what's your Personal Opinon?

[HAnn521]

Do you stay with someone (dating) even though you know, because they've confessed to you, that the relationship won't go anywhere?

i.e. eventually lead to marriage in the future

And secondly, do you stay with someone even though you both know they don't feel the same way about you that you do about them?

Please share!

[ICEMANSAV]

It might be a wake up call to put your relationship back into gear and find that lost spark. Often a relationship can break down but not all circumstances are terminal, often it is just a case of re-evaluating how much the other means to the other. Taking for granted often leads to feelings of lack of movement but a break up often shows that love was and still is there and all it needed was work to make a sucess. Someone once told me, love takes a lot of work but the rewaqrd know's no bounds!

 

Bit soppy so going a man place and doing a man thing... Stella anyone?

[hannahjo]

It�s a tough one. Not being in the situation myself I�d say no, I wouldn�t stay with them. But I have been in a similar position before and know that it�s not so easy to walk away. I kept on convincing myself that I was ok with it, or that the guy would change his mind about me, or that I could get things back to how they were at the start when all was great. In the end I realised it was making me miserable so I cut all ties with him, took a while to get me back on my feet but im now with someone who�s so right for me and cares about me loads! So you see there can be a happy ending!

The thing is, no two relationships are the same so only you can know what�s really going on and how you feel about it. But the fact that you are even asking this question does make me think that you�re not ok with the situation�

Whatever the outcome I hope things work out & that you�ll be happy xxx

[georgit79]

Is this you and your boyf, HAnn? I hope not, you look like such a cute couple!

How long have you been together?

[HAnn521]

ICEMAN, I didn't expect to see your name on a post such as this, but I was pleased to see you didn't mind sharing your opinion with me...a male's input is much appreciated in this situation. I am grateful for your response, very insightful.

hannahjo, As most fellow-women can, you got a lot from my question that I didn't write out...and you did hit very close to home. I feel that I am only hurting myself now by not coming to grips with the reality of it...but still, the choice between with/without him is a hands down for me despite everything.

continued......

[rampart]

Absolutely. I think it is wonderul to date even if you know the path is not to the wedding chapel. There is no pressure on the relationship. It is companionship of the opposite sex. You can still go out dancing, dinner, theatre, whatever you want. You don't have to preclude those who are not candidates for marriage.

Before mrs rampart, over the years I dated several ladies in that manner. We knew the relationship was not going to head down the aisle, but we enoyed certain things together. One lady enjoyed the movie theatre, another enjoyed equestrian activities , and a third enjoyed dancing.

A word of warning, make sure you both agree to this type of dating (which was common years ago). You are both on the quest for the perfect partner, so make sure you both agree to that as  you set your next date. It is just fine as long as both of you understand the terms.

Enjoy. . .

[HAnn521]

georgit, I'm afraid to say, as past posts show, the questions come from me...and we have just passed the one-year mark...

[HAnn521]

rampart, Thank you for your input as well, though I am sorry to say...I have not and never will be the type to date for only the fun and enjoyment of it. I date someone with more serious goals and values in mind.

When I'm with someone, I've give it my all...and the trouble here is that I have already begun to have hopes of this leading somewhere...I fear I can't turn back now and simply rid myself of that hope...that would be far easier said than done...

[ICEMANSAV]

just out of interest why does my post come as suprising?

[HAnn521]

I suppose, ICEMAN, that I expected most of the males steer clear of this section...a result of my generalizing...allthough I am pleased to see that you take my inquiry seriously and give your true opinion.

I am in need of all advice at this point!

[ICEMANSAV]

well if it makes you feel any better, your picture showed that anyman would be lucky to have you. Very pretty and obviously very thoughtful. Best of luck.

[hannahjo]

Awww i really do feel for you HAnn. But iIf you're giving it your all then i feel you deserve the same back. No one should have to settle for second best... I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, and I hope that doesnt upset you - just my personal opinion. Try and keep your chin up :)

[HAnn521]

It is amazing how, despite coming from a stranger, any comment such as yours, ICEMAN, does build me up...

and, as I have seen your pic as well, the same goes for you, sincerely...

[georgit79]

I'm so sorry, HAnn. I wouldn't be able to carry on as if nothing had happened if my (non-existant) boyfriend, who I was crazy about, told me he didn't see a future in the relationship. You're an absolutely gorgeous girl, HAnn, you deserve someone who will cherish you. I'm getting teary...

[mfewell]

I used up (won't say wasted) 10 years of my life in this situation. If you want proper long-term committment and he doesn't, you could end up doing the same. Then when it finishes you feel empty and somehow cheated. Have fun,but keep your eyes peeled for someone else, good luck. Judging from your photo you won't have much trouble.

[ondemania]

hmm 1- if they didnt like you the same way you liked them - depends if they treat you well still. if youre happy just having the company anyway i guess you could continue. however if one of you meets another person who they feel more strongly about then it could be upsetting.
2- if the relationship wouldnt leave to marriage - this is ok, feeling develp over time so thoughst may change, in the mean time aslong as its fun and both people are happy then its ok :)

[lindapinda]

HI Hann521,i think you probably know the answer to your own question really.It's going to be so difficult for you,what ever you decide.I just think that if you don't think you deserve the best for yourself,then who else will? Hope things aren't too awful for you.

[HAnn521]

Well, you all have said some wonderful and helpful things...

I sense the true empathy in your statement georgit, and can I just ask you...are you single? If so, how long have you been unattached?

I really could use some independent womanly inspiration to give me the strength I feel I'm lacking right now...

and I will take all of what each of you have said, and consider every aspect of this situation to find the right solution for me...my deepest thanks!

feel free to continue sharing your opinions...

[jno]

sorry to read your post HAnn - but perhaps the situation isn't a shock to you; as I recall you expressed some doubts a couple of months ago?

It sounds as if your man is being kind and honest with you. Some would just dump you (even by text message!), others would keep you on a string. Your guy seems to have made clear what's in his heart.

Your next step, I think, should not be to keep yourself on a string. It's tempting - as hannahjo said - to keep thinking you're almost there, if you could just convince him of your love he'd be sure to return it. But this doesn't seem to be the case, and I think you know it and need to face up to it. This is not easy; in fact it can be heartbreaking, but it needs to be done. As you say, you want to put everything into a relationship, and you need to detach yourself from this one so that you are free when another, better match for you comes along.

This doesn't necessarily mean never seeing him again; it is possible to be good friends with former lovers, and it's certainly easier on the soul. But if you do this just as an excuse to stay near him, and not free yourself, it wouldn't be good for you.

Of course you wonder if you'll ever find Mr Right, rather than Mr Nearly Right. Your posts show you have a kind heart and friendly personality (good looks too); I don't think you will go unloved for long. But you should probably brace yourself for some pain in the short term. I hope it all goes well with you.

[thebigchill]

I have had many a relationship where we both knew it wouldnt lead to marriage or anything serious, and the fact that we both knew this made it a lot easier than some of the more serious relationships i have been in. To talk about this in a relationship can change things for better or worse. A friend of mine had this discussion where they both decided they werent looking for a serious relationshiip, yet 6 years later they are still together!!

In my opinion (which very rarely counts!) if you start a relationship with marriage in mind, it is doomed to fail, better to let the chips fall where they may and enjoy every minute you can with this person. After all, every relationship you have is practice for the real thing!

[georgit79]

Apart from a brief dalliance about 4 months ago, I've been single for about a good 3 years, HAnn, on and off! So I know pretty much everything there is to know on the subject- ask away!