Flat Sharing...

[Scarlett]

I moved in to my flat with my best friend some years back. He got a girlfriend and dumped me- I didn't see him for months. Now that she has moved back to her Mums she is suddenly staying round our flat more and more. He has not asked me if this is okay. The flat is tiny with no sound proofing. I am still angry with him for dumping me when previously we were inseparable. Him bringing her into the flat seems like rubbing my nose in it, and I feel like I can't leave my room. I have a normal tenancy agreement with a private landlord via an estate agent. We have just signed up to stay for the next 6 months, which is why I think he waited til now to start bringing her over all the time. This week she has been here 4 nights. I feel wretched, sad and uncomfortable in my own home. I have told him I am not happy and his attitude is "It's a shame you can't get on with her". What would you do?

[Old_Geezer]

So you are both renting the same place from the same landlord ? Do they have an opinion of folk staying over more often than not, effectively being a non paying tenant ? Even if they are ok with this they may sympathise with your situation and allow you to move without penalty. May be worth asking what their stance is on it.

Try to separate the annoyance of your past relationship split from the present issue.

[boxtops]

I sympathise with your dilemma, but I'm confused who is who. Your best friend got a girl friend and dumped you - so who's staying with your man friend in your flat, is this the same girl?

I agree with the others, if it's a 2-person flat, 3 people shouldn't be living there regularly. Check your tenancy agreement about guests.

[Brinjal]

Tell him you want a three way split on the rent and utilities as you are not prepared to pay for his girlfriend.

[237SJ]

What would I do? I would tell him that if he is going to bring his girlfriend over to stay 4 nights a week, then he needs to pay more rent. Why should you subsidise her?

[Scarlett]

It's not really a money issue. If she started to pay money then she would be entitled to live there, and I just don't want her there!
Boxtops- yes, I shared with my best male friend. He got a gf and now is having her stay over in his room all the time, making things awkward and horrid for me.

[shoota]

Suppose you meet a fella - would you not entertain him at the flat?

[Maydup]

I do feel for you Scarlett, its not uncommon for two friends to share a flat yet end up uncomfortable when one of the two begins a relationship. You must try not to give in to it and instead spend time in the shared rooms rather than feel confined to your bedroom. It will take time to get over this, but rise above it and start to build a new life with other friends and interests.

[Old_Geezer]

A regular four nights a week is more than an occasional entertainment. I think the point of him paying extra was not that he should do so but that might make him reconsider the amount of time she is there. Maybe she could entertain him at hers more often. The other way to look at this is that you have just 6 months to find somewhere more suitable for you. Sharing can be a pain, but sometimes one has to cut ones coat according to ones cloth, just make sure you have the right person to share with.

[pastafreak]

If,as you say,the gf is living at her mother's now...where do you expect them to spend quiet time together? If male friend has his own room,then its natural that his gf will be a frequent visitor. If he was *just* a flatmate you probably would not feel so uncomfortable. I wonder also if your feelings for him are more than just a best mate? You need to put yourself in their shoes. If you had a bf who did not have his own place,wouldn't he spend a lot of time with you at yours?
You either need to accept the situation,or one of you needs to move on.

[ummmm]

I agree with Pasta. Surely you knew there was a chance that this scenario would arise. It's what couples do, spend time together, and it's unrealistic to expect them not to.

You actually sound jealous.

[cassa333]

Scarlett, What did you expect would happen when he got a gf? Exactly what is happening or did you expect your relationship to stay the same as you wanted it to? Did you or do you have a bit of a crush on him? did you want your relationship to go further and getting the flat was a way of making that happen?

You should have thought of this when you got the flat together because if you get a bf you would be doing the same. If you start moaning and complaining now will not make your life easier or your relationship with him better. You only have a 6 month tenancy so get him to pay more so you can start saving now and go and get yourself a place of your own.