

[sebhfhion]

hi gordie. You may find that your Minister has made this coffee date to have a quiet word with you. You sound like you have a crush on this man. Is he Gay? Are you Gay? Its very easy for anyone to say cool it down when you feel like you do but try and wait until you see this guy and see what he has to say. If he asks you directly if you have feelings for him then be truthful. He may want to let you down gently or he may want to take things further. He is in an awkward situation as he is your Minister.

[gordie1]

I am gay he is straight and married I cant help feeling he has guessed he is different with me. But I have never said anything to him how could he know?

[sebhfhion]

hi gordie. I think you have probably made it very obvious you have a crush on him and are probably acting towards him in an 'un-masculine' way. You are obviously on a road to nowhere if you are interested in him sexually. If its an Intellectual crush then you will have to get over it,stop pestering him with emails and admire him from afar.

[China Doll]

'...so we can both deal with it. What do people think?'

Why should he deal with it? It's your problem and not his. I think YOU need to back off completely and YOU need to deal with your own problem of getting too emotionally attached to people; perhaps go and see your GP and see if he can recommend you for some counselling. I certainly don't think this fella has to deal with anything.

[boxtops]

I agree with china, gordie. We know that you are an anxious sort of guy since you have been so worried about your health in the past. You think about yourself an awful lot, but that's a symptom of being anxious.

You need to let this guy be. Deal with him for the things you have to, for your church, but don't arrange to meet him, don't apologise for any past misunderstandings (tbh you may have noticed things that he doesn't even think are significant).

He's not free to have a relationship with, if that's where you you think it might be going. Don't even think about that any more - you need to realign your thoughts. You've found him a nice guy and easy to get on with, but that's how ministers ARE - it's the nature of the job.