How Long After The Death Of Your Spouse Should You Get Involved With A New Partner?

[annieigma]

Hi,
no protocol for this on google, but, a close relation lost his wife 6 months ago, he is 69 years old, and wants to start a relationship with an old flame from 50 years ago. Is this o.k.?? or a bit too soon? He says that he has a limited life span, and that his deceased wife said she thought everyone should have a partner, no one should live alone?
I am not against it, but wonder what his kids and neighbours will think.

[sherrardk]

My mother died 5 years ago - my step-dad started dating about 18 months later and married the lady 18 months ago. My mother was only 61 and it was all quite sudden. I think my siblings thought everything happened too soon and too fast but my step-dad was crap at being on his own so I'm pleased for them. I don't think there are any 'rules'.

[bednobs]

what a ridiculous question - grief has no set times or duration. And who carers whether you are for or against it? Who cares what his kids will say?

[Sqad]

LOL ^^^ bednobs.

I agree.

[jno]

assuming his old flame is okay with a sort of rebound relationship, good luck to them. But it's possible he's still processing the death, which may prove a distraction.

[Prudie]

There is absolutely no answer and some people will tut whenever it is.

[237SJ]

The fact that he is harping back to someone he knew 50 years ago says (to me) that he is not ready for a proper relationship and he is just clutching at straws and is looking for a stepping stone.

[Mamyalynne]

There is no protocol, no rights or wrongs - often those who have been the happiest move on sooner.

It is a mistake to think that by looking for a new partner you are forgetting the one who has died - that's not how it works.

He should do what is right for him.

[Sqad]

He is 69 years old.........his wife is dead.

A new chapter in his life.

Some one to have sex with, someone to cook and clean for him, bit of companionship, BUT........not to cohabit with.

Seems fine to me...as long as she has aged well, dresses well and her habits do not include, farting.

[Jackdaw33]

Henry VIII had no qualms about such things. He became engaged to Jane Seymour a day after the execution of Anne Boleyn and married her ten days later.

[jno]

that was also my thought, 237SJ. But ultimately it's their decision, not mine, not the kids' or the neighbours'.

[237SJ]

Sqad - you are such a chauvanist!

[Mamyalynne]

Not co-habit with?? Why the heck not?

If he wants company.

[Prudie]

Sqad :-) your post has caused giggles in my house.

[Mamyalynne]

Make me dinner, get in bed, now sod off - ruddy charming that is.

[237SJ]

And I spelt it chauvinist wrong

[jno]

you forgot "and wash my socks", Mamya

[Sqad]

Mamy

Both need companionship, but both need their own space.........particularly if it doesn't work out.

Just my opinion.

[Mamyalynne]

And strychnine in the sorbet - aye.

[Mamyalynne]

Oh do they? Apologies, I didn't know that about them.


PS

Don't eat the sorbet.

[MallyJ]

No ones business but his and hers - but I do think that those who care for him would surely want him to be happy .....