Leading on from my question a few days back- I was wondering whether my friend has a psychological disorder. She has been treated for depression but I think there is more to it than that. A few days before Christmas she had a massive rant at me- said some terrible things, and I worry that she is really unhinged. This has never happened before. Since I have known her (25 years) she has needed to be the centre of attention. She is an over-achiever. She NEEDS the applause and adoration of an audience or she gets ill. She has always exaggerated facts even when I know them to be untrue- things like who fancied her, who she slept with etc. She needs people to know she is clever and desirable even though I think she has low self-esteem.
We recently fell out because I was doing a creative project with someone who lives close to me- she lives several hours away and does many creative jobs without me, and it doesn't bother me at all. On Facebook she continually boasts about her achievements, meetings, her agent, and states again and again that she is a writer- almost as if she needs to keep stating it in case it becomes untrue. She now seems seriously unhinged and I don't know what to do. She is already on anti-depressants. Do you think she has a psychological disorder, and what can I do? My gut feeling is that I cannot stand it anymore and I should walk away, but I know this is not very charitable.
Do you have a mutual friend, that you trust, and that you could discuss this with?
As it stands, the burden of this situation will be hard for you to cope with on your own, and for your own well-being you probably would be better just letting things be and not so much walking away, as not engaging particularly.
By talking with a mutual friend or friends, a better picture of how best to react might evolve.
Mosaic- I have, yes. She is sympathetic but doesn't have any advice really. I guess I would need to ask a psychotherapist!
Sqad- not really. She has been like this a long time, only like a lot of my female friends, seem to be getting worse with age.
Woof- absolutely, it could be hormones- the flying off the handle. But doesn't explain her desperate need to boast and the uncontrollable ego.
Peter- that is really frightening!!
No, Scarlett, What I was trying to say is that she may always have had very low self esteem which would explain her needy behaviour and talking herself up. The only person who can change this is her and first she has to realise that there is a problem that can be changed and she has to want to change it. If she’s been like it for 25 years, then I would say that she will need a really powerful motivation to change. On top of this if her hormones are all over the place, she may have even less self control than usual and feel even worse than usual which would explain her recent outburst. As for what you should do well I have no idea to be honest.
I see, Woofgang. Yes I agree it is more than likely that. I did suggest to her that her self esteem seemed to be at an all time low, and she disagreed, saying that it was, if anything, really really high at the moment. She doesn't see that her neediness and her boasting comes across as a cry for help rather than self-assurance and high self-esteem.