A Problem At Nursery, Advice Needed

[MissCommando]

My niece attends nursery 3 times per week, she is almost 3. She told my sister the other day that there was a man in the toilet with her and he was in the cubicle with her and asked her if she wanted to go out or not. My sister questioned her further and told her not to be silly etc but she said the same story 10 times. At first my sis thought it may have been another child but she said "No, he was tall like Daddy", and explained what he was wearing etc. She was quite upset as she said he wouldn't let her out of the toilet.

Obviously, my sister went to see the Nursery and they thought it was an odd thing for a 2 year old to say. There are no male staff working there.

The Nursery questioned her during a 1 to 1 play thing to see if she said anything but she told them "In my dream....". Everytime my sister questioned her, she didn't mention it being a dream but we think she may have overheard my mum and sister wondering whether it could have been a dream.

The Nursery have no CCTV at the door of the nursery and they expect 2 year olds to use the toilet unsupervised (I don't think you can see the cubicles from where they play). We are wondering whether the man could have been a delivery driver (my sis has sometimes seen delivery drivers or another parent). Or could it have been a dream? I mean it seems odd for a 2 year old to be dreaming this.

The nursery don't seem concerned at all but I still don't feel comfortable about it.

[woofgang]

It seems an odd dream to have with no trigger. Could she have accidentally seen something on TV that she shouldn't have seen? I'd be worried too.
As an aside (and I am not a parent) are two and three year olds capable of going to the loo, cleaning themselves and handwashing unassisted?

[B00]

I don't like the idea of 2 year old's going to the toilets unsupervised at all!

[MissCommando]

Well I know my sister has been annoyed before as sometimes my niece dribbles a tiny bit before she gets on the toilet so they have to change her. Surely it would make sense to go in with her, I don't understand why they won't stand by the door! The only time they supervised her in the toilet was the day my sister went in with her concerns but they didn't bother the next day.

Can't think of anything that would have triggered it off but I just can't see why she would make it up. My sister questioned her further and I don't think he did anything to her. She asked her if he helped her off the toilet etc.

[Zacs-Master]

The nursery regulations seem very strange, working in a nursery myself I would never let an unknown man enter the setting never mind anything else. HOW OLD IS YOUr daughter?? I would question it further IF I were you!

[MissCommando]

The nursery are saying there is no way a man could have got in there. She is almost 3.

[woofgang]

well if it was me, I'd be getting further advice, maybe the NSPCC advice line could help?
http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried-about-a-child/the-nspcc-helpline/how-to-contact-us/how-to-contact-us_wda89787.html

[B00]

I know this doesn't help with the situation your sister has, I really don't know how to answer that one (sorry!), but I would seriously be unhappy about a 2 year old going to the bathroom alone. To be blunt, that'd be a deal breaker over whether my child went to that particular nursery at all!

[Zacs-Master]

From Zacs masters daughter

[society]

I'd be a frantic, paranoid aunty if my niece or nephew told me this happened to them. And very, very uncomfortable too.

[sherrardk]

I would be very unhappy in this situation. She is too young to go to the toilet unsupervised plus the whole 'strange man' thing is too odd not to be investigated further.

[MissCommando]

She did go to another nursery for a few weeks and I know they had to go to the toilet on their own there actually (she took her out of that nursery as it was filthy and they let her play outside with no shoes on lol). I wonder if it's worth ringing Ofsted for advice.

[Canary42]

Find another nursery. Children that age should be supervised all the time and not allowed to wander/proceed into areas blind to the staff. Disgraceful.

[losgigs]

Most nurseries and primary schools are fastidious about keeping external doors locked - both for keeping children in and strangers out. I think it unlikely that delivery drivers would be allowed to wander around. Also agree about not letting little ones going to the loo unsupervised. This sounds as if more investigation is needed as it's quite worrying.

[MissCommando]

The nursery think it was a dream as apparently, she said to them "In my dream....". But even if they were worried or knew someone could have got in, they're not going to admit it are they? It is a hell of a worry.

[sherrardk]

At the local nursery someone didn't lock the external gate and ofsted just swanned in but it could have been anyone.

[MissCommando]

Gosh sherrard, not a great start then. I'm going to have a look at the Ofsted report now actually.

Thanks for advice all, I think it does need to be investigated further.

[Roo_power]

I feel very worried about this for several reasons. You said the door has no CCTV but does it have adequate locks, coded number pad etc. I've worked with children of various ages all my working life and know they can have vivid imaginations and invent all sorts of scenarios but two seems a bit young for this. I also think that two is too young to be going to the toilet on your own, there is hand-washing and drying to consider as well as the actual going to the toilet. I think staff at the nursery have a lot to answer for and would consider whether your niece is in the right preschool setting.

[pusskin]

i wouldnt be too happy with this situation either.

46 yrs ago, my son was at a small nursery in a large house.
Word got round that the owner or worker went into a bedroom with a man and locked themselves in. That was enough for me.
He never went there again and mum looked after him.

[joko]

well children do have vivid dreams and nightmares and myabe she didnt know the words to say it was not real

maybe she is nervous about going to the loo on her own and maybe struggles with the door and thought she couldn't get out once and it frightened her - maybe subconsciously that translated into a man stopping her
dreams are weird things.

[andy-hughes]

Regardless of this incident, i would not send a child of mine to a nursery where she was expected to go to the toilet without help when under three.

Children may have got the basics of toilet use sorted, but there can still be situations where they need some help - or just a asuitable adult there to make them feel secure.