Quite Hurt

[jennyjoan]

I am a bit reluctant to post this but what do you think.

I called over with friend who has cancer (on Saturday) - conversation started ok altho she is "bitter and angry" with having cancer etc.

In the midst of conversation - she said to me - "I am just looking at you - our other friend has cancer, I have cancer and your cousin has just had a heart attack and you are sitting there as fit as a fiddle".

I truly was at a loss for words - did she want me to get ill. Only she is sick I would have gladly walked out.

This lady is sorta pretty hard work when she wasn't sick so you can imagine what she is like now.

Most of us (a cuppla of her friends) and her siblings have over the years walked on "egg-shells" pretty much with her.

Would you have been hurt.

[jennyjoan]

PS - by the way - regarding an old post of mine - should I visit or not - we all agreed to not visit as it was what she wanted.

A few weeks back - she lashed me on the phone - pretty much effing and blinding as to why I didn't visit.

[B00]

Narrrr.

She's 'all over the shop' with her emotions at the moment, and who can blame her?

Ignore it- don't give it another thought- carry on being there for her :-)

[Mamyalynne]

I'm sure she meant no harm - I'd have laughed and said 'Well, you never know what's round the corner do you?' then changed the subject.

Hard though it is try not to tread on eggshells and treat her differently, just natter.

[THEMOTLEY1]

I would like to think I would be more understanding than hurt and make an allowance for her attitude being shaped by her illness.

[Mamyalynne]

JJ, pain, medication,fear and frustration all add to irrational behaviour.

Let it wash over you.

[ChillDoubt]

No, I wouldn't have taken it to heart. Your friend is hurting and is no doubt fearful of what lies ahead. Her mind is in turmoil and all sorts of emotions will be brought to the fore.
I'm sure that as a friend she didn't mean it, it was just a glib remark from someone who you freely admit has been brusque in the past.
Forget about it

[jennyjoan]

thanks

[Sqad]

The cancer has nothing to do with .......she has been a bitter and angry type all her life.
Don't blame the cancer.
In fact it is my experience that patients with cancer are just the opposite....often, calm serene and with a hint of euphoria.

[tamborine]

Pardon, pardon...,,,pardon? She says r u deef.......pardon ;)

[jennyjoan]

I sure don't want to come across here as being unkind but Sqad you are correct - she has been a sad (her words) lady all her life. I have known her about 20 years tho.

[Bathsheba]

Well I've recently been diagnosed with cancer, and I wouldn't dream of saying that to a friend, but, as others have said, she could be scared and fearful, so try not to let her upset you.

Baths
x x x

[jennyjoan]

Tambo - if I hada said that - think she would have got up and strangled me. No humour whatsoever either not sick or sick. Pretty hard to get along with and that's not me only.

[DTCwordfan]

I think a hell of a lot of folk go through a phase of 'why me' and lash out when confronted with such diseases....patience and consideration is needed. It is horrible being on the receiving end (I had it with a friend who has been sectioned several times) but she is through it now or rather has it under control - and she has apologised if she had been a complete cow - which she didn't have to.... However, not all friends stuck in there.

[jennyjoan]

Sorry to hear that Bathy. Knew you have been ill and through some operations. Hope you do get better soon.

[ummmm]

My dad said something similar when he had cancer. He wasn't wishing anyone ill, it was more of a case of 'why me'

[jennyjoan]

The other friend with cancer is phenomenal and positive but then again she has a hubby to take things out on.

[jennyjoan]

Both my parents, two brothers and many other siblings have died with cancer but never recalled any of them saying "why me".

[Cloverjo]

Sorry, jennyjoan. I'm sure your friend meant no harm. She just said something without thinking.
May I just commiserate with Bathsheba on her news? Best wishes, Baths.

[ummmm]

They don't have to say it....but they might think it.

[Old_Geezer]

No I'd not have been hurt. It's a combination of noting how lucky you have been and feeling sorry for theirself that they haven't been so lucky. Thank your blessings, and let it flow off you like water off a duck's back.