Dementia.........?

[jackthehat]

Scenario ;
Elderly couple, she 76, he 80, live far-removed from their children; 2 daughters.
He now seems to be exhibiting the signs of some sort of 'Dementia'.
She seems to be in denial about this.

When in the confines of his own home he seems happy enough, if quiet.
Away from his familiar surroundings he has no idea of where he is, or who people are. He cannot hold a conversation as he loses words and cannot hold onto the thread of what is being said.
He gets lost inside unfamiliar houses and follows his wife around from room to room, even the WC.
He is talking about his young adulthood, youth and childhood but seems to have no real grasp on 'now'.

Their younger daughter has suspected that he has been 'ailing' for a couple of years, but it wasn't until her parents went to her house, for an extended visit, that she realised just how bad the situation really is.

A similar visit has just been undertaken at the older daughter's; and now she too, is greatly concerned.

Despite the wise advice from both daughters, the Mum is failing to gain any medical diagnosis. She did make an appointment with the GP, but made the mistake of telling him what it was about. He stuck his heels in, refused to attend on the grounds that "there is nothing wrong with me"......and that appears to be that.

What can the daughters do? They are both in full-time employment and live too far away just to turn up and 'get something done'.

How can they get the ball rolling (from distance) so that their time and energies are best used?

[Baby_Sham]

We had this a few years ago with my OH's Dad. Same kind of situation really. I don't know if this is at all possible, but is there any way you could get the GP to make a home visit?

[ummmm]

Phone the GP and arrange a home visit. That would be my starting point.

[jno]

yes... presumably he will have forgotten his previous response by the time the GP arrives?

[VHG]

Often with dementia one of the signs is that people lose memory of recent things and start thinking more about "the past". This is because the part of the brain dealing with the recent things is dying off.

My wife works with people with dementia and she says it can start to get very nasty. For example the person with dementia can "forget" who their husband/wife is and think they are a burglar or they are going to attack them.

One man with dementia tried to strangle his wife with a seat belt when she tried to take him out for a car drive.

Your local area should have a "Carers Centre" a charity and they may be able to give help and advice.

Dont put off doing anything as it is going to get worse.

[jackthehat]

The Mum mentioned her worries to the GP who asked her, "Does he know who you are?.........well, don't worry, then."

No idea which GP it is.........or even which practice, at the minute. Mum is being quite obstructive....:o(

[Baby_Sham]

One another thing, which VHG's post just made me think of, they say it's far easier to 'treat' the sooner it's dealt with, so do try and get something sorted your end if that's at all possible. It must be very difficult being so far away, and feeling a bit helpless :-( A diagnoses from his GP and the correct medication would slow it down, at least.

[ummmm]

From my limited experience they have good and bad days.

[Baby_Sham]

What a terrible attitude from the GP!! :-/

[ummmm]

Do the daughters not know what surgery he's registered at?

Although it's nothing to do with memory but Nan was put on anti depressants. They have worked wonders regarding her aggressive moments. She was prescribed them to stimulate her appetite because she'd stopped eating.

[jno]

that sounds rather a dispiriting answer from the GP. I suppose he/she might argue that as the wife was consulting him, it was purely a response to her worries; a visit by, or to, the husband might produce a more helpful response. If not, then a second opinion is called for.

[sunny-dave]

Don't mention the "D" (or indeed "A") word.

Suggest getting him to the GP's for an "MoT" - they really should be doing this for people of his age anyway.

If his confusion is as evident as you say, then it should be obvious to the GP (or indeed practice nurse) that there is a problem which needs addressing, and you can go from there.

Early diagnosis is crucial - for two of the most common types of dementia (Alzheimer's and Lewy Body) there are drugs available on the NHS which can slow the progress of the illness - but they can't roll back the clock, so get a diagnosis as quickly as possible.

[sunny-dave]

You can contact me through FB if I can help, Jack

D xx

[jackthehat]

As I say, Mum will have to be in the driving seat as far as GP/Memory person visit goes........but Mum seems to be adopting the Ostrich-approach to dealing with the situation and getting passed her/impressing upon her the urgency with which this needs to be dealt, is difficult down a telephone-line. :o(

[murraymints]

A home assessment by mental health nurse/doc can be arranged through gp...I did this for FIL...once diagnosis is made treatment can begin....ask directly for this to be arranged

[bednobs]

in the nicest possible way, sometimes things have to break down, or reach a crisis before something can happen. If the (your?) mum is happy managing the situation as it is and will not tolerate interference/help. i honestly can't see a lot can be done really. They will rpbably bumble along until some crisis occurs (ie the dad wanders or the mum has to go out etc.)

[gness]

This is when the daughters need a good GP who will deal with the problem through them. It may be the only way forward.
My brother and I visited my mother's GP when we started to worry but she had refused to consult a doctor.
The GP made a *friendly* visit to mother saying he was visiting all his patients over the age of seventy for a chat and to see how they were doing.
That first hurdle is the most difficult but there are wonderful people who will help once you get into the system.

[Baby_Sham]

My OH had this with his step-Mum. Whenever he's bring the subject up, she'd just brush it off and start talking about something else. It was only when he went down to visit, and saw them both face-to-face that things got moving. It must be very difficult living so far away.
The only thing I could suggest, is maybe have a look at this website. There are some useful contact numbers on there and I'm sure you'd be able to find out how exactly you help to get the ball rolling - if at all.

http://www.alzheimersresearchuk.org/dementia-care/#acc0/

[jackthehat]

That's what is concerning the daughters, bednobs.

But whilst they are waiting for the Dad (not mine) to get to that point, they feel that he is missing out on any possible treatment that might slow down 'whatever-he-has'.....

[gness]

He is Jack....my mother was quickly diagnosed and given the drugs needed to slow it down...til she stopped taking them but there is always a bridge to cross with this horrible disease...
And then again...it might be something other than dementia and treatable...
how sad then if they refused investigation...x

[Khandro]

Have you tried contacting the charity; http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/ They might be able to give you some advice.