Gness In Barclays Bank

DTCwordfan | 17:56 Wed 24th Sep 2014 | Jokes

16 Answers

Gness goes into Barclays Bank in Mayfair, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and Gness says, "A million quid." The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and Gness says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..."

And the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of notes, mainly purple and rose coloured . This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the Boss of the bank to handle this one.

He arrives, and escorts Gness to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks Gness where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling."

"Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?"

"Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I've got £10,000 right here that says that by noon tomorrow your balls will be square, and I'll even give you 5:1 odds. You'd get £50,000 you'd be willing to wager on that?"

The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little Irish lady, but he didn't get to be the Boss of Barclays Mayfair without knowing something about money.

"I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that sort of wager, but I wouldn't feel right taking it from you...there's no way you can win a bet like that!"

Gness just shook the bag, and said, "I know what I'm doing...and I can afford to lose, though I'm not going to. Is it a bet?"

"Ok, have it your way", said the boss, and they shook hands on it.

"See you at 11:55 tomorrow morning", said Gness, and with that she left.

Next morning at 11:55 Gness arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the manager's office. The Boss is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He'd got almost no sleep the night before, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night.

He had checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing; perfectly normal.

When Gness arrived he started to relax, knowing he had won.

"Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?" said the bank boss. "He's my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?"

"No, perfectly understandable."

"Well, it's now noon, and I'm still unchanged, so I guess I win!" he said happily.

"Not so fast!" said Gness. "For a fifty grand exposure I want to verify things personally! Please drop your breeks." The Barclays Mayfair boss is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position he'd want proof as well, so he drops his troos.

Gness goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question.

"Ok, you win, here's your £50k," handing over a bag of bills.

As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning.

"What's wrong with him?".

"Oh, he's just upset. Poor loser if you ask me. You see, I had a bet for quarter of a million with him that I would have the boss of Barclays Bank, Mayfair, balls in my hand by the end of today.