A Real Dilemma Re A Neighbour.

[kylesmum]

Wasn't sure where to post it...I truly need sage advice though.
I have an elderly neighbour, who is widowed and lives in a large house (an ex Church Manse).She has two daughters who have her overnight every few months and then despatch her back on the bus.
I know this as I look after her cat.
She has for the last year referred to her husband, who has passed, as in getting his supper for him etc , I go with the flow but i've been aware.It ws disconcerting at first
It's clear she is showing signs of dementia (please don't correct me as I don't know the difference between that and Alzheimers and to be honest it doesn't matter now)
Two night ago she came to me at 7pm and said she had been in the greenhouse for hours ....the 'men' had released her but her husband and daughters were playing a prank on her and not letting her back in the house.She was locked out...her purse and cards were scattered when we went down to check.She was dehydrated and frozen.It was awful for her as she did at times say she didn't like living in this surreal world.It's awful.
I managed to get her daughter,who was less than chuffed and reluctantly decided to come to see her, she was the only one with a key.
She left her mother alone that night and when I went to see if she was there the following day (I was to look after the cat) she was there with a cleaner.She said she was happy as she didn't think the men would come back and Robert wouldn't play any more pranks on her.
My dilemma is : If she hadnt 'escaped' to us for help after the 'men' released her she would have lain in that greenhouse all night and she likely would have died...it's very cold up here.We are going on holiday so she won't have us to help her.
Her daughter see's her as a pest in my opinion as she tutted when I phoned and sighed. I would have been most upset.. She has only seen her other daughter once in the last 18mths.They are both extremely wealthy and successful...they owe her, she is their Mother.
I'm worried sick.There has been other episodes but none as scary as this one...i've diluted it.
So when do I phone Social Services and ask them to look after her?
The daughter doesn't want to know. Believe me.
I can't have this on my conscience...i'm even sitting here wondering if she's wandering about waiting on the shops opening...
Any help would be appreciated. I dont care about the family...I only care about her.
Thank you for bearing with me if you managed to get to the end....anyone dealing with dementia will realise that it's hard to be very concise.

[pixie373]

I agree, bednobs. sad though it might look, she isn't their responsibility and well-meaning but ignorant relatives quite often do more harm than good. Leave them out of it and get the help yourself, if you can. Perhaps they don't even know her very well any more or just find it hard to deal with. Who knows?

[jourdain2]

You are living in a very difficult situation, bedknobs. It must be very difficult for you - I wish you strength and endurance to get through. You could probably do with a bit of help from social services, but you seem to be in that sticky patch where things aren't quite bad enough. Sadly, the situation often has to become critical before action is taken.

The situation described by the OP does sound rather different, however.

[Mamyalynne]

We can never ever generalise about the situations of others -however I believe the OP has known this family for some years so speaks with that knowledge.


Every situation is very different and yours Bednobs sounds painful and difficult.

[pixie373]

If kylesmum is right and I'm sure she is. I'm not sure this lady will particularly benefit from her daughters' involvement. Probably best to continue anyway, imo xx