I Feel Horrid.

[ayabrea38]

My son is going to Uni in a few weeks,and while I'm dead proud of him,I'm hurting inside cos I'm going to miss him sooooooo much.Some of you might remember a few years ago when my Hubby was dangerously ill,thats when I really began to see him as an adult and talk with him as one.
We are Pizza partners (we always share one while Hubby and daughter have kebabs-yuk)and have even been finishing each other sentences!!
I'm in a wheelchair,but he takes me out shopping,hes a great shopper and NEVER loses his rag with me (he talks ME in to going into more shops!)
He takes life as it comes and is always making silly puns out of anything.I can't tell him off because he just makes me laugh.He might not cook,but he helps so much around the house in other ways (ie remembers to put the rubbish bin out when we have forgotten)
I know he is going to find new and exciting things and friends at uni,and I am 99% sure he will be ok work wise (his lowest grade ever was a B GCSE and that was when I was in hospital so he said he didnt even try cos he was worried)and he is in a shared block so will be kept an eye on.
I just don't want to lose what we have.
The other night we where up till very very late just chatting about anything and everything and I cherish these times.
Do you think we will be OK?I know not to crowd him etc,and to listen,but to hear someone else say they have stayed close to their son/daughter would give me hope.
Sorry this went on a bit
thanks for any replies
Aya B

[waterboatman]

He will be fine. He'll meet new friends. It seems he will get his head down and study hard for his degree. You will see him between terms and your relationship will be renewed each time. I'm sure he will keep in touch all the time he's away.

You will cope. Life adapts to circumstances and you will be fine. It will seem strange, but it will settle and you will find that you will find things to do yourself.

I wish you both all the best of luck.

[rockyracoon]

Aw, Ayabrea, I fear that I will be having a similar conversation on AB in a couple of years time.

Where I work, a lot of the staff have kids at Uni and say they can't get rid of them, as soon as any kind of break starts, they are straight back home wanting to be looked after. You seem to have an excellen relationship that I doubt will unravel because of Uni.

[-SharonA-]

Ayabrea, I have been through this, empty nest syndrome, twice. I have 2 boys and when my youngest the last left, I was hollow and empty, as we shared the same interests and food likes. It has been five years now and you do move on.
Just keep in touch with him and I am sure like mine, he will be home most weekends and holidays. Sharon X

[gness]

You'll be fine, Aya.......I felt the same when my daughter went to Uni.....but....

....we remained very close.......I had the joy of seeing her grow and become a confident young woman....
I met her new friends.....she brought them home for weekends and I enjoyed their company too.....I also met some of their parents and made lovely new friends.....

Now they are all in their thirties.....I've attended graduations, weddings..... knitted for their babies.......

I didn't lose her....or any part of her.....the relationship can just grow into something different, new and fulfilling if you let it.....Gx

[andy-hughes]

I'm with gness on this.

I have three daughters and although they have not gone to university, they have all moved out of home, and subsequently married and had families.

The relationship is different, but that is not a negative thing.

The dynamics shift - your children become adults in their own right, with their own lives, and your relationship with them shifts accordingly.

As gness says, you get drawn into their social lives, and meet new people.

But fundamentally, a mother's children are always her own, that never changes, and that link remains unbroken, which is as it shouldbe.

[Mamyalynne]

You don't lose what you have, it changes - you should rightly be proud he sounds a wonderful young man.

[mikey4444]

I can understand the way you feel aya, but look on it as just another chapter in life. His Uni years will be so exciting for him, and he will remember them for the rest of his life. I am not sure where you live or where his Uni is situated but I take it that you are not going to be at the opposite ends of the earth are you ?

We have skype these days, so you can easily keep in touch. Look at the advantages....no extra washing and ironing to be doing, no mess in the bathroom !

All little birds have to leave the nest at some time, so be glad for him that he off on this new adventure.

[DTCwordfan]

Aya - your bonds are too strong to be set asunder.....they will modify but they won't be removed and think of all the new experiences that he will share you in and, as has been said, something like Skype is an excellent way to keep in contact. Don't expect every day though, as your son needs room to spread his wings, (given the avian references above!).

You are very lucky as most mothers don't have this degree/depth of bond with their sons.

[joeluke]

He's approaching adulthood so hard as it seems it's time to cut the apron strings

[ayabrea38]

Thank you all,it is reassuring to know there are others out there who have gone through this .....and come out smiling.I still find it so hard to believe that little chap who peed on his Dad on the ferry home one day,or the one who announced to a bus load of people that 'he liked bogies cos they are salty' is this amazing,wonderful,superb 19 year old who is going to live away from home and have the adventure of a lifetime.
I do hope he comes home,even if it is with a bag full of washing (or two!)I appreciate our relationship is rare,but hopefully strong enough to adapt.I think it is,after reading your answers,they where very reassuring,and lovely to hear.
Thanks again everyone,much,much thanks!
Aya xx