Opinions Please.

[Jenarry]

I'm in my forties and me and my fiance have just set a wedding date that is weeks away...because we want to just do it asap ,no muss,no fuss. I have an idea of who i want there,my parents,my niece and my best and closest friends.
a total of around 20 people . I am undecided about a couple of people though. One is a workmate who I consider as a friend not just a work colleague. and we occasionally go out for meals together with our partners which we really enjoy. I would love for her and her hubby to join us on the day either for the ceremony and/or the celebratory meal after. But I feel like it is going to cause bad feeling if she is invited and no-one else from work is.
The second is sadly my brother..to cut a long story short he is my brother yes but we are very different people and don't really have anything to do with each other.he has done rubbish things in the past to me and my parents although on my part there is no badness to this decision just that he is not a big part of my life these days. a couple of things have happened recently which has highlighted this.
But my mum has cottoned on that I hadn't invited him yet and has been on the phone to me this evening telling me that 'he is my brother and I've got to invite him'
I got very angry with my mum...for the 1st time in my life. :/

[sunny-dave]

Yes to colleague (perhaps you could have an informal 'drinks after work' or similar for the others?)

No to brother - you choose your friends - your family come as a job-lot - there is no requirement to like them all.

[gness]

Exactly as Dave says....the informal drinks with colleagues would be lovely...

And if you don't want your brother...it's your wedding....but I do hope your Mum understands and doesn't make you feel bad....

Congratulations and have a wonderful day....x

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

Invite anyone you like to the actual ceremony to keep the peace, but only invite the people you really want there to the reception.

[choux]

I think you should sleep on it and speak to your mum again tomorrow to talk your point of view through with her. It would be a shame to let this come between your mum and you - the bride's happiness should be maintained and paramount. Congratulations :)

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

I disagree Choux, The bride and groom should duke it our between themselves in my opinion and any parent that disagrees to the point they won't go is a selfish ***

[ummmm]

Do you and your brother speak when you see each other?

[ChillDoubt]

It's your day so you should have the final say.
Have a chat with Mum and explain how you feel.
If there's never been much between you as siblings then she ought to realise that after your chat.

It is a difficult one and as ever, one can choose one's freinds but not one's family.

[ummmm]

Mojo - it could also ruin her day if she spends the day worrying about how her mum feels.

If having him there makes your mum happy which in turn makes you happy, invite him. If having him there will make you unhappy regardless of anyone elses feelings, don't invite him.

[choux]

Disagree all you like MJJ, my reply was to Jenarry :)

I can imagine her mum would want her son to be at the wedding of his sister but I think the bride should have the final say so. I assume the groom will do likewise with his choice of family and friends.

[Buenchico]

My opinion:
Yes, you should invite your colleague. Other people at work will know that you and her are good friends and, given that you're only having a low-key wedding, see nothing unreasonable in you only inviting her & her hubby.

With regard to your brother, I'd phone him and say "We've not always seen eye-to-eye in the past but I'd still be happy to see you at our wedding. However I won't be offended if you'd rather not come". That way you've invited him (to satisfy your mother) but hinted that you're not desparate for him to attend. The chances are that he'll decline anyway (if only to save on the cost of a wedding present!)

[Jenarry]

not really umm. I've often been at my niece mum's house visiting or picking my young niece up and he just about says hello. getting a conversation out of him is like pulling teeth. :( he doesn't talk to me or turn to me with his problems . we really are close to being strangers...and we have very different lifestyles.

[Mamyalynne]

I am of a similar mind to Buenchico, for one day, give him the chance tp be there - if you thereafter continue to go your separate ways, so beit.

I am however the peacemaker in our family.

Hope your day and your life is wonderful.

[anneasquith]

your wedding, your decision who you invite .

[scooping]

You don't have to please others. Your day. Do what you want. Do it in secret if you like.

[Sqad]

All weddings "p1ss" somebody off.

You pals from work.....yes invite just the two of them.

You brother.....it would by hypocritical to invite the "git"....you don't like him, there is nothing between you......don't invite him.

Have a nice wedding;-)

[Peter Pedant]

echo sqad have a nice wedding

Having been a subject of an exclusion - someone is gonna get p+ssed off, and I think it boils down to how you want the day to go....

Happened twice - I must be much liked - where hangers on have asked me - what are you doing here (funeral) and it is difficult not to say
Good Question - what are YOU doing here ?
[ advice - dont ask this question, as it offends the asked - even tho he might have asked it himself a few second before ]

SOmeone is gonna be offended Jenarry so I think it is question of doing what you want - so at least you are not offended at your own wedding

[Jenarry]

my mum is just not listening to what i am saying to her ..i said that there are others who feel they are being left out but we just want a small affair ..my mums reply 'yes but they are not you're brother' my reply was he doesn't act much like a brother...let alone my older brother. :O(
and later on 'just invite him...it will be easier and make him happy'
make him happy-it's me and my partners day !!! besides he's never done anything to make me happy. :O(
sorry for the rant,my mum is just winding me right up. she likes having her own way and she's making all sorts of excuses for my brothers rubbish behaviour towards me and my parents just so he can be there for her and for him regardless of how i feel as she isn't even listening to my opinion.
she even hinted that he may just turn up if i don't invite him!!! :O(

[Jenarry]

I have invited my workmate and her hubby. They can't make the wedding but they are coming to the celebratory meal after and are really looking forward to it. :O)

[Cloverjo]

I've come into this quite late, but I think you were right to invite your workmate. Regarding your brother, if he turns up without being invited he'll have nowhere to sit at the meal and will possibly look a fool (are you having a formal arranged wedding reception or a booked table at a restaurant?)
I think Buenchico has it right here. Give him the chance to come, but don't encourage the issue. You could always seat him at the other end of the table from you.
Have a good day.