Totally Changed Person.........

[Jeza]

Since Mic had his stroke he is a different person. Before it he was a helpful, hard working loving husband. Now he is bad tempered and often aggressive. I've been bitten, punched and had some of my hair pulled out. I know this is not the Mic I knew. I am now on my guard all the time and often step back from him when I sense his moods. I also realise most of this is borne from his frustration as to things he wants to do but can't.

The point of my post is, when I see on the news about care homes where some of the staff treat the patients badly I now can see why. I am not in any way condoning their behaviour but beginning to understand it. I find it hard to walk away at times when he threatens and swears at me. So how must they feel when it is not even a family member. The people who do that job must be truly dedicated to their work. The bad apples need throwing out. Although I know the time will come when Mic should be in a home I will be very reluctant to do it. Ratters thoughts will be interesting.

[Psybbo]

Jeza, I have been thinking exactly the same thing, trying to deal with my mother. xx

[mazie]

Hi Jeza, Reading your post has made me very sad. I was in a very similar situation with my Mum. I loved her to bits but could no longer cope. I spoke to a lot of people and took a lot of advice. In the end I realised I would be dead before she was, in that case I would be absolutely of no use to her. I searched high and low and found the most brilliant care home.. Right to the end they loved my Mum and when she was dying she wasn't left alone for a moment.... Most of the off duty staff came to her funeral and we all keep in touch now. Please, please for both of you, just think about it.

[mazie]

It's not easy girls, but over time you will realise it's the best option, you just need to select the home and visit weekly before you commit to putting your loved ones in their care...It took me 4 months to decide and that was by doing regular visit before she went in and speaking to the staff.

[Psybbo]

Mazie, thank you

[Jeza]

You are both speaking of your Mum, so I assume they are quite old. Mic is just 65.

[humbersloop]

Evening Jeza - and Psybs-, just a quick look in here

make your call, in due time whatever you do will be both right and wrong in your own mind afterwards

for tonight, enjoy the b&c Jeza ;)

Psybbs, go steady x

[Psybbo]

95+ Jeza, trying sloopy x

[Mamyalynne]

My heart goes out to you all - in 2 days time it will be the sixth anniversary of my Bill's death, he was 64.


I try daily to put out of my mind things said to me towards the end and remember the man I loved instead.


Please all take good care of yourselves. ♥

[woofgang]

Jeza I wouldn't presume to comment on your current life. From the little I know about abuse in care homes, its not always, or even mostly, the aggressive patients who are abused. Triggers are more likely to be patients who are incontinent or otherwise make more work for the carers.

[Psybbo]

Oh Mamyalynne, that must have been so hard. I'm glad you remember the good times, I'm afraid that's not the case with my mother and has now become nastier.

[Mamyalynne]

Caring for my Mum was rather different, she never really liked me - so it was simply an extension of that and in some ways easier to bear.

Bill's case was different, he bore his illness really well and remained his bright and loving self until the latter stages when the brain cancer took over - I know it wasn't him being horrible.

[tamborine]

My OH was 62 on passing. I had 2 pt nurses, 2 polish cleaner & cook for peppercorn rent. All at £100pw instead of care home fees @ £2k.pw. OH was always jolly to staff but I got the abuse.

Can you afford more help, to give you a break?

[Jeza]

I feel for all of you who have been and still are where I am at this point in time.

Woof, Mic wears a pad and a convene as he cannot get out of bed. During the night he often takes it off. I do my best to clean up before the carers arrive. It does make me heave. If care home workers treat patients badly because of this they are really in the wrong job.

[Retrochic]

Jeza you are an angel x

[Jeza]

Sorry for the delay, carers at the door. Now gone.

Retrochic, not yet but at this rate I soon will be.

Tambo, Where did you get these people from?

[ferlew]

I feel for you too, we are at that stage where sons and I are discussing next step, Mr F gets worse by the week.
My lovely gentleman of a hubby is now very crabby with me a lot of the time.

[bednobs]

care homes are not 2k per week

[Tilly2]

Care home do not cost that much!

[Jeza]

I wish I had family, unfortunately neither Mic or I do so any decision is mine alone. One of the reasons why I come on here and wear my heart on my sleeve.

[ferlew]

You are the one who knows him best, and therefore the one who will make any decision in his best interests xxx