Friendship Time Limits?

[Scarlett]

I have noticed that when I make a new friend I experience the sort of highs you get when first in love- and they do too. ie- lots of effort, appreciation etc and then seemingly bang on 6 months, all the enthusiasm stops and it plateaus and becomes a bit more normal. Has anyone else experienced this, either with a friendship or a relationship?

[woofgang]

no, not with a friendship or a relationship either.

[Sqad]

Friendship? sexual or non sexual?
Heterosexual or homosexual?

[Old_Geezer]

relationships mature.
excitement/fear/involvement early on, dependence/trust/stability later.
That's not to say you can make no continuing effort, but it is unlikely to remain at the same pace/situation continually. be too wearing/stressful.

[boxtops]

No - not with a friendship. We might get together quite a lot if we are enthusiastic about the same hobby, for example, but I've never got a high out of it - but neither do I have exclusive friends, we would often go out in a group etc. Nothing like starting a new love relationship.

[Sqad]

boxy.......so what are you assuming, that it is a male or female friend and if so how have you deduced that fact?

[Peaspeculiars]

I hear what you are saying Scarlett and can relate to it. I think it's the kind of 'Oh, they like me, that's great' high when you find a new friend, they don't rely on you too much to begin with and everything you talk about is exciting and fun. Then over time you get to really see the person your new friend is and they might start to rely on you for help and support, and you to them.
The first stage is a fun friend, the second stage is a True friend. The plateau comes when you are comfortable with your friend and no longer need to impress them and always try to be enthusiastic about everything.

You have to take the high and the lows and make a commitment to be there for your friend, that's what friends do. I lost contact with a lot of friends about 15 years ago when I needed help and support and they weren't there like I'd been for them. The people that stood by me and still do are my true friends, the people whom didn't want to hang about were my 'fun' friends as they didn't want to commit.

Apparently research shows that we go through a set of 'fun' friends every 7-10 years as we move through life and keep a small handful of friends as life-longer's Strange, but true.

[Scarlett]

Interesting, cos I've found it very similar to a new love relationship. Maybe I have a more obsessive personality than others!

[Sqad]

Peaspeculiar.........i ask again....are we talking about a male or female friend for Scarlett here?

[Sqad]

Silly thread and i have lost interest.

[Scarlett]

Sqad- no need to get huffy. You asked Boxy, not me. It can happen with either. In this instance at the moment it is with two new male friends but has happened with female too. Perhaps moreso with male.

[Peaspeculiars]

Thought it was an interesting OP actually, Thanks Scarlett

[Sqad]

Scarlett...17.31 post was to YOU not boxy.

You didn't answer so I asked boxy 17.44 she didn't answer.

[Scarlett]

Peas- Thanks that is interesting. I recently made a new friend and have been experiencing all the highs associated with a new 'love' relationship, even though it is platonic. Then suddenly, bang on 6 months, things seemed to change- cool off, like it wasn't as exciting anymore- for them. Still friends, just not as overjoyed about it! I wondered if there was a hormone-based reason, like there is with love relationships, where you experience oxytocin or some natural chemical, released in order to bond you together for reproduction?!

[Scarlett]

Sorry Sqad, I didn't get there in time. Hetero relationship- me female, them male.

[Marijn]

This is interesting, it happens to me too with new friends both male and female. I have a reasonably new male friend who I thought was interesting and fun to be with. The friendship is now about eight months old and I am not bothered if I see him or not. PS I know that sounds horrible, but I'm not.

[Sqad]

Ah!...right. You have met a bloke and embarked on a relationship that you described as "platonic" and then after 6 months he "loses" interest and the relationship sort of goes "pear shaped."......he cools off.
Have i got that right.

Basically in my experience a man cannot indulge in a platonic relationship with a woman, of course there are exceptions, particularly when the sexual aspect gets boring or is not satisfying.

I would consider this to be a normal and frequent end to an unproductive heterosexual relationship. Nobody is to blame...it just happens.

[Slapshot]

Strange concept, I've a few very good friends, I have other friends and then acquaintences.... I think I've always had the same nature of friendship with them and hopefully that wouldn't change, cant fathom time limits being involved

[Prudie]

i've never experienced a high when I make a new friend (except perhaps at school) but then I don't really make friends. Relationships though (and for sqad I'm talking with a heterosexual male) I think it's quite common to hit a plateau after a few months, either it's worth moving on to the next stage or one of you gets dumped.

[EcclesCake]

Sqad I read your relationship 'advice' and frequently conclude that you have the emotional maturity of a lamp post!

[Sqad]

Eccles...LOL....correct.