Self-Harming -Again

[Baby_Sham]

I'm really sorry to post this again, but I have a specific question I need answering...

I have an appointment tomorrow with a psychiatrist, to asses my mental state. This is a good thing.... but... I'm really really worried about the state of my arm.
I've not 'let up' on attacking it, and it's in a bit of a mess. In fact, I'm pretty sure one of the cuts is infected, despite me using antiseptic wipes on all of them.

My main concern is my kids.
are they in a position to look at them and declare I'm an unfit mother?
I'm not, my kids don't even come into the whole 'self-harming' thing, and I'm far from suicidle, but I'm just worried.

I don't need any advice of the cutting (thankyou :) ) but just on the social services point of view.

Thanks.

[sherrardk]

I can't help but wish you the best. Please let the professionals help you, you're obviously fully aware of the consequences for children and yourself if this gets any more serious, x

[Baby_Sham]

Thanks :)
It's the kids I'm so so worried about.
I've got the stage now, where quite clearly I need 'help', but I don't want anyone coming in thinking I can't look after my children.
They'e the only thing that keeps me going. x

[flump1]

Sooner or later the children might witness your suffering Baby and in turn that will affect them. Good luck tomorrow xx

[Baby_Sham]

Thankyou for taking the time to respond :)
I do hide everything from them. I even couldn't go swimming last weekend because of my arm. Pathetic, I know.

i understand what you're saying though. x

[Baldric]

Can't help you, but I wish you all the Luck going!

[ummmm]

They will not declare you an unfit mother. You are harming yourself, not your children

[Baby_Sham]

Thanks Baldric :)

Ummm, I worry so much. I worry about being completely honest with them, for the sake of the kids.
I have no choice tomorrow, they're going to see what I've done, but I just think they'd conclude I' a terrible person.
Non of this makes any difference to me being a 'Mum', but I assume they'll think different. x

[scorpiojo]

Have you ever contacted the Samaritans or Mind? There may be support groups in your area. Please go to your GP if you think any of the cuts may be infected. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself when you feel you need to harm yourself? Good luck for tomorrow.

[starone]

Social services are there to help you Baby. Just listen to them and see what they have to offer you. The psychiatrist also will help you if you do what he or she suggests. You must listen and try to do your best to overcome your what I consider is a disability. You are obviously thinking of your children and in that context I think you can rest assured, I hope so anyway. I think you will find that the social services like to leave children in a family environment if at all possible and it seems to me that you love them and look after them so that I see no reason for them to be taken from you. Good luck with your appointment and remember he or she is there to help you in any way he/she can.

[Mamyalynne]

What you have to realise is that the person you are going to see will be well versed in the ways of self harming - they will not judge you at all. This step has to be taken, so you can get the help you desperately need.


Sending strength.

M ♥

[Baby_Sham]

I've spoke to both, thankyou :) Mind were great, as are the Samaritans. I have an appointment on the 30th of this month with the local'mind' group, so I'm hoping to meet like-minded people and start to socialise with other people a bit more.
I take care of my cuts, I use antiseptic wipes and always make sure the blade is clean.

Jeez, I don't even know how I ended up here. Sorry. x

[ummmm]

Baby-Sham...honestly, don't worry. They will want to help you. They would have seen this loads of times before and know that self harming doesn't mean bad parenting. They will get this from just speaking to you. Also...explain your fears to them. They will understand.

[Baby_Sham]

Thank you both :) xx

I just don't 'get' how I've got to this point. My kids are the only thing that stop me walking out in front of a bus.

[Baby_Sham]

Genuinely, thank you :) xx

[flump1]

Don't be sorry Baby, you are doing well. Go tomorrow and take on board as much as you can, it will get easier xx

[Mamyalynne]

Trust me, it does not mean you are weak, some of the strongest people I know - life's 'copers' have ended up there. However there is a way back.

[ummmm]

And social services is not all about child protection. It's also there for family support.

[scorpiojo]

Sometimes there isn't an obvious reason how you get there. What's important is that you have recognised you have a problem and want to do something about it. Please accept the help you'll be offered and let us know how you get on. X

[Baby_Sham]

Quick update, I got on fine. It was easier than I thought and the lady I saw was lovely.
It was, er, emotional to say the least. I didn't realise I would be doing most of the talking, and we literally went through a timeline of my life.
There were things I spoke about that I had no idea effected me to this day, but judging by the tissues I went through (very unlike me), they obviously do.
I'm going to see someone on a one-to-one basis, for two hours every week, until the middle of the new year, and once a week as a group session.
As for the 'self harming', she was more concerned about me 'taking care of them' than what I was actually doing. I explained about my fears for my children, and she asked why I thought this and reassured me that this would never happen unless anyone thought I was a danger to anyone else, which I'm not. I'm not even a danger to myself (I'm not suicidal in the least bit).
Thanks again for all the help and advice. It was nice to be reassured that I'm not actually 'crazy', and all the thoughts and feelings that I've been experiencing are in fact very common.

Thanks again.

[mazie]

Well done....I hope you get all you need Baby Sham x