Has Anyone Any Tactful Way Of Solving Our Problem....

[askyourgran]

We live on a quiet estate of bungalows mostly retired people, but in the semi next door to us is a young couple with two young children. The little girl is about 14months old and the little boy is probably 2 and a half. The couple are nice people but the children don't seem to sleep at all, the boy shouts and screams, shouting for his mother,at the top of his voice at all hours of the night and early morning. If the mother eventually goes in tells them to be quiet, then the boy screams for his father. At around 6am they will let the boy out he must be locked in his cot or something, he'll start running up and down the hallway shouting. It is horrendous three or four times at night every night. MrAsk is becoming irritable he has started knocking on the adjoining wall. During the daytime the boy will start screaming but the mother seems to have no control over him. She actually came out to her husband in the garden to ask him to help stop the boy from crying. This has gone on every night since we moved here. We did tell her that we could hear him crying, and she said it was night terrors and hoped he would grow out of it, but it isn't a fearful cry it is attention he seems to want What would you do?

[bednobs]

nothing. It's not like the parents are having a ball either is it!

[pixie374]

I wouldn't either. What can you do? X

[askyourgran]

I keep wondering how the mother copes with two little ones like that when her husband is at work, he does try to be at home when he can, but it is driving us nuts. She needs some sort of idea how to cope with him. I can't think of a tactful way of telling her that. I did wonder if the boy had something wrong with him.

[pixie374]

Possibly. It doesn't sound like she is coping. How well do you know her?

[Prudie]

They're not your children so I don't see why you should put up with it. I'd try ear-plugs, having the radio on quietly and definitely continue to bang on the wall in frustration in the middle of the night! Seriously, can you speak to them again about the fact you can hear them repeatedly every night?

[Mamyalynne]

One way of approaching it would be to try the helpful route, pop round with some home made biscuits or similar and strike up a conversation about how exhausted they must be with the young lad's sleep issues.

You could ask if she had sought any help from anyone , this way it wouldn't be seen as a criticism.

[askyourgran]

We've only spoken a couple of times so I don't really know them or the children, but they are nice I wouldn't like to be rude to them about it but Mr Ask is getting a bit fed up. I'll have to try a tactful approach, 3am yelling and screaming and they try to ignore him for ages. it is getting a bit much.

[B00]

I'm with the "do nowt" camp. The poor mum sounds ruddy frazzled enough as it is and probably could do without the mortification of knowing she's also naffing off her neighbours.

Yes its tough for you and yours, but it's a damn sight tougher for her, and it's not like it's done on purpose, if she could stop it you can bet your boots she'd have already done it by now.

[bednobs]

ps i am coming from the position of a mum of a three year old, who isn't always a great sleeper. In the middle of the night if she wakes up and i open her door, she'll look at me and let out a blood curdling scream, like ive come to murder her. If daddy opens her door, she'll just have a cuddle/drink and go back to sleep. I hate it that she doesn't want to be comorted by me, but theres not an awful lot i can do about it at the moment. My neighbours don't need to speak to me - i know they can probably hear her, and if i could change it, i'd fall over myself to do it. Smetimes ignoring her is the only way she'll settle.

[Cloverjo]

I agree with bednobs. I sympathise from both sides here. I've lived next door to a family where neither the children nor adults ever seemed to sleep, and the children wailed all night.
I've also had a child that didley sleep well. Although, he didn't scream, it was tough to get him to sleep for more than two hours at a time, and it was utterly exhausting. Although not ideal, I'd just suggest earplugs for now.

[Cloverjo]

^^^"Didley"? Should be "didn't".

[Ellipsis]

In the short term you need a way of solving this for yourself, which means making sure you can sleep even if that noise is going on. Options to consider include moving bedroom to be as far from the noise as possible (even downstairs), taking sleeping tablets, a radio in the background, a drink before bedtime (Horlicks or whiskey, for example), earplugs, soundproofing (thick drapes around the bed, foam on the walls, etc). Whatever it takes!

Once you're able to get a bit more sleep yourself, then you can start working on "helping" the neighbours to solve their problem ...

[woofgang]

Its difficult with it being a semi as any official action you might take is going to be traceable back to you. how long has it been going on for? If it was me, I think I would try and stick it out for a month and if it doesn't improve at all then go and have a polite and friendly chat about much of the noise you are hearing and what might help. If she says again its night terrors, mention the daytime noise and the running about at 6am. I suspect that the wee boy may be developmentally delayed or be on the autism spectrum. I hope the parents are getting the help they need.
I speak as a childless person who finds the noise made by a screaming child incredibly difficult to tolerate. I do realise that the mother may have her own problems and some allowance should maybe be made but equally she may not realise how much can be heard through a party wall.

[askyourgran]

I can appreciate that the parents are having a tough time, but so are we, they are very young couple and I don't know if they have sought any advice about the disruption he causes, his little sister must suffer too. We've lived here for nine months and it has been continual. We had hoped to find a peaceful retirement here. I wouldn't like the mother to think I was interfering if I go to see her. The parents seem to be a nice couple, she brought round a few (leftovers) of the children's birthday buns a few months ago, that was when we said we could hear the boy screaming. Thanks for your replies it is helpful to see your views of this.

[woofgang]

Its been going on for months? I would certainly be going round for a tactful chat.I think Mamya's best answer would be a really good way of making a start.

[Mamyalynne]

Kind of you to give me a best answer you have had so much good advice - it really is a difficult one to solve.

Let us know if you make any progress.

[askyourgran]

Thanks mamya, I don't want them to feel awkward about it if I go to see them. I'll have to take it slowly. Just trying to keep MrAsk from blowing a gasket.

[Mamyalynne]

I understand, you are in the middle.

[Barsel]

I sympathise with you askyourgran but I'm not sure what you would expect this young couple to do.If you were to tell them your concerns and the Mother asks you what can she do, what would you suggest? x