How Do You Deal With It When

[nailit]

you see your children making the same mistakes that you have made?
As many of you know Ive had my share of troubles with alcohol, the law, etc.
My son (who is now 19) is going down the same path. He's had a few brushes with the law...as ive posted/asked advice for....in the past.
He turned up at mine last night (half cut) and I had to dress his fingers and knuckles because he had injured them in a brawl. Half expected plod to turn up but thankfully they didnt. (Ive got some suspicion that he's mixing with people that are drug addicts as well)

I fully expect a barrage of abuse/insults here but ive grown a thick skin over the years. (so no need for answers removed) Just want to know how do you turn your children away from your own path in life?

My worst nightmare is that he goes down the same path as me...

[pixie374]

Hi nailit, I assume he knows about your experiences already? You can only really talk to him and see what he says.

[nailit]

//You can only really talk to him and see what he says.//
He says that Ive got no need to talk....

[pixie374]

Does he live with you? Is he working? My daughter was a bit of a nightmare (diagnosed with ADHD too) until she had some responsibility. Will he talk to anyone that might help?

[anneasquith]

He's 19 nailit, sadly is it too late for your intervention.? My worry would be his choice of " friends""

[Togo]

Killer question Nails. Most kids if encouraged to ''do it like you' just want to do the opposite. Is he working or in college? Do you think he was just letting off steam. And probably the most important question I can ask you. Do you in any way revel in your previously 'edgy' past when he is with you wearing it as a kind of badge of honour? If you do, he is going to want to surpass you. It is what ''boys'' do Nails.

[Sqad]

How would I deal with it OR how should one deal with it?

I would take the easy way out, kick him out of the house and suggest that he finds his way in the world...for better or for worse.

How should ONE deal with it will follow nailit in a flow of sympathetic posts.

Which ever way you choice, the prognosis for your son is poor........not irreversible, but poor.

[nailit]

pixie, hes had several jobs but never stuck at any of them. He had a youth offending worker a couple of years ago but wouldnt really say much to her.

[pixie374]

Connexions? They go up to 19, I think. Or as sqad says, a month's notice and he needs either a job or college course if he wants to stay.

[Mamyalynne]

Nailit, he can see where your life has got you plus you have spoken to him.

If that hasn't made him choose a different path then maybe you've done all you can.

[Peter Pedant]

My cousin bears a close resemblance to Jesse Pinkman in Breaking Bad which I watch and rewatch with horrified anticipation

made all the mistakes time and again and none of the money

The catch phrases - the dead end friends - when in trouble with the law hatches plan A which can only be described as half-essed [ sample: fly the country to Brazil and be a film star - only no money no passport and cant act doesnt speak portuguese or whatever they speak there] to be replaced with plans B C D which are equally gormless. ends with arrest.

on release: repeat cycle
my role ? to watch with mesmerised fascination

[Gavmacp]

Quite a lot of my family and friends have gone down the alcohol route not that strange as it seems to blight the Scottish community. I agree with sqad!

[nailit]

oh god, I fookin despair at some of the answers from my fellow 'human beings'

[Gavmacp]

?

[anneasquith]

Sorry nailit, I think the answers to your question are reasonable ?

[Gavmacp]

Yes so do I.

[Togo]

Nails your concern for your boy is obvious. I did not enjoy asking you what I did. I have 5 younger brothers and a further 7 younger sisters ( two sadly past). I have scores of nephews and nieces, nothing is going to bemuse me. I have seen or heard it all. I also know how difficult it is to bring up a boy in the sort of environment S.O.T. has become. If he is half clever, handy with his fists, not easily intimidated then the scum bags will find a use for him. It is really about how turn him from a path that leads to only one place.

[nailit]

//Which ever way you choice, the prognosis for your son is poor........not irreversible, but poor.//
Thanks, Thats been a great consultation. Shall I hang myself now or wait until my son is dead before I feel sorry for myself?

[Baldric]

///I fully expect a barrage of abuse/insults here but ive grown a thick skin over the years. (so no need for answers removed) ///

So why are you complaining?

[pixie374]

Nailit, read them all and do what makes sense to you. He's 19, it's going to be up to him now. Support, encouragement, find him some numbers or sites that might be helpful. But it depends if he wants to...xx

[Gavmacp]

Nailit,
I think Sqad was talking from years of experience and reading around these issues. He isn't known for soft talking. But you did ask the question.