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The Answerbank Summer Fete, Part 1
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In the village of Answerbank under the Wold (twinned with Damascus, Syria), it was 6.30am and under the supervision of the Fete Chairman, Whiskery Ron, the stall holders were setting up their stalls.
"Oi" said Ron to Tonyav "you didn't books a stall, what's your game?"
"Well I've go this lot to shift"said Tony, waving his arm expansively over a table."
"Hmmm, now where would you get designer handbags and the latest England shirts from?" queried Ron.
Tony adopted his best "what, me guv? I am as honest as the day is long" look which made him look shiftier than ever.
"Well I have this mate who works down the docks....." said Tony.
"OK, £35 and the stall is yours."
Tony handed over a fistful of £5 notes which smelled strongly of goat.
Ron moved on to where Talbot was setting up his 'hit the rat' game.
"What on earth have you got here?" said Ron pointing to a large pile of crates covered with a blanket.
"It'th my rath" lisped Talbot.
Ron nearly screamed as he peeked under the blanket to see crate after crate filled with mean, evil looking sewer rats.
"For God's sake Talbot" said Ron, breaking out into a sweat "You are supposed to use a broom handle coming down the drainpipe, not real bloody rats! Get rid of them now!"
Ron carried on around the field (courteously provided for free my the well known international supermodel, philanthropist and all round good egg, Mrs Overall). He suddenly made a 90 degree turn as he spotted Goodlife setting up a pulpit and opening box after box of religious pamphlets.
A hand grabbed his arm and Ron looked and saw it was the Reverend Venuste Enema whose face was so red it looked like a rotten strawberry.
"What's HE doing here? he hissed as he pointed to Goodlife
"He paid his money and it is a free country" said Ron, working his arm free and moving on.
In a far corner of the field a wrestling ring was being set up under the supervision of Murraymints (World Female Wrestling Champion 1983-4 as Murray the Mauler). She was wearing her best sparkly outfit, which seemed to have shrunk in the wash since her heyday in the 80's.
"When you do your demonstrations, who will you be wrestling?" queried Ron.
"Ah, I have a bit of a problem there" said Murraymints. "Big Thelma has put her back out and Savage Sandra is having trouble with her rheumatics so I have decided to challenge the villagers to a bout."
Shaking his head sadly, Ron moved with some urgency towards the First Aid tent.
Inside, he found Dr Sqad and Mamyalynne looking worse for wear after discovering a bottle of medicinal brandy in the First Aid box.
"This gets worse" muttered Ron under his breath as he left the tent to escape the brandy fumes.
Ron glanced towards the gate where a large van wa squeezing its way through the gatepost
"oh nooooooooooo" groaned Ron as he spotted the lettering on the van.
TO BE CONTINUED
"Oi" said Ron to Tonyav "you didn't books a stall, what's your game?"
"Well I've go this lot to shift"said Tony, waving his arm expansively over a table."
"Hmmm, now where would you get designer handbags and the latest England shirts from?" queried Ron.
Tony adopted his best "what, me guv? I am as honest as the day is long" look which made him look shiftier than ever.
"Well I have this mate who works down the docks....." said Tony.
"OK, £35 and the stall is yours."
Tony handed over a fistful of £5 notes which smelled strongly of goat.
Ron moved on to where Talbot was setting up his 'hit the rat' game.
"What on earth have you got here?" said Ron pointing to a large pile of crates covered with a blanket.
"It'th my rath" lisped Talbot.
Ron nearly screamed as he peeked under the blanket to see crate after crate filled with mean, evil looking sewer rats.
"For God's sake Talbot" said Ron, breaking out into a sweat "You are supposed to use a broom handle coming down the drainpipe, not real bloody rats! Get rid of them now!"
Ron carried on around the field (courteously provided for free my the well known international supermodel, philanthropist and all round good egg, Mrs Overall). He suddenly made a 90 degree turn as he spotted Goodlife setting up a pulpit and opening box after box of religious pamphlets.
A hand grabbed his arm and Ron looked and saw it was the Reverend Venuste Enema whose face was so red it looked like a rotten strawberry.
"What's HE doing here? he hissed as he pointed to Goodlife
"He paid his money and it is a free country" said Ron, working his arm free and moving on.
In a far corner of the field a wrestling ring was being set up under the supervision of Murraymints (World Female Wrestling Champion 1983-4 as Murray the Mauler). She was wearing her best sparkly outfit, which seemed to have shrunk in the wash since her heyday in the 80's.
"When you do your demonstrations, who will you be wrestling?" queried Ron.
"Ah, I have a bit of a problem there" said Murraymints. "Big Thelma has put her back out and Savage Sandra is having trouble with her rheumatics so I have decided to challenge the villagers to a bout."
Shaking his head sadly, Ron moved with some urgency towards the First Aid tent.
Inside, he found Dr Sqad and Mamyalynne looking worse for wear after discovering a bottle of medicinal brandy in the First Aid box.
"This gets worse" muttered Ron under his breath as he left the tent to escape the brandy fumes.
Ron glanced towards the gate where a large van wa squeezing its way through the gatepost
"oh nooooooooooo" groaned Ron as he spotted the lettering on the van.
TO BE CONTINUED
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lol....I am just on my way to the gym for a bit of a workout and spar, in preparation, with big Boris..he escaped from the refugee camp in Hungary and made his way here as he heard about the gorgeous women in the vicinity looking for a bit of a grapple....don't think he is prepared for the sparkly one though...had 2 bowls of porridge and an Irn Bru....bring them thar villagers on I say !
-- answer removed --
"What on earth have you got here?" said Ron pointing to a large pile of crates covered with a blanket.
"It'th my rath" lisped Talbot.
Ron nearly screamed as he peeked under the blanket to see crate after crate filled with mean, evil looking sewer rats.
Rat-ths............?
I donth bloody thinks so....I would be thur one scweeeaming
"It'th my rath" lisped Talbot.
Ron nearly screamed as he peeked under the blanket to see crate after crate filled with mean, evil looking sewer rats.
Rat-ths............?
I donth bloody thinks so....I would be thur one scweeeaming
