To Help Excel Sleep

[marval]

What's the difference between a postman and a postwoman?
A few letters.



Famous Last Words
Anne Boleyn: "Henry! I am NOT giving you head!"


I once went on an 18-30 holiday, which was fun, but 12yrs is just too long.


A young guy turns up at a hotel reception:
"I'd like a single room, please."
"Certainly, sir," says the receptionist. "With bath or shower?"
The guy is a bit short of cash, so he asks, "What's the difference?"
"You have to stand in the shower," says the receptionist.


Went to the Canary Islands last year for a week, and I didn't see a single canary.
So, I'm off to the Virgin Islands this year. Can't wait!


The hotel I was staying at last night screwed up my booking so they had to put me in the honeymoon suite.
It was excellent. I was staying with a lovely young couple from Devon.


I hate all confectionery.
bar humbug.


I finally managed to catch the sun today after years of failing.
The paperboy was so impressed; he gave it to me, for free.


Summer vacations: where you drink triple, see double and act single.


I'm currently studying the 'Effects of Friction'...
It's gripping stuff.


I used to hate maths but then I realised decimals have a point.


My boss rang me this morning.
"You've got a meeting in five minutes," he said. "We need you to make this. Where are you?"
I said, "On the way to my car as we speak."
"Right," he said. "Do you think you'll make it?"
I said, "Probably, it's only a few feet away."

[excelsior-1]

thank you marval, they have made me smile

Jem is away on holiday friday....you and i are going to have to maintain the jokes section in her absence

[marval]

We are excel, but I am sure the jokes are in safe hands

[DTCwordfan]

Chap checked into the Tyacks Hotel in Camborne, down here.....(and, yes, it does exist).

He phones down to reception: "Help, I've gotta leak here in my bathroom!"

The receptionist: "That's alright, Sir, please go ahead."

[marval]

lol DT

[excelsior-1]

DTC, that's a very good one

[DTCwordfan]

Redruth and Camborne - useless information: more bakers than anywhere else in the UK - why?

'cos they are so in-bred.

[excelsior-1]

they do lots of overtime though, because they knead the dough

[Jemisa]

I have'nt gone yet guys....

I know I am leaving the section in good hands, and no larking about behind the bike sheds, y'hear!!?

jem

[excelsior-1]

ohhh! :-/